Chapter 4

ALESSANDRE

The world had a tendency to remind you of the things you'd lost especially when it stood before you hung with gold and grace. I stood in the ballroom doorway, my knuckles tight around the rim of an unopened glass of champagne. 

How did I get it? You might wonder. Well, a man with a drinking problem always finds a way.

My eyes were on her, Ophelia as she moved through the room as though she'd been born to rule, but every beat in the room waited for her approval.

God.

She was a queen and she used to be my queen.

"She hasn't even looked your direction again," Matteo said from beside me. "Not even a little."

“I wouldn't if I were her," I said, trying to sound like her ignoring me didn’t faze me at all. I failed totally at that obviously.

Matteo chuckled. "And that’s a fact,” he said. “But man, you'd think you murdered her dog, not bruised her heart.”

I glared at him, and he threw up his hands in mock contrition.

"Okay, okay. Shouldn’t have said that. But still, are you going to stand there all night like a coat rack?" 

What can I do, Mat?" I said. "No one in this place needs me. No one is extending their hand for a handshake. The only thing I'm doing well tonight is haunting her from across the goddamn room."

He looked at me. "You really loved her, didn't you?" Was that a real question?

I looked at the untouched drink in front of me. "Still do," I told him. "But it doesn't matter anymore, though, right?”

We were quiet for a moment, disappearing into the background as the ball continued with the laughing, toasting, and conversing. This used to be my clique. Now it was simply passing, as if I wasn't even there.

I tried to blend in. I truly did. I flitted from group to group, delivering the same speech I'd rehearsed a dozen times in the mirror: It’d interest you to know that Regent Pharmaceuticals is restructuring. I'm in the process of finding new investors and transitioning towards targeted therapeutics. The plan's sound.

And every time, I got the same response: tense smiles, polite nods, and wary stares. They didn’t look at me as a man trying to get back on his two feet. They looked at me and all they saw was scandal. The man who brought down a billion-dollar empire and broke the golden girl's heart. Nobody wanted to take a risk with a fallen king.

“I’m very sorry,” another potential investor said. “But my team and I will pass.” 

I was disheartened but I covered it up with a smile. This one was more honest than the others. “No problem,” I said. “Thank you for hearing me out.”

When they’d walked away, I turned, ready to get rejected again when Matteo grasped me by the cuff.

"Brother," he said. "Let it go. You're starting to look desperate. You’re practically spilling hope all over the marble floors."

"I just need one person to hear me," I growled.

"And they won't. Not tonight." His tone softened. "You did good, though. Saving that guy a little while back? You really seemed to care for the guy.”

"I did care," I snapped. "It wasn't about the views."

"I know,” he replied. “That's why I said you looked good."

I groaned and scrubbed a hand down my face. "I shouldn't have come here."

"Yes, you should have," he said. "You needed to see her."

"That wasn't seeing her," I gasped. "That was reaching out to something that I shouldn’t have touched."

He didn't argue. He just put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Let's just wait another fifteen minutes. Then we’ll disappear like ghosts."

I nodded because I didn't have the strength to argue anymore.

I caught another flash of her out of the corner of my eyes. Her smile was subtle, her posture steady. But I knew her. I saw the tension in her jaw. I'd pushed her once over her breaking point. Now I had wondered if she'd rebuilt herself just so no one could ever hurt her again.

And yet, by God, I wished she didn’t.

Not because I wanted to hurt or possess her. But because I wanted to be close enough to feel her warmth one final time.

I never got the chance.

A waiter walked past with a tray, shaking me out of it.

"I'm going," I said to Matteo. "No use in hanging around."

"I'll go get our coats," he said.

I headed for the door, not looking back. But I felt eyes on me, and when I turned back, she was watching me.

It wasn’t for long, maybe half a second, but it was enough to ruin me.

I went out into the cold night air and took a deep breath. There were no cameras or whispers here and once more, I was invisible.

And maybe, just maybe, that was a blessing.

Afterward, Matteo and I made our way toward the exit.

“I’ll drive,” he said. “You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

I almost told him I wanted to be alone. But the words didn’t come.

Instead, I said, “I felt like I had something again tonight. For a second, when I was helping that man... when I caught her.”

He didn’t laugh at me. He just looked ahead and said, “Maybe you still do.”

A few minutes later that night, in my little apartment that I called home, I was perched on the edge of my frayed couch, elbows on my knees, my tie undone, staring at the blank TV screen as if it would magically tell me what to do next.

Matteo came out from the kitchen with two coffees as if he hadn't spent last night babysitting a man lost in his own past.

"You looked like crap tonight," he said, offering me a cup.

"I feel worse," I said, taking it from his hands.

He studied me. "You still in love with her?"

I didn’t respond. He was fond of asking me that question.

"You're planning something," he said.

"Why do you assume that?" 

"Because I’ve seen that look before,” he said. “That’s the same look you had when you introduced Regent to those sperm investors ten years ago."

I stared into the coffee. "I just… I saw her, Mat. And it wasn't even her. It was the fire. The force and power she commanded. That used to be me. She hasn't just lived. She's become… untouchable."

"So what?" he said.

"So,” I continued. “If she was able to get up from the ashes and build a kingdom, maybe I can too."

Matteo nodded seriously. "Then start tomorrow. But don’t do it for her. Do it for you."

I didn’t answer immediately. But deep within me, I knew he was right.

But… everything that I had lost stemmed from her. Everything that I wanted stemmed from her as well.

I drained the cup in my hands silently.