I am in such a fucking mess, I decide to take a cab home instead of walking half an hour. Fresh air might have helped, but with the thoughts killing my mind I probably would have gotten lost on the way. At the moment I don't know how the hell to think straight.Is Jake telling me the truth? Why can't I remember him trying to help me? He's right at that time Jake wasn't fully grown, while Michael nearly was. Michael was in the sports team and very muscular, while the only sports Jake did was our skating. He wouldn't have had a chance against Michael. But why can I remember him running away and not him trying to fight Michael?I remember the words Evans told me about the drugs, maybe it does all make sense.What the hell could Michael's family have against Jake's family, that they would let him get away with rape and even put the blame on me? God, I can't believe what he has just revealed.Jake, my god Jake does feel guilty. Even if I always wished for him to feel it, I hated him the la
Evans lips are soft and the taste of his cherry chewing gum lingers on them. He took me totally by surprise. My lips automatically move along with his. His kiss is soft and tender. It feels good.It takes a few moments until I realize I shouldn't be doing this. Even if it feels good, but it doesn't feel fair or right. Gently I push him away and loosen myself out of his arms."I'm sorry Evans, I can't do this right now. I like you a lot and I need to know I am clear at mind and really want this, when I do this."He sighs. "No, it's my fault Sam, I tried although I knew you aren't ready. You just told me minutes ago. But I won't deny I liked how it felt to have your lips on mine."Fuck why does he have to be so sweet and damn sexy at the same time?I give him a quick peck on the cheek and enter our apartment before I do something stupid. At the moment I simply don't fucking know if I want more or not, it's so confusing.******Nightmares kept me up most of the night, I badly need my cof
I decide to stay and quickly send Emily a message that I won't be home to eat, as we are still on our homework. Jake and I manage to work off another topic and compare it. After the tension dropped a little, it was easier. I curled up on the one side of the couch and Jake on the other. The distance between us making it easier for both of us.How can there even be this tension in the air, after five years and all the things which have happened? Is it because of the amazing night we had last week? Last weekend I still hated Jake, hated what he did to me and how much he hurt me. And now it feels like I need to run, because he is getting closer to me than he should.And honestly, it's scaring the living shit out of me right now.Jake ordered us pizza, and while eating, he switches the TV on."You still into horror movies?" He mumbles over the last piece of pizza he's about to bite off from."Yep, but I think I really should get going after we have eaten. Emi is probably waiting for me, a
The shower isn't exactly helping to sooth my senses as I hoped. I have already jerked off three fucking times. I swear I haven't had to do this in a very long time. Jeez, Sam has got me going crazy. No girl has ever played with me like this. I knew she still feels attracted to my body, so I thought I'd play this card out. Use an excuse to not wear a shirt. Of course, she is far too clever, and she looked right through my little game and made it hers. I've never lost the upper hand like I have with her and the fuck I didn't even give a shit about it. She was feeding bread crumbs and I was gladly picking up every single one she was throwing me. When she walked out of the bathroom door without a bra, I went fucking hard immediately, her wonderful full tits and hardened nipples showing off underneath the thin fabric of my white t-shirt. Knowing what was underneath didn't exactly make things easier. Damn I know all too well how perfect her body is shaped underneath her clothes. I have me
Jake has a smirk on him all day during class. To be honest I don't know if he is paying attention to class at all today. He keeps on writing something on his booklet which he is shielding and the rest of the time his eyes are set on me, making me feel nervous. Even I can't concentrate on a word Professor Williams is saying, because of Jake. At some point I can't hold back. "What on earth are you smirking about all day?""Ah nothing, just having a good day", he's gleaming with the way he's saying it.Ok, so he obviously isn't spilling the beans. No matter how hard I try to fight it, I can't help but keep on taking glances at him in between either. He's wearing a black V-neck t-shirt again today, black jeans which are torn on the knees and his black Chucks. Some things never change, he's still just as much into Chucks as I am. Why does he have to look so damn hot? His skin is still slightly tanned from the summer, making his green eyes pop even more. If I had to stencil my dream man,
This is going to be fun, Jake knows I am in for games, but no one else here knows. And I am going to fucking lead them on."Well Evans, you need to explain the rules to me first, as I have no idea", I play dumb.I couldn't quite decide whom to fuck up, whether Evans or Jake? But as Evans invited me, it will have to be him. Evans explains me the basics and hands me a billiard cue. He patiently shows me how to apply the chalk, and while I am trying my hardest to keep my face straight, I see Jake tense up with Evans so close to me.Gentleman as he is, Evans lets me hit the ball first. I hit the ball hard putting two solid ones in a pocket. Luckily, I didn't hitch a half one."Hey you seem to be lucky", he chuckles.Let's just wait and see how long you will chuckle. The next one I place purposely wrong, leading him on for one more round, and put a fake pout on my face. Evans puts three half ones into the pockets looking proud of himself. Enjoying this full of self-confidence he offers to
We take a cab to the party, as neither Emi nor I wanted to walk the way in our high heels. At the moment, I feel really unsure about my outfit. God, I wish I had hotpants or jeans and a top on right now. This feels so dressed up and not me at all. I hope the guys won't think I look ridiculous. All my self-confidence I gathered at home has flown out of the window.We can hear the loud music way down to the street. There are people all the way outside again. Seems like Jake and Evans really know how to throw a party. At college, they are well known to be epic. Nearly everyone I cross in the hallways talks about it. And the freshman party is known to be one of the biggest during the year, besides the ones before holidays. A lot of guys start whistelling at us. Thank god they aren't that drunk yet, for them to get pushy in any kind of way. I think at Evans place, I kind of felt a tad bit safer, as our apartment is right underneath where I could have escaped.Again, we push through the cro
I shriek as I see the two on the ground smashing the fists into each other's faces."It's just a fucking game", Evans yells."You fucking forced her by holding her tight when she didn't want to", Jake seems to be totally losing it right now."You Fucker are just jealous because I have kissed her twice and she can hardly bear you near her", he yells while throwing a punch into Jake's face. "You fucking watched her being raped and now expect her to forgive you?"I hear the round around me gasp, their eyes falling on me. How could he even scream this out loud in front of all the others? I trusted him to keep my secret. Tears start leaking from my eyes as I scream out loud."STOP", and I run for the bathroom, drowning out everything else around me.I am trembling all over my body as I lock the door and slide down against it. I knew the air between Jake and Evans is tense and it's my damn fault. But never ever would I have imagined Evans would scream out my darkest moments of life right in