Chapter Four

Maria's POV

Beep. beep.

I could hear the sound of the machine beeping, I opened my eyes and shut them back immediately. The room was too bright.

Opening my eyes again slowly this time, I saw myself in a hospital bed.

“What am I doing here?” I said, struggling to sit up.

“Doctor! She is awake,” the nurse who walked in yelled.

Soon enough, the doctor came in holding a chart and a stethoscope. He placed it on my chest, checking my heartbeat I think. He checked my eyes with a small touch and also my pulse.

“Maria, you need to rest, your body collapsed due to the shock and stress.” He instructed after the examination.

“Doctor, where is my mom?” I asked, not believing what he had last told me.

He sighed, “ Maria, we did our best.

”

“She is really gone” I sniffed, “she left me all alone.”

And as if all my organs were finally working, streams of tears flowed from my eyes. Not being able to control it, I wailed helplessly.

The doctor and nurse left, giving me space to mourn.

After what felt like forever, I finally calmed down. No matter how hard I cry, she will never come back.

I pressed the emergency button placed on my side in case I needed anything.

The nurses rushed in almost immediately, as if they had been waiting at the room's entrance.

“I want to see my mom,” I told the nurse calmly.

“Miss, the doctor needs to examine you first.” She turned to the other nurse and said something to her and then she left.

I lay back down, closing my eyes, wishing that all this was a nightmare I could just wake up from but I guess this is my reality now.

The doctor came and handed me a discharge paper. “You need to rest Maria. I will prescribe you some meditation, it will help you feel better in no time.

He paused and looked at me with pity. ”I know this is a difficult time but you need to claim your mother's body from the morgue.

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as soon as he said those words, without being able to speak I shook my head and managed to sign the papers with shaking hands.

I changed out of the hospital gown and followed one of the nurses to where the morgue is. My mom was there, with two white wools fixed in her nose.

She wasn't laughing at me, she wasn't smiling, she was truly gone.

“Miss you have to sign here,” the attendant handed me a paper with a death certificate boldly written on it.

My hands trembled as I took the pen and paper from him and signed.

“Wait here,” the attendant took the paper from me and left.

My feet stuck to the ground as I watched my mom's body. Just lying on the cold metal.

“At least she is at peace now,” I said to myself, wiping the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I placed a soft kiss on her cold forehead.

The attendant returned with her belongings and handed them to me. “ Do you want her cremated or do you want to lay her to rest yourself?”

“I.. I will take the body” I cleared my throat, almost choking on the lump of spit in my mouth.

The attendant nodded and disappeared.

I stood there and watched her lifeless body. This is the last time I would ever see her in person again.

It's been almost a month now since I buried my mom, and it feels just like yesterday. The wound in my heart feels like it has been cut open again, and again and again, draining out the life in me.

Sitting by the window, I didn't realize how much time I have spent in the four walls of my room, and I don't even feel like stepping out, life took away my will to live.

Looking over my phone, I got a message from Cassie.

“Hey Maria, you can't lock yourself indoors forever, if you need anything just call me.”

I guess she is right, I can't hide forever. Mom won't be happy seeing her baby this devastated. I decided to go to Mom's favorite park, where she used to take me as a kid. At least I'm going to feel close to her.

I got up and headed for the bathroom. Walking over a mirror, I almost screamed looking at myself, my hair was a mess, and there were dark circles under my eyes, I've become a shadow of myself.

Slipping myself into the bathtub and letting the water consume me, I finally breathe in that fresh air. It was time to move on, get my life back, and start fresh, that's what Mom would have wanted anyway.

Stepping out of the bathtub I picked out a T-shirt and a pair of jeans to go with, I fixed my hair and I was ready to take on the world.

I stepped into the kitchen to make myself something to eat, for some reason I was craving fried chicken and toast, and my fridge was empty. I decided to settle for coffee to warm me up.

The coffee tasted different, I went over the expiration date but it was still good.

“Maybe it's because I haven't had it in a while” I thought to myself.

I grabbed my purse and decided to go grocery shopping first.

The supermarket was just three buildings away so I walked. The air conditioner kissed my skin immediately I went in, I grabbed a cart and headed straight for the chicken aisle.

Grabbing every item I needed I headed over to the cashier.

"Miss, are you alright?"

“Sorry?”

“You look pale,” she added

I forced a smile. "I'm just tired."

"Alright miss, thank you for shopping" She handed me my card.

Outside, the heat wrapped around me like a duvet. Suddenly, my head tilted, the bags weren't heavy but I felt weighed down.

I stopped mid-step, breathing in and out, trying to steady myself as if that wasn't enough, I felt like throwing up

"I haven't had anything today, it can't be the coffee, can it?”

I adjusted the bags in my hand and started walking again, slower this time. By the time I reached my building, my body trembled as if I had just run a marathon.

Stepping into my apartment, I dropped the groceries on the kitchen counter and leaned against the wall, waiting for the nausea to settle but it didn't.

I barely made it to the sink before throwing up with the remaining coffee.

"This doesn't feel right," I mumbled.

I rinsed my mouth and looking up at my reflection I did look pale.

"I should probably get myself checked up. I must have caught something.

I grabbed my phone from the counter and searched for the nearest hospital. It was only fifteen minutes away.

I didn't think too much, I tied my hair back wards, grabbed my purse, and dashed out

The hospital doors slid open with a little push.

The air on my skin stood. Being here brings back lots of painful memories. I shook the feelings off and walked over to the reception desk.

"Good afternoon," the nurse said without looking up, "how may I help you?"

"I'm here to see a doctor, I've been feeling dizzy, nauseous, probably caught something," I replied.

"Alright, fill this," she handed me a small form. "The doctor will be with you shortly."

The waiting area was unusually quiet for a hospital,

a woman sat two chairs away from me, also waiting for a doctor I presume. A television mounted on the wall was playing a health program that no one was watching.

"Who is Maria?" A nurse came out calling my name.

I simply raise my hands.

"Follow me."

I followed her into the office.

I sighed with relief seeing that it was a female doctor, she would be in her mid-30s, her glasses resting on her nose.

"Have a seat, miss," she pointed at the chair in front of her.

"So," she began gently, "you've been feeling dizzy and nauseous?"

"Yes," I responded.

"For how long?"

"Today mostly. But I've been tired lately. I've just been ruling it out as stress.

"Any other symptoms."

I racked my brain to see if there was anything I was missing out on but nothing.

"Not really," I finally answered.

She nodded.

"When was your last period?"

My heart skipped.

"Last month" I replied more like muttering.

"Alright, I'm going to run a few tests to rule things out.

A nurse came in shortly after to draw blood. Afterwards, I was sent back to the waiting area.

Time moved slowly, I stared at the floor tiles, counting them just to keep my thoughts from running wild, but that didn't help much.

"It can't be, he said he couldn't have children. It must be something else," I assured myself.

The door opened and the nurse called for me again.

"Miss the test results show you are pregnant," she said and handed me a paper.

"No… that's… that's impossible.”

My words came out flat. I snatched the paper from her and skimmed through the line

Positive. Boldly written in red.

“He…. He lied to me.”