Harsh reality

They’re lying, they have to be.

"Doctor, you have to check again. We need more time"

"We've been managing her condition since her birth, it's time to provide her a proper treatment and that has to be done as soon as possible", the doctor, Hawkins speaks, but I can't really hear him over the frantic pounding of my heart. He continues his speech but I can't hear anything. He must notice how lost I am because he calls out to me.

"Audrey? Are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

I shake my head, trying to push away my spiraling thoughts.

"Yeah", my voice comes out scratchy. I clear my throat. "Yeah. I heard you. Can I see her?"

He stares at me, pity evident on his face. He's been responsible for my daughter since she was a little baby with the kidney condition. He knows what a struggle it's been taking care of my self, Keila and all the medical bills, he knows how many jobs I've had to juggle just be able to afford the kind of care Keila needs to survive

"Yes, you can see her. She should be awake by now".

I nod, turning around to leave.

"Audrey?", Dr Hawkins calls. I turn, waiting for him to speak.

"Meet me after you see her. I'll try to figure out a way to extend her admission", he assures me.

I nod. “Thanks”

~~~~~~~<>~~~~~~~

There are way too many wires and machines hooked up to my five year old daughter.

The longer I look, the sadder I feel. She's awake now, which means I can't cry, not without upsetting her.

"Mummy", she calls out to me, stretching out her thin frail arms towards me as l take the sit beside her hospital bed. I muster up a sweet smile to comfort her.

"Hey sweetie", I say. "How's my favorite daughter doing ?"

"Mom, I'm your only daughter", she says, giggling- or tries to. It comes out sounding pained. Seeing the obvious pain she's trying to hide, I'm tempted to cry again.

"You're so brave", I commend her with a watery smile.

"I have to be. I've gotta get well soon so I can get back to lessons with Lina"

Keila's condition is bad enough that we were advised to home-school her. Lina is her private tutor and Keila loves her and their lessons together. Keila still thinks her stay in the hospital would be like the last times, short. It's not that way and I don't know how to break it to her that she would be admitted for longer this time. I don't know how to tell her that her condition has worsened. I don't

know how to tell her that I'm out of money to pay her medical bills, or that if I'm unable to pay up this time, she might not make it this time around, so I keep the fake smile on my face to make sure she doesn't see the worry on it.

"When am I leaving?"

, she asks.

"Soon, once the doctor clears you", I lie, knowing that she won't be cleared anytime soon.

"Am I okay now?"

"I don't know yet, but you'll surely be okay soon"

"I don't feel okay. My body hurts", she admits quietly and the tears I've been trying to keep at bay slip out faster than I can control them.

"It's okay, the doctors would take care of you so it won't hurt anymore", I reassure her, managing to keep up with the smile, even as my tears slip out.

"Okay", she says, raising her little palm to clean my tears. I hold my baby's hand, silently crying into it. "They'll fix me. Don't cry anymore"

I offer her a watery smile, sitting right by her side and watching as she drifts off to Some few hours later, I step out to meet Dr Hawkins. I find him in the hallway, already talking to a patient. He notices me and excuses himself from the conversation.

"Hey, so I talked to my partner, we put in a request. We can keep Keila here for a few more days, provide basic treatments, just as long as you're able to pay a percentage of the bill. But about the surgery, we really can't do anything about it without the full bill being paid. It's an expensive procedure. The funds have to be covered before we can do anything else"

I exhale a breath, trying to think of how I can pay a thirty thousand dollar bill without selling an organ or two, and that's excluding the pay for her stay.

"How long do I have?"

"Without the proper treatment, Keila has just about a month at most before her organ fails to the point that we can't help her. You have about that amount of time to gather the money so we can run the procedure as soon as possible", he answers.

I sniffle, subtly trying to hide the tears on my face.

"She's in the red already, Audrey. I'm sorry to say, but if you don't have any means to get the money soon, then there's no way we can help Keila. Both kidneys are severely damaged, one more than the other. We're going to remove that one before it completely destroys the other. After that, we'll have to do a transplant for both kidneys which costs a fortune."

"Why are you telling me this?", I cut him off.

"I just want you to know what we're dealing with. I need you to be sure you can handle it. And there's the possibility that when the time for a transplant comes, we might not be able to find a donor before her other kidney fails completely. This is a lot, Audrey, think it's time"

I look up at him, barely concealed anger shinning through my eyes.

"Time for what? I really hope it's not what I'm thinking"

"Audrey, she's five and she's suffering", he offers like I didn't know that my baby is suffering because I'm unfit to be a mother.

"I can handle it", I say.

"Audrey mayb-"

"I said I can handle it", I snap. He nods and I turn away to leave, feeling horrible.