Bloom in Summer(6)

15

I hadn't seen Josiah in a while.

Everything I'd learned about him was hearsay, just like in old times.

The practice exam questions on the table suddenly increased, and there was lesser time for me to look up from my work. A countdown to the college entrance exam had appeared in the upper right corner of the blackboard out of the blue, and the rounds of examinations were like an endless baptism.

I was going through the list of top scorers in the monthly exam that the school released when Josiah's name popped up.

He was brilliant.

I also heard that Tianna always went looking for him. Caleb told me on Messenger that he saw Josiah walking with Tianna one day. As I feared it was true, I never dared to look for him.

Neither did he come looking for me.

Time flew by. There weren't any summer holidays in Grade 11, while the first examination in Grade 12 determined the class I went to.

From then onwards, the class we were assigned to would be determined by the results.

In an instant, many dark horses emerged, yet my grades continued deteriorating. My head teacher had tried counseling me several times, but I knew I had reached my limit.

Anyone would have grown weary of a lifestyle that only involved cramming for exams day after day to motivate themselves.

I ended up in the same class as Josiah, based on the results.

I did not want to be the first person to initiate contact for several reasons. The greatest one was probably his entanglements with Tianna.

Hence, we were like people living in two separate worlds, whereby I tried my best to avoid everything about him as much as possible.

My head teacher summoned me to the teachers' lounge during one of my physical education classes.

The reason was that I had made too many mistakes in my math exam. If I continued at such a rate, I'd be likely dropped out of the first-tier class.

I responded indifferently and returned to the classroom with the paper. The classroom was deserted as everyone was in the gym class. I could still remember the whirring of the ceiling fan and the shafts of sunlight shining through the windows onto the ground.

It was like I was the only one left in the world.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of loss.

I scrunched up my exam paper and hurled it into my desk, my eyesight starting to blur as I buried my face.

My sleeves were damp with warm tears. It was only then that I realized I was capable of shedding tears due to my poor results.

Worse still, I heard the sound of footsteps coming nearing.

After the physical education class was dismissed, a group of boys was probably heading back to class to retrieve their basketballs. They would not have noticed me as I was seated at the back of the classroom, but I heard a mention of Josiah's name.

"Josiah, the results for the math exam have been released. Have you checked the scores?"

His voice was as languid as ever.

"Nope. Why? Am I not the one with the highest score?"

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"You're such a narcissist! Screw you!"

"Come on, let's head to our game. I feel like I'm going to fail again."

"Again? You're a goner then. I guess I won't be seeing you next month."

"Likewise."

"..."

I waited for their voices to fade away in the distance before summoning the courage to raise my head.

I was scared half to death by what I saw.

Josiah's face was inches away from mine like he was studying me. I could even see my reflection in his pupils. How embarrassing!

"What are you doing?"

"Are you crying?"

His words instantly silenced me.

His identity as a math top-scorer and his entanglements with his first crush added salt to my wounds. I couldn't help scrunching up my face as my tears fell uncontrollably.

"Lillian, why are you crying? Hold on. Don't..."

He wiped away my tears with his fingers when he couldn't find any tissues, but I turned away from him.

"Lillian, your face is a mess."

"You dislike me." I choked out. Even arguing with him took a great deal of effort.

"Exactly. So be a good girl..."

He finally found a napkin on my desk and used it to wipe my face while tipping up my chin. He was not gentle in the least.

I sniffed noisily at him.

He was tickled by my appearance.

"Lillian, I think you must be sent by God to punish me."

I was silent for a moment.

"I never asked you to coax me."

"Fine! I like to stick my nose into other's business. I can't help trying to cheer up a girl who can't stop crying!"

His eyes twinkled like a sky full of stars as he stared into mine.

It felt as if, at that moment, all my unhappiness would disappear.

"How do you plan on cheering me up?" I tugged on his sleeve.

He leaned toward me and whispered into my ear, "Woof! Will imitating a dog's bark work?"

I was speechless.

"Are you treating me as a three-year-old child?"

Despite that, I couldn't help smiling.

He buried half his face in his arms and accompanied me as we stared at the swaying silhouettes of the sycamore trees outside the window.

Suddenly, I heard his voice. It was so soft that it was as if the wind could blow it away.

"My dad won't let me see you. Don't listen to those rumors about me and Tianna, Lilly."

16

The winter vacation this year came late. Even so, it still served as a much-needed escape from the oppressiveness of my daily routine.

I was not doing well in the first half of Grade 12.

I knew that I was not in a good place. However, we were reaching the final sprint toward the end. My grades had barely improved. I felt like I was suffocating and could not gasp for air.

On the night of New Year's Eve, I was staring at the final math question before me. My dazed reflection stared back at me,

It suddenly occurred that Josiah was standing downstairs of my house calling me to watch the fireworks this time last year.

At that moment, my phone's notifications sounded.

I thought it was a mass New Year's greeting sent by the manufacturer, but when I clicked on it, it was a photo.

In the photo were two individuals locked in an embrace amidst the neon lights and noise of the city.

It was Josiah and Tianna.

I sent the photo to Josiah. After a while, my phone started ringing.

I had no desire to pick up the call then. I stared at my phone, which continued vibrating on the table. I couldn't describe my feelings. All I knew was that Josiah was my last straw.

The tireless ringing of my phone ticked me off. Therefore, I grabbed my phone and yelled into the receiver, "You're so annoying!"

The person on the other end of the line was briefly silent. His voice was crisp when he finally answered.

"That was back in Grade 10. Tianna and I- Aiden took the photo of us."

For a moment, I couldn't say anything.

I was heartbroken as I held on tightly to my phone. The inexplicable fury I felt was not all due to the photo. I regretted that he'd belonged to someone else and resented my helplessness.

"I haven't been in contact with her since I met you."

His voice was steady as he earnestly explained himself, but I didn't want to be calm or rational. In retrospect, I realized I needed an outlet to vent all my grievances and anxiety for the past six months.

"That doesn't dismiss the fact that both of you had a history together. Aren't both of you one another's first love? What about me, then? What am I to you? Tell you what, I'm just her substitute!"

"Who said you..."

"Don't try convincing me otherwise! Would I even have caught your eye if I didn't resemble her? Would you have sought me out? Would you have called out Tianna's name when I was in your arms that day?"

He didn't say anything.

"I mind! It was a big deal that I look like her!"

"Lillian, Lillian..."

When he called my name, my mind went blank. It was as if my heavy breaths were the only sound on the line.

"You're under too much pressure."

He always hit the nail on the head.

The shadow of the lamp in front of me wavered as the sky lit up with fireworks outside the window as usual. I hung up shortly after.

I couldn't stop my sobs as I lay in bed and clung to my blanket.

The beginning of the school year meant the final stretch of the sprint toward the college entrance exams in Grade 12.

The number in the upper right corner of the blackboard had finally reached "100". I was also asked to give a speech on behalf of the arts track at the pledge ceremony by my head teacher.

I just stood on stage and read from my script meaninglessly. I couldn't even focus on the audience below, which appeared like a nebulous grey mass.

After the pep rally, I was faced with endless rounds of examinations.

I barely remembered the last time I took a break from practicing my exam questions.

Josiah brought me a bottle of milk every morning.

He didn't seem to mind that I had not spoken a word to him and did as he pleased by buying me milk from different brands. Sometimes, he would place candy on my desk from his pocket after returning from the mini-mart with his friends.

He knew when I had my period, and during those days, a thermal flask in the design of a pink rabbit containing ginger tea would mysteriously appear on my desk.

I didn't want him to be nice to me ever again.

In spite of that, I didn't even dare to return the flask and speak to him.

Those days in Grade 12 were far too intense and simply torture.

My position in class changed weekly, and my grades fluctuated immensely. I was even demoted to Class 2 when my rates were too poor.

On the evening of the day my results were released, he kept me company on the steps as we both watched the crimson sun sinking below the city's horizon.

I had no idea when he'd arrived and did not feel like speaking as I was afraid I'd burst into tears.

He was my companion in silence. Together, we stared at the birds in the sky, the dusk sunlight in the distance, and the smoke emissions from the factories, which dissipated into the clouds.

The entire city was filled with the call of some unknown bird after the sunset.

He stood up, ruffled my hair, and left without a backward glance.

17

The college entrance exam soon dawned upon me.

It suddenly began raining heavily as I was taking my final paper. My attention was drawn to the pitter-patter of raindrops on the window as I finished writing the last word of my essay.

Everything seemed to have been scrubbed clean.

As I exited the exam hall, some students let out screams of exhilaration, some dashed straight into the rain, while others straight up tore their textbooks.

I suddenly realized that I hadn't carried an umbrella with me.

However, Josiah was not far off. He was looking at me with an umbrella in his hand.

I headed in the opposite direction and was about to step into the rain to refreshen myself.

Alas, a large umbrella shielded me from getting drenched.

Josiah's entire body was under the rain. His hair was soon soaked. He flicked his hair back and stubbornly positioned the umbrella above my head.

"Since you won't share an umbrella with me, will this do?"

I didn't reply.

His eyes shone brilliantly like the distant constellations.

"Lillian, the truth is that Tianna came looking for me after we bumped into her at Ancient Town.

"But it suddenly hit me that her white dress was wrong, her perfume smelled wrong, and even the gentle tone of her voice made my head hurt.

"You and Tianna are two completely different people. Do you know how difficult it is for me to see you as Tianna?

"That's what I realized when I finished drinking my 13th cup of coffee with you.

"The one I love is you, and it's got nothing to do with Tianna."

There were raindrops on his lashes as his limpid stare rooted me to the spot.

"So, will you come back to me?"

It was raining heavily as he stood there with his umbrella over my head. He looked so foolish standing under the rain that we soon attracted the attention of passers-by.

"I won't let you go if you refuse me."

Still, I said nothing.

He was so childish.

I grabbed his collar and pulled him under the umbrella.

"Come in. You'll catch a cold after being exposed to the rain for so long."

"Okay."

He drew close as I pulled him toward me and gazed openly into my eyes before leaning in for a kiss.

It was a scene of a couple kissing passionately outside the classroom after their examination.

And the boy even was the dean's son!