CHAPTER 3 - Mixed Emotions

James’s heart pounded loudly on his chest. 

At the same time, Sherah clenches the hem of her dress tightly and pretends to be oblivious.

She lets out a faint smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. "Good afternoon, Mr. Lee. Is Ethan inside?" She asks as she shoves all the things she hears in the depths of her mind.

James grinned awkwardly, "What's with calling me Mister? James would suffice." He then nods in guilt. “Yes, he is. I think you arrived just in time. He said he was starving... He's so hungry that he starts talking nonsense,” he added playfully while staring at the lunchbox in her hand. 

"Poor woman," he uttered to himself.

She bowed her head, hiding the ache in her heart, and headed to Ethan’s office.

When she got inside, she displayed her best smile as if she heard nothing.

But deep inside, her mind was in chaos. Her mind is racing. Everything she knew about him went down the drain. Like a shattered mirage that kept her blind for 5 years.

“I’m a stand-in.”

"He never loved me?"

"This man I call husband never loved me."

“This is not my Ethan. Who is this man?” She kept on asking herself.

Oblivious to the chaos in her mind, Ethan nonchalantly rose from his seat and welcomed her. 

"Sherah, darling. What brings you here?" He asks in a soft tone. His voice was too sweet, far from the proud, malicious tone he used earlier. 

Her hand starts shaking again. “Who is this man?” she asks herself while staring directly at his brown eyes. 

He leans for a kiss, but she glances away and avoids his lips.

He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong when he suddenly saw the bandage on her finger.

"Did you cut yourself making this?" he asked worriedly.

She smiled wider but couldn't utter any more words. 

She was confused about how the man who spoke so low of her now acted like the same man she thought loved her dearly. “What a good actor…” she remarked internally.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he extended his hand to reach hers, but she avoided his touch as if it was venomous.

It didn't go unnoticed. "Is there something wrong?" he questioned as he noticed her face paled.

She shook her head, "I... I need to go... I have to run some errands for your grandma..." She emitted her voice barely above a whisper and soon left.

Her weird behavior puzzles him. He's about to follow her when, suddenly, he receives a message from Sophia asking him when he will be coming back to accompany her dress shopping as if Australia was 30 minutes away from New York.

Meanwhile, Sherah hurriedly ran to her car. Her stomach was churning. Devastation, despair, and disbelief are twisting her guts, and she starts puking.

But she soon composed herself as she heard footsteps coming her way. She calmed herself as she didn’t want anyone to spread any rumors about it.  

She immediately wiped the vomit away from her lips and, with trembling hands, frantically left the place and drove mindlessly.

No destination. No one to talk to. No one to share what she discovered.

Her heart felt like a ticking time bomb ready to explode anytime. 

When she couldn’t take it anymore, she stopped on the roadside near a park to walk it off.

Her face was sullen as she stared blankly at the ground. Every step felt like daggers cutting her flesh at the same time, memories flashed like a wave. 

Their morning walks, late-night conversations, and trips to different places. All happy memories—memories that are not supposed to be for her. 

She was so preoccupied that she didn’t notice a car was speeding close to her, but before she got hit, a dog jumped at her, saving her from death.

She fell to the ground and scraped her knee, but her face remained sorrowful.

"Miss, are you okay?" the dog owner asked. “You should look at your surroundings. Drivers these days are reckless,” he suggested with concern. 

Without looking at the man, she nods in agreement. All she could think of was how Ethan would react if she got hit by the car and died. She smiled bitterly, “He’ll probably celebrate that he finally got rid of me,” she said to herself.

"Sherah, it's you again." The man's voice jolted her back to her senses.

When she lifted her gaze, she saw Eliot holding his dog's leash.

"You look pale. Did the incident earlier still bother you?" He asks in concern.

She stared at him, clueless that her eyes were filled with tears.

Eliot stared at her with a fearful gaze. "Does something hurt? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" he offered in a soft voice while glancing at the bystanders looking at them.

Soon his dog walked near her and sat beside her as if apologizing for jumping at her.

She starts laughing and wipes her tears. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” 

He stretched his arm to help her up and offered his handkerchief to wipe her tears.

"Well, this is weird. Here you are saving me again," she uttered as she cried further. "I'm sorry to bother you. I just found out something devastating..." She laughs mockingly as she realizes she's talking to a stranger.

Then it dawned on her that she had no one to share her emotions as she made Ethan the center of her world.

For Sherah, Ethan is more than a husband. He is her rock. Her best friend. Her soulmate, or so she thought.

She breathes erratically and clasps her chest as the agony suffocates her. Cold sweat formed on her forehead.

Her face turned pallid by the second.

She glanced around and saw Eliot's worried gaze on her.

He opened his mouth and muttered words, but she could not hear him. 

All she could hear was a loud, irritating buzzing sound.

She could feel tiny needles poking into her flesh. Soon, everything around her moves swiftly at the same time, her sight begins to blur, and shortly she loses consciousness.