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I don't know how to be me anymore
publish date:
2026-07-26 15:22:42
Latest chapter
Nice to See You Again We let each other go
That was the last time I ever heard Matt's voice.I think he knew.If we'd kept talking...If we'd seen each other just one more time...He would have changed his mind.Instead...We kept the promise we'd never made out loud.We let each other go.Sophie handled everything I couldn't.She canceled the wedding venue.The florist.The photographer.The caterer.She informed everyone we'd invited that the wedding had been canceled.She never once complained.She simply told me not to worry about any of it.So I didn't.I couldn't.Instead...I buried myself in school.Every class.Every assignment.Every exam.If I wasn't sitting in a lecture hall, I was studying.If I wasn't studying, I was working on another project.Keeping busy was easier than sitting alone with my thoughts.Four years passed faster than I expected.I graduated magna cum laude.As I walked across the stage to accept my diploma, I couldn't help but look up.I smiled through the tears gathering in my eyes.Mom...I did
Nice to See You Again Neither of us wanted to be the one to say goodbye
Chapter 40The flight back to Washington was surprisingly empty.When I boarded, the flight attendant smiled."Looks like you got lucky today."I glanced at my boarding pass before finding my row.No one else was there.I slid into the window seat and rested my forehead against the glass.I watched the terminal slowly drift past my window.Somewhere inside that building...Matt was still there.The engines roared louder.The plane picked up speed.Then suddenly...The ground disappeared beneath us.The roads blurred together.The hotels became tiny blocks of color.Eventually...Everything disappeared beneath a blanket of clouds.I stared at them in silence.For what felt like forever.My mind replayed the last few days.My mom.The funeral.The empty house.Matt.His quiet presence.The way he'd stayed without asking for anything in return.He never complained.Never blamed me.Never got angry.He just...Stayed.My chest tightened.A wave of shame washed over me so suddenly it stole
Nice to See You Again I don't know how to be me anymore
Matt stayed.He didn't ask me to talk.He didn't ask me what I was thinking.I could tell he felt it.The distance between us.The emptiness behind my eyes.The way I looked at him without really seeing him.He knew something had changed.He just didn't know how much.Instead of asking questions, he stayed.He picked up his bag and followed me inside.For the rest of the afternoon, he moved quietly through the house.He took out the trash.Washed the dishes piled in the sink.Carried the wilted flowers outside without asking whether I wanted to keep them.I watched him from the couch.He was trying.I knew he was.But every kind thing he did only reminded me that I had needed him days ago.Not now.Later that evening, we sat on the back porch.The sun had already disappeared, leaving the sky dark and empty.Neither of us spoke for a long time.Matt leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees.I stared at the engagement ring on my finger.It felt heavier than it used to.Finally, h
Nice to See You Again Emptiness
The house still smelled like her.Her favorite lavender candle sat on the coffee table, half melted.A mug rested beside the sink.Her reading glasses were folded neatly on the arm of the couch.It looked as if she'd walk into the room at any moment."Mom?"The word escaped before I could stop it.Silence answered me.My knees gave out.I collapsed onto the living room floor, clutching the edge of the couch as sob after sob ripped through me.This wasn't supposed to happen.I was supposed to graduate.Bring home my diploma.Watch her cry happy tears as she told everyone how proud she was.Instead...I was planning my mother's funeral.I barely had time to process that she was gone before the responsibilities began piling up.The next few days blurred together.There were forms to sign.Phone calls to answer.Flowers to order.People asking questions I never imagined I'd have to answer."What songs would your mother have wanted?""What color should the flowers be?""What would you like
Nice to See You Again I'd never felt more alone in my life
Keeping my promise to my mom became the only thing that kept me moving.Every morning, I'd wake up before sunrise.Go to class.Study until the library closed.Then return to my dorm and study some more.I told myself that if I stayed busy...I wouldn't have time to think.It worked.At least during the day.The nights were different.Every time my phone rang, my heart skipped a beat.Sometimes it was Mom.Sometimes it was Sophie.Sometimes it was Sophie's mom.Each call became part update...Part reassurance."I made her soup today.""She finally ate a little.""She smiled when I showed her your picture.""We watched one of those old Asian movies she likes."Over the yearsSophie's mom became more than my best friend's mother.She became my mom's best friend.Just as Sophie and I had found each other years ago...They found each other too.Knowing she wasn't alone made carrying the distance a little easier.Not much.Just enough.Whenever I spoke to Mom, she always sounded tired.But
Nice to See You Again My confidence began to waver
Matt did everything he could to make up for not being there.A few days before Christmas, boxes started arriving at my dorm.A scarf.My favorite chocolates.A matching wallet and purse.Even a customized snow globe with two people standing beneath falling snow.Every gift reminded me of how well he knew me.And how badly he wished he could be there.I smiled as I opened each one.I thanked him over the phone.I meant every word.But if I was being honest...I would've traded every single gift just to have him beside me.I'd have given anything to feel his arms around me.I picked up the tiny snow globe and gently shook it.The snow swirled around the little couple standing together beneath it.I wished that was us.Together.Holding each other.I smiled through watery eyes before setting it back on my desk.My phone buzzed.It was Sophie.The moment I answered, I was greeted by the sound of laughter.Someone shouted while kids ran through the background.Christmas music played merril
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