Worthless

Andrew

I banged the door, heading down the stairs and toward my bike. My dad was at it again. Making me feel like the most useless human being that walked the earth.

"You don't have anything to offer to the world. Music! What is that? Rubbish! Complete balderdash? You're just hotheaded. Don't you think it's time to grow up and face your responsibilities?"....blah blah blah. My dad had told me amongst other things.

It hurts so bad but I wouldn't admit it to anyone. My only solution was to rebel, pretend

I won't do it when in reality, I can't. Trust me, I've tried, but it's simply not my calling to be an engineer or anything book-related.

I'm simply not like my elder brother, who loves education. My father's pride. He's everything I was not. Asides from good looks, we are extremities. He's quite reserved while I'm all over the place. Even our skin color is different.  I'm dark skin, his is lighter. I love dressing stylishly, while he's the cooperate type. Well, that is partly because of his discipline. He's more of a casual dresser when he's not at work, you know, shirt and jeans and all that. But we're just the opposite sides of a coin.

I love art. Music precisely. My mum and brother support me and are ready to back me up 100% but my dad won't hear of it. He gets the last say in every important decision and when he says no, it's no.

My dad made me study Electrical Engineering at the Federal University, Alba, and I'm supposed to stay with my brother in his house because my dad doesn't think I can handle staying alone, but, I hardly stay there and my brother has always been cool with it. Although, he doesn't like me hanging with a dangerous crowd. He would always tell me stuff about making bad choices and having regrets, but all I do is nod my head in agreement. Ha! like I'd listen to him. The reason I was acting up was mostly to get back at dad and partly because I enjoyed having fun. You know, partying, girls and stuff like that.

My parents came to visit my brother and me today and unluckily for me, I was there and I got an earful from my dad that vexed me so much I had to leave. Vincent was always the one that saved me from dad's wrath, but he wasn't here at all, so I was left to face the thunder and lightning alone.

Mum loved and respected her husband so much. Who wouldn't? When you're married to a surgeon that has won so many awards and has tons of money to meet all your trendy needs. My mum worshipped the ground my dad walked on. I'm not saying she hated me or anything. She loves me so dearly and would stand by me but only if I faced someone who wasn't dad.

All she did was hold on to her husband to stop him from going as far as hitting me as he always did. I could talk back at my dad. I can as well hit him if I wanted to but as much as it's embarrassing to admit, I was terrified of him. 

After leaving the house, I drove straight to my buddy's who was hosting a party. The party was in full swing as early as 8 pm. This was the place I found solace. We danced, drank, and grinded ladies at the party.

That night, I made out with more ladies than I could count. Some even begged that I lay with them, but in as much as I loved sex, I loved clean ladies too. Most of the ladies looked pretty dirty to me. I didn't want to go about using stuff that had already been used by different people on the same night. It was my policy. No sex at the party. 

As the night progressed, I realized the more I drank, the angrier I got. I tried to drown my pain and my father's words just for a second, but I couldn't. His words, every beating I received over the years, resurfaced. This was new to me. Drinking had always helped me forget, but this time around, it was as if I was saturated. I was fed up with everything and my go-to painkiller was making it worse.

I became frustrated. Everything and everyone became a source of my anger. The ladies that kept running their hands against my body made my blood boil.

"Get away from me!" I would yell and shove them aside. It got me a lot of curses and angry stares but I didn't care. The state of my life was killing me. 

Around 1 am, I left the party when I realized it wasn't helping me. I couldn't go home because mum and dad would still be there. I decided to stay over at Paul's, who I left the party with. I had to leave my bike behind because I couldn't ride it in my state.

Paul and I staggered down the road, holding onto each other, and singing at the top of our lungs as we swayed from side to side.

"Hey, Andrew," Paul whispered, slowing down, "check her out." 

I followed Paul's hand and saw a lady walking in our line of sight. She had on loose clothing and a beanie over her head, so I couldn't make out how shapely she was.

"Lemme guess, night class nerds," I whispered back to Paul, who nodded. Somehow, this made me boil with resentment towards the figure coming  from the opposite direction. Yeah, she's taking her life seriously. She has everything figured out, and I bet her family was proud of her.

The more I fed myself with these thoughts, the more I loathed her presence. I felt she was taunting me with her book.

"She looks pretty... I don't mind getting a taste of her this cool night," Paul admitted. 

I stared blankly at my friend. I knew Paul had always had a knack for the wild side. Doing hard drugs, ladies, and stuff like that. His suggestion didn't surprise me.

I looked back at the lady who I realized had noticed us and had quickened her pace. This got me mad. How dare she think we were bad people? How can she stay on her high horse and judge us just because we were drunk?

Just like a venom slowly killing its prey, an idea crept into my head. I felt the urge to make her feel what I was going through at that moment.

"Well, since she's judging us so much, why don't we bring her fears to life, huh, Paul?" I asked Paul with a smirk playing on my face.

Paul understood immediately and began running his two palms together in readiness. 

That night, with my dad's word going through my head, "you don't have anything to offer to the world." over and over again, I snapped and did the unthinkable. 

"I'll show you, dad."