LOGINChapter 87Marcus’s POVHe got into the program.The message came in the middle of the afternoon. Short. Almost disbelieving.I got in. Six weeks. Starts in May.I read it twice before answering. The fact of it settled carefully, the way every piece of his future had been settling since he first mentioned the application.That’s good. That’s really good. How do you feel?Scared. Ready. Both. I didn’t expect the yes to land this hard. I’ve been staring at the email for twenty minutes.Both make sense. I’m glad for you. You did the work to get it. That matters.There was a longer pause before his next message.Mom said she’s glad too. She said it might be good for all of us to have a stretch of different space. She didn’t say it unkindly. Just practically. Like she’s already thinking about what the house feels like without me in it for a while.She’s probably right. Space isn’t the same thing as disappearance. You can go do the work and still come back to the talks. Nothing about that e
Chapter 86Marcus’s POVThe interview for the research program fell on a day she had not scheduled any conversation. I stayed away from the house.The rules were clear even without a session on the calendar, no showing up unannounced, no turning an empty afternoon into contact she hadn’t authorized.I kept to the temporary apartment and the ordinary work of the day.The hours moved slowly. I didn’t text first. The interview was his. The space around it was his too.Derek texted once afterward, mid-afternoon.It went well. I’ll know in a week.I read the message standing at the counter and let the fact of it settle before I answered.Proud of you. However it lands. You did the work to get in the room. That’s already something.Thanks. I was more nervous than I expected. Not about the questions. About wanting it as much as I did.Wanting something of your own is
Chapter 85Marcus’s POVShe allowed another limited visit the following week. Same rules. Same chair. Same two-hour window that ended when she said it ended.I arrived at the time she sat, sat where she indicated, and kept my hands visible on the table. Derek sat to her right.The kitchen felt the same as it had in every talk since the photo, ordinary light, the clock ticking, the weight of unfinished things sitting between the three of us.She started with the practical questions.“I need to talk about what transparency would look like if you were ever in the house while Derek is home and I’m not,” she said.Her voice was controlled. “Not as a plan I’m approving. As a scenario I need answers before I consider anything further. What do you do with that time? What don’t you do? How do I know the old patterns aren’t just waiting for the first empty afternoon.”
Chapter 84Marcus’s POVThe research program application became a quiet thread in our short conversations. Derek didn’t ask for advice.He didn’t ask me to be proud. He just mentioned the deadlines and the faculty contact and the fact that Mom had said she supported anything that got him out of the house for a while and into something that belonged only to him.I supported it too. The older version of me might have felt the distance like a loss to prevent.The version I was trying to see felt like a necessary stretch.He needed a life that wasn’t only defined by the damage we had caused and the slow work of repairing it.I needed to prove I could want him without needing to keep him close enough to control.External judgment surfaced again when an acquaintance from the old firm sent a short message through a mutual contact. Heard you’re still in the city. Some people have lo
Chapter 83Marcus’s POVSunday’s conversation stayed inside the limits she set. Two hours. Kitchen table. No assumptions.She asked about practical transparency, what limited time in the house would require, what would happen if the old patterns started to creep back, how either of us planned to keep the rules from turning into another quiet arrangement she wasn’t part of.I answered without trying to soften the edges. Derek sat to her right and did the same. When she said the time was up, I stood, pushed the chair in, and left.On the sidewalk Derek walked with me as far as the corner.The cold air sat between us. Neither of us spoke until we were far enough from the building that the windows couldn’t catch the shape of the conversation.“She’s still not ready,” he said. His voice was quiet, tired around the edges the way it got after the harder sessions.“I kno
Chapter 82Marcus’s POVExternal judgment arrived the way it usually did, quietly, through people who only had pieces of the story.A man I used to work with on legitimate contracts after Portland called me on a Thursday afternoon.His name sat on the screen long enough for me to decide whether to answer. I picked it up.“Marcus,” he said. The tone was familiar, friendly on the surface, probing underneath. “Been a while. How are you doing?”“Fine. What do you need?”He laughed once, short. “Straight to it. Same as always. I heard some rumors. Nothing specific. Just enough to make me wonder whether you were still keeping things clean these days. You know how people talk when they’ve got old information and too much time.”“My life is private,” I said. “Anything you think you know about my history is no longer your business. If someone is asking q







