First kiss

*Levi*

"Oh fuck, Joel, I think I just messed up everything." I sit down at the table where Joel is eating his lunch. I smack my forehead down on the table, making myself groan. Ouch, that hurt, but I deserve it.

I know Joel is looking at me; I can feel his glare. "You know I wasn't serious about the need to go fuck her right here and now, right? I just thought you needed to clear the air."

"I know, I know, Joel, but apparently some fucked-up part of me didn't get the memo." I sigh and shake my head at myself.

Joel puts down his fork, his voice somewhere between very serious and laughing. "Okay, Buster, spill the beans. What did you just do?"

"I just very much showed her that I am still that jerk she might very well believe me to be." I say, probably looking very sorry for myself. I am not, and was not, that guy she believes. I was just, well, I am just very awkward and unlucky around her.

15 years ago:

"Oh God, Levi, why did you do that?" I look at myself in the mirror, feeling mortified by my own behavior. Did I really just play footsie with her under the dinner table? I should be to old and mature for that.

I groan. She must think I'm some kind of weird pervert by now. I don't know why I did it. I just wanted some kind of contact, I think, but still. I might have blown this before even getting a real chance.

"Levi? Levi, where are you?" I hear my sister call for me from the living room, and I contemplate just sneaking up to my own room.

But her head pokes out the door before I can decide what to do. "Hey, we are going to watch the new alien movie. Do you want to watch it with us?"

"I was going to go to my room and read up on some homework." I see my sister look disappointed; she doesn't see me too much these days, and we used to be rather close. I sigh. "Okay, okay, I will go make some popcorn then. Give me five minutes, okay?"

I will just have to sit as far away from Willa as possible, not to make a fool of myself, I think as I walk to the kitchen to make the popcorn.

But when I get into the living room, Mom is in one of the chairs, already halfway asleep. Emma is in the other chair, and Willa is sitting on the couch. Great, I have to sit next to her, so much for keeping a distance.

I mean, I like her, obviously, but I seem to be very good at behaving stupidly around her, and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable.

So, I go sit down on the couch as far away from her as I can, pulling a blanket over me. It's not really a big couch, but at least there is some space between us.

When the movie is halfway through, I glance at Willa, seeing that she sits curled up in the corner, and I ask softly, "Are you scared?"

"No, not scared," she says, shaking her head vigorously, but I don't entirely believe her. "Just a tiny bit cold."

"Do you want the blanket? You can have it if you want it," I offer, stumbling a bit over the words, feeling kind of stupid.

She sends me the sweetest smile, and it makes my heart kind of flutter; at least she doesn't seem to think I'm a creep. "Thank you, Levi, but I can't take your blanket."

"Some of it then? It's a very big blanket." I hold out one corner to her, and she pulls it over her legs, blushing a bit. We can easily both fit under it.

Emma sends me a weird look, but I just decide to ignore her. We are just sharing a blanket; nothing illegal in that.

When there are about fifteen minutes left of the movie, I notice that both my mom and Emma are asleep, and a few minutes later, Willa emits a small squeak, covering her eyes with her hands.

I scoot a bit closer, putting an arm around her shoulder, wanting to comfort her. "It's okay to be scared, Willa. It is kind of a scary scene."

"Okay, I am scared, Levi," she says, and suddenly her arms are around my waist, and her head is buried in my chest, making me bite my lips hard not to gasp.

I gently stroke her hair, glancing over at my mom and Emma. What would they think? But nothing is happening; I am just comforting her because she is scared. That's perfectly okay, right? Why am I second guessing all I do?

After sitting like that for about five minutes, she lifts her head and looks up at me. "Thank you, Levi. That was kind of embarrassing."

"It's fine, Willa. No problem," my voice is only a whisper. I am looking into her warm eyes, and I can't look away, and before I even realize it, my lips are on hers, and we are kissing.

I have got one hand on her lower back and one cradling her cheek, holding her close to me. She has her hands in my hair. I quite like that. I like kissing her; it feels good.

I don't know for how long we have been sitting there kissing when I hear Emma move and quickly get back to my end of the couch, pulling the blanket around me, hiding a rather embarrassing erection, showing just how much I enjoyed our kisses. I hope Emma doesn't realize just how out of breath we both are.

Back to present time:

"Levi? Levi, hello? Are you here?" Joel is trying to get my attention.

I blink, feeling a little confused, shaking my head. "Whoops, I guess I was far away."

"Yeah, I kind of get that, Levi. You looked totally lost to the world. What were you thinking about?" He looks at me, standing up, cleaning up his lunch from the table.

I breathe in deeply, not even realizing I run a finger over my lips. "Our first kiss... Joel, I need to apologize to her. Both for back then and for the thing in her office."

"Okay, but we need to get back now. Maybe she is willing to give you a couple of minutes before we start." Joel says and starts walking down to the conference room.