Chapter 3

That was when Robert proposed to me.

It happened in a forest far from the rest of the unit, on a dark night when we were completely alone.

He promised that once the war ended, we would get married. He would take good care of me, and we would live an ordinary but happy life together.

But now, he had given the care he once promised me to another woman.

After talking things over with Emily, I returned to my hospital bed.

Exhaustion quickly pulled me into sleep.

The explosions, the cries of the wounded, and the scorching waves of heat surrounded me again.

The comrades who had died appeared in my dreams one after another.

They groaned in pain and begged me to save them.

But I could not.

I could not save everyone.

They cursed me, blamed me, and tore at me.

I woke screaming, pounding my fists against my head.

People carrying trauma from war were often too afraid to face it.

We hid it from everyone as a form of self-punishment, as though silence could somehow ease the guilt.

I had seen the trauma treatment plans Nora had written.

Her hollow, shallow reassurances meant nothing.

“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Everything will be fine once the war is over.”

“They have gone to heaven. They won’t blame you.”

After that, sleep was impossible.

I put on my coat and walked out of the makeshift medical station.

The snow had stopped, and the moon hung high in the deep blue sky.

A campfire flickered near the edge of the forest in the distance.

I slowly walked toward it.

Five or six people sat loosely around the fire. Robert and Nora were together, her head nestled against his shoulder.

John was the first to greet me when he saw me approaching.

“Catherine, come over here. How are you feeling?”

After a brief hesitation, I walked over and sat down.

“I’m fine.”

There was no point making things more complicated. I would be leaving in a few days anyway.

John took a clear glass ampoule from his pocket and handed it to Robert.

“Robert, the morphine you asked for. It’s the last one.”

Robert accepted it.

“Thanks, brother.”

John waved him off.

“If you ask for something, you get first priority. No need to thank me.”

Robert gently handed the ampoule to Nora, whose face lit up with delight.

“Look. Now you can sleep well tonight without your nightmares waking you.”

My fingers rose to the wound on the back of my head, where I had received twelve stitches.

Rage nearly swallowed me.

I remembered John telling me while he stitched the wound that there was no morphine left.

So he had been saving it for Nora.

I had been forced to endure the pain without relief, my eyes bloodshot from the effort.

Emily had lost her hand in the explosion. Even when the pain left her pale and trembling, she had not been given any morphine either.

I could not listen anymore.

These people made me sick.

I stood and walked away without another word.

Robert followed me and caught my arm, frowning.

“Catherine, are you throwing another tantrum?”

“Can you stop targeting Nora all the time? She’s different from us. She needs more care.”

Nora followed behind him, lowering her head as tears slipped down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I don’t deserve this. Give it to Dr. Catherine instead.”

She threw the ampoule into the snow, then ran away sobbing and wiping at her tears.

Robert shoved me away, furious.

“Catherine, do you really have to bully Nora like this?”

“She’s just a helpless girl who needs someone to protect her!”

He turned, picked up the morphine from the snow, and chased after Nora.

I watched him hurry away.

My heart had already gone numb.

There was not a trace of attachment left.