Ten: Clara

Twenty years ago…

I push myself harder, as hard as my wolf can run. I can hear the heavy thud of my paws, and the dirt rising in the air behind me. I can feel my heart pumping erratically and my blood pumping in my body. My senses are enhanced, and my eyes can capture the least illuminated points in the forest. My ears prick every time I hear a snap of a twig or the rustling of leaves. This is night time and of course, the forest is alive with thousands of creatures. I’m just trying to be careful not to be caught. If my parents knew I was not in my bed at this late hour and was running in the forest, they would probably install iron bars on my window sills and my brother would have a field day.

The pack follows a strict no wanderings and running at night policy, which I have failed to follow quite a few times. I know this policy isn’t insured because of safety reasons. The pack borders are guarded day and night by border patrols and they would rather die than a rogue get through, so my wolf urges me to sneak out night after night. It has now been four days since I have submitted to my wolf and allowed it free reign to run at night. Somehow, everything is more pronounced at night and I and my wolf enjoy our nightly runs more than our day runs. It’s a drug; if I’m not careful the alpha might notice and I would have to suffer for breaking the ack rules. We’ll get to the bridge in time, though. For now, I close my eyes and let my wolf guide me through the woods.

My wolf emerges into a wide clearing and steps towards the watering hole. The place is gorgeous. A soft waterfall dominates the landscape with a pool of cool water. Huge rocks surround the perimeter of the lake and I long to take a sip after my extremely long and hard run. My wolf dips his muzzle into the water and I greedily lick up the water.

“The rules are meant to be followed; you know. When the alpha says you’re not meant to be out in the woods at night, that’s exactly what he means.” My wolf stiffens when I hear the amused voice behind me and I slowly turn around to look at Samuel, casually leaning back on one of the huge rocks surrounding the lake.

“What are you doing here, Clara?” Samuel asks and to my enhanced senses, he looks even more beautiful and handsome and rugged than he does on the best of days. I growl in answer because that’s all I can do right now. “Oh, I’m sorry.” He scrambles to get up and this is probably the only time I have seen him be clumsy because he stumbles on the rock twice. He jogs and disappears behind the tree line of the clearing but he isn’t very far away as his scent still reaches me.

Samuel comes back into my view and throws something. An oversized shirt and shorts land on my feet and I realize that he wants me to change into my human form so that we can have a conversation instead of me just growling and grunting. I pick up the clothes with my teeth and bound behind the tree line, away from Samuel’s view so that I can shift into my naked human form. I hastily don the clothes he provided me with and barefoot, I again enter the clearing with Samuel’s guarded eyes on me.

If I had been human, I would have been extremely conscious about not wearing any undergarments beneath my clothes but as werewolves, I have grown up shifting naked in front of most of the boys in my age group. While I may not be so brazened now, I am better equipped to handle this than an unsuspecting teenager.

I sit down across from him, wanting to keep some distance between me and him. This is probably one of the very rare times we are alone together. Of course, there have been moments when I have found Samuel sitting alone in our living room or passed him in the school’s hallways. This time no one is here to interrupt us and we can stay alone here as long as both of us like.

“Why are you out here in the middle of the night? You know that’s against the rules.” Samuel says pointedly at me and I roll my eyes at him. “Did you just roll your eyes at me?”

“I did. If you haven’t noticed Mr. Future Alpha, you are also outside the pack house in the dead of the night.”

Samuel smiles gently at me. “You’re right, Clara.” We are silent for a moment when he breaks the silence by asking me a question out of the blue. “Are you excited to find your mate?”

“Are you kidding?” And it’s like a dam has been broken. “Of course, I’m excited. I just can’t wait for my birthday to come. I have dreamed of meeting my mate since I was five years old and could understand what mates were. I imagine how he would look how he would be, how in love we would be, how devoted we would be to each other.” I clasp my hands in front of my heart. “I can’t explain it to you. No words I have can explain my anticipation to you.”

“I think you have done a pretty good job.” He smiles at me and I blush under his gaze.

“You’ll find her, you know.” He looks up into my eyes, his body tense after hearing my words. “I know you are nervous about your birthday tomorrow and about finding a mate. And it’s not an issue if you don’t find your mate on the day itself, you know. It only means that if your mate is in the pack, she hasn’t reached the golden age of seventeen yet.”

Samuel seems amused at my efforts at consoling him. “You mean to say, my mate could be someone younger than me? Someone your age, perhaps?” A furious blush rises to my cheeks and my eyes drop to my hands, unable to say anything to him in reply. “I’d like that, you know. I would be willing to wait.” I look up to meet his eyes but his gaze seems so far away, as if he’s forgotten I’m sitting here and he is talking to me. But I hope for my sanity that tomorrow at this time, I have my mate in my arms.”

***

There is a heavy ball of grief roiling in my stomach. But visiting one’s family’s graves after almost twenty years will do that to you. No matter how much time passes, their loss still feels as present as ever. My parents never got to meet my husband and children. My brother never got to meet his mate, fall in love, and have children. Death seemed to cut off all prospects and it seemed so final because it was completely irreversible. What I wouldn’t give to have my family beside me in times like these? Thoughts like these made me end up crying for over an hour in my parked car outside the graveyard.

Werewolves don’t particularly like change. So, even though, I had been away for almost twenty years, much of the pack lands were the same. Almost everywhere I looked, I could remember the younger version of me prancing about with friends and my family. I know that I had been ordered not to make any detours and come straight to the pack house but when I noticed a familiar restaurant, I couldn’t help but park my car and enter the establishment.

Waves of nostalgia hit me as soon as I opened the door. Immediately memories from a different age hit me in full force and I almost didn’t hear the bell when the door finally closed behind me. With shaky feet, I move to the corner seat facing the windows. This was the seat my family occupied most of the time. I and my brother fought most of the time over who would get to sit in the aisle seat. I choked back a sob when my butt finally hit the worn-out cushion of the seat.

I take several deep breaths to control myself and turn to look outside the window when my eyes land on her for the first time in almost two decades. Sophie Jones. Dressed in a skintight jean and a peach flowy top, she looked every bit as lovely as I remembered her to be. Twenty years ago, admitting this simple truth brought such pain to me. I had been so much in love with Samuel that his being with a pretty werewolf hurt me in so many ways.

But now as I look at her and at how gorgeously she has aged and matured, all I feel is nothing. I don’t feel an ounce of jealousy, or any hatred towards her for stealing my mate. Perhaps, the moon goddess sometimes makes mistakes in choosing mates and my being mates with Samuel was one of them. My lips lift in a sardonic smile at all the events that led me to be where I am and I drag my eyes from her as she enters the beauty salon on the other side of the parking lot.