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Chapter 3

Penulis: Year on Year
Vivian furrowed her brows, as if not expecting me to give in so quickly.

Given what she understood of me, she expected me to flare up, smash things, and chase her out.

I had been like this over these five years, my temper flaring up quick but also eventually dissipating in her silence, bit by bit.

But this time, things were different.

Vivian didn’t know that there was something physically wrong with Jeff.

He was infertile.

He was diagnosed when he was eighteen. My mom had brought him to hospitals in various states and cities but the result was always the same.

He wasn’t able to impregnate any woman in this lifetime.

My mom kept this a secret, and aside from me and Jeff himself, no one else knew about it.

Vivian was an only child, and each time I met her mom during festivals and celebrations, she would nag at us to have children early and to have a few of them and she would be glad to take care of them. She was a traditional woman, and having descendants to continue the family line was important to her.

I had wanted to try to change her mom’s mind after we got married. If all else failed, we could be DINKs, since Vivian didn’t seem obsessed with the idea of having children.

I no longer needed to be bothered by that.

Jeff could go ahead and try to have children with her.

Her mom could go ahead and urge Jeff to give her a grandchild.

She could go on for a decade with no results. It had nothing to do with me anymore.

Vivian also didn’t know that Jeff had no experience whatsoever doing household chores.

Since he was young, my mom doted on him and refused to let him wash a single bowl or sweep an inch of the floor.

Vivian wanted a reliable, down-to-earth and good person to settle down with, right?

I’d like to see her experience how good it was to settle down with Jeff whom she thought was obedient and sensible.

I would take everything I had done for Vivian over the past five years to be in vain.

How did she spend her days while we were together?

Who was the one who always kept her house neat and tidy?

I was the one who took leave from work for two weeks to take care of her mom when she fell sick and was hospitalized.

She, on the other hand, washed her hands off the matter just because she had a major project she couldn’t forsake.

“Exactly,” my mom said with a smile. She picked up a bottle of red wine and poured Vivian some. “We’re family, and we can always talk things out. Vivian, don’t feel burdened. Jeff has always been a good boy since he was young and would surely be less of a trouble.”

I didn’t say anything in response.

I simply stood at the entryway, looking at this joke of a scene unfolding in the hall.

My mom was pouring Vivian some wine with a bright smile on her face, and Jeff’s face was flushed as he bowed his head, while Vivian had that damn deadpan look on her face.

“Since we’ve all agreed on this, let’s register your marriage as soon as we can,” my mom said as she put the wine bottle down, with the authority of the head of the household. “I think tomorrow is a great day. Let’s make it official.

“We can then arrange for the wedding banquet next week!”

“Mom,” Jeff said, his face even redder now.

“Why so shy? We have to strike while the iron’s hot for such matters,” my mom said and rolled her eyes at Jeff. She then turned to Vivian and asked, “What do you think?”

Vivian nodded. “I’ll go with your arrangements, Mrs. Sanders.”

“Still calling me that?” my mom jokingly chided, her smile even wider now. “Time to change how you address me.”

“Mom.”

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  • Not Yours To Give   Chapter 13

    My mom was stunned, and the entire living room quieted down.Even Jeff stopped crying.I put on my jacket, picked up my bag, and headed to the door. I stopped there and said without turning back to look, “This is his choice. Let him suffer the consequences.”As I left the district, my phone rang.It was Chad.“How was the dinner?”“Rather exciting,” I said, wrapping myself tighter in my jacket. I walked along the empty streets and saw fireworks exploding in the night sky from afar. The colorful explosions lit up the night sky. “I’ll tell you all about it next time.”“Where are you headed to now?”“Home,” I said as I looked up to admire the fireworks with a smile on my face. “My own home.”Home was the 430-square-foot apartment with beautiful flowers blooming at the balcony, fresh pasta in the fridge, and a book I was halfway through on the coffee table.I used to think that it was miserable to live there all alone, spend the new year alone, and face a new year alone.Yet n

  • Not Yours To Give   Chapter 12

    “Is that so?” I smiled, but said nothing more.Vivian and Jeff were already there.Jeff was seated on the couch, looking noticeably more haggard than before he was married. There were faint dark circles under his eyes, and his cheeks had hollowed out significantly.Vivian sat next to him, looking worse for wear. The corners of her mouth were turned downward, and there was a heavy, brooding gloom about her.“Vivian, why have you lost so much weight?” my mom asked as she served her more food. “Is work tiring you out? Jeff, why aren’t you taking good care of your wife?”Jeff’s face paled as he forced a smile on his face.Vivian kept silent and focused on eating.The atmosphere was strange over dinner.I sat at a corner of the table, taking my time with my food and not saying a single word.Jeff sat opposite me, occasionally sneaking a few glances at me with a look in his eyes I couldn’t quite place.Was it jealousy, uneasiness, or something else altogether?Cynthia was here as

  • Not Yours To Give   Chapter 11

    One night, Vivian could no longer hold back, and she tried to ask him about it in the calmest tone she could manage while washing the dishes.Jeff was stunned for a moment before tears came streaming down his face. “Is that a complaint about me? You never made my brother wash dishes when you were with him, so why are you complaining about me not doing chores at home when you’re with me now? Does he still have a place in your heart?”Vivian looked at the bubbles in the sink as fatigue washed over her.She wanted to say something, but nothing felt right. Indeed, she couldn’t quite forget me.However, it wasn't that I had a place in her heart. It was the lifestyle that she yearned for—a life where she had food to eat the moment she returned home, someone to do her laundry and keep her house neat and tidy, and nothing to worry about.She only just realized that such a life didn’t appear from nowhere.I was the reason that life was even possible.But it was too late.The final str

  • Not Yours To Give   Chapter 10

    The restaurant felt warm and toasty. Chad poured me a full glass of beer, and the foam overflowed onto the table.“Cheers!” he said as he raised his glass. “To Joshua Sanders for his new life.”I picked up my glass and clinked his, the sound of striking glass crisp and pleasant to the ear.“Cheers.”That night, I drank three bottles of beer, more than the total amount of the beer I’d had over the past five years.Toward the end, I slumped over the table and said something from the bottom of my heart to Chad.“Over the past five years, I thought I was in a relationship, but I was merely her nanny.”Chad swore under his breath, his eyes bloodshot, as he poured me another glass of beer.I didn’t say anything more.However, I knew that from now on, I would never be a nanny to anyone else.Life was good, being alone.One and a half months later, I moved into a newly rented apartment.It had one bedroom and one living area. At a total of 430 square feet, it wasn’t a large space,

  • Not Yours To Give   Chapter 9

    “Arrive earlier tomorrow and help your brother with his suit. Also, what in the world were you wearing during their engagement party previously? It was all gray and not festive at all. Wear something brighter tomorrow and don’t embarrass your brother.”“Got it,” I said, then hung up.The next day, I didn’t wear anything festive.I wore a sharply tailored black suit paired with black leather shoes. My hair was neatly slicked back, and I looked noticeably more refreshed.Chad was waiting for me at the door, and he wolf-whistled the moment he saw me.“How handsome. Are you sure you aren’t going there to stir up trouble?”“Not at all,” I said as I threw my bag over my shoulders. “Just there to watch an entertaining show.”Vivian and Jeff’s wedding was held at a five-star hotel in the east of the city.My mom had spent a fortune just to make everything look good, including booking the largest banquet hall in the hotel and paying for a total of forty tables.There was a huge wedding

  • Not Yours To Give   Chapter 8

    I leaned back in my chair and said calmly, “Let them believe that.”“Come back right now to apologize to your brother!”“Mom,” I called out to her, surprising even myself with my calm. “I’m not going to apologize. Every word I spoke was true, and I didn’t lie or exaggerate things. I simply said what you guys have done. It’s not my fault if the truth embarrasses you.”Silence ensued for two seconds on the other end of the line.My mom then said something that made my heart grow cold. “You’ve always been like this since you were young, inconsiderate toward your brother. I’ve truly brought you up in vain.”She hung up.She had always been saying that since we were young.In her world, the purpose of my presence was to serve Jeff.I put my phone down, opened the PowerPoint slides for this quarter's progress report, and continued working on them.I told myself that it was alright.From now on, I no longer needed to consider anyone else in my decisions.I only needed to consider m

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