MasukThe light filled the room like a lighted firework. It was harsh, blinding, and spearing into my swollen, tear-crusted eyes after the endless suffocating dark.
He stepped inside, and slammed the door shut behind him with a thunderous thud that went straight through the floor and made my whole body tremble violently.The tiny space shrank to nothing, claustrophobic, intimate, unbearable. The air was so thick and heavy with the raw, choking stench of my peak desperation it burnHe stood up abruptly, pacing across the small bedroom area, with his fingers running through his hair. I could see him trying to process, trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened, how we'd gone from making out on the couch to this."Is there someone else?" he asked finally, turning to face me.My heart lurched so violently it almost hurt. Every lie I'd told over the past few months flashed through my mind at once. Every carefully chosen word. Every conversation I'd redirected. Every time I'd promised myself I'd deal with Jax later, after I'd figured myself out.This is the moment where every thread I'd been desperately trying to keep separate finally tangled together. There wasn't an answer I could give that wouldn't hurt him.The question hung in the air between us, and I knew I should lie. I should say no. It's easily sensible that I protect Jax and myself and the secret we'd been keeping. But I was so fucking tired of lying, and I felt like a total shit and I also Miles
He sat up too, running a hand through his hair, trying to catch his breath and sober up enough to have a coherent conversation. "Talk to me. What's going on?"I don't know what was going on was that my body wouldn't cooperate. I don't know why it wouldn't give me what I needed to make this work. Why it wouldn't respond the way it was supposed to, wouldn't let me want him enough, wouldn't give me enough that I could get through this."I'm sorry," I said, and my voice came out small and broken. "I thought I could...I wanted to be able to... but I can't.""Can't what?" His voice was gentle, patient, even though I could see the confusion and hurt starting to creep into his expression"This. Any of this." The words were spilling out now, too much whiskey and too much emotion making it impossible to maintain any kind of filter. "I've been trying so hard to want this, to want you the way I should, to make this work, but I can't, and I'm so fucking sorry because you deserve someone who can ac
We made it to the bed in a tangle of limbs and lips and desperate hands, falling onto the quilts with Miles just barely on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress. His mouth fell on my lips, my neck, my jaw, and my lips again, and his hands were sliding under my shirt, pushing it up, exposing skin.I should have felt consumed. Should have felt that electric pull, that need that made everything else fade away. Should have wanted this so badly that nothing else mattered.Instead, I felt like I was watching from outside my own body.His hands found the hem of my shirt and he pulled back slightly. His eyes were dark with pure want, lust and whiskey. "Can I?"I nodded, unable to speak, and he pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it aside.I was wearing a simple cotton bra, nothing sexy, nothing planned, and his hands moved to touch me through the fabric, and his lips found mine again.I kissed him back. Tried to sink into it. Tried to feel what I was supposed to feel.He pul
"We should probably head inside," he said, standing and offering me his hand. "It's getting cold as fuck out here."I let him pull me up, and we stood there for a moment, face to face in the dying firelight, close enough that I could feel the warmth coming off his body."Thank you," he said quietly. "For being honest with me. For not just saying what you think I want to hear.""Of course."He leaned in and kissed me, soft and sweet and brief, and I kissed him back very soft and deep.When we pulled apart, he grabbed the whiskey bottle and we headed inside, leaving the fire to burn itself out safely.The cabin felt warm and cozy after the cold outside, the interior fire still going strong. Miles added a log to keep it burning and we settled on the couch, the blanket from last night draped over both of us.The whiskey was starting to hit harder now, combining with the beer from dinner and the emotional intensity of the past hour to create this floating, disconnected feeling.I was defin
The words hung in the cold night air. They were as visible as the moon shining over us, and I felt every muscle in my body tense."I'm falling for you."I should say something. I should respond to that vulnerability with something equally honest, or at least kind. But my throat had closed up and my mind was racing through every possible response and finding them all inadequate.Because the truth was that I liked him. I love hin genuinely, truly love him. He makes me laugh, shows up, and he's obviously the exact kind of person anyone with sense would fall for.But it's starting to feel as though liking someone and falling for them weren't the same fucking thing for me, and I was terrified that he could see the difference on my face."You don't have to say anything," Miles said quickly, misreading my silence as panic. "I'm not asking you to say it back or feel the same way or anything. I just... I wanted you to know. Where I'm at.""Miles—""And I know it's fast," he continued, the word
We sat there for a while, not talking, just existing. Miles pulled out the sandwiches he'd made turkey and cheese on good bread, with actual lettuce and tomato and mustard, and we ate lunch with our feet dangling over the stream, the sun warm on our faces despite the cold air."Thank you for bringing me here," I said after we'd finished eating. "All of this. It feels like something I was always going to love, but I've never known. It's really special, Miles."He turned to look at me, and there was something soft in his expression. "I wanted to share it with you. These are the places that matter to me, you know? The places I come back to in my head when things get complicated. And I wanted you to see them, to understand why they matter.""I do understand.""Yeah?" He reached over and took my hand, lacing our fingers together. "Because I feel like maybe you're starting to get me. Like you're seeing past the surface stuff to what's actually underneath."I squeezed his hand, unable to spe
His finger was barely inside me. Just the tip, maybe half an inch, enough to make me crazy but nowhere near enough to help.I could feel myself trying to clench around it, trying to pull him deeper, but he held his hand completely still."Ja..ax—" His name came out desperate, in
He had changed into sweatpants with no shirt, looking at me standing there in just my bra and panties, like a predator looking at it's prey.I'd made a terrible mistake coming here.Or maybe a perfect one.The jealousy I'd wanted him to feel all night was about to eat us both alive.He didn't move.
"He's nice," I said, which was true but also obviously not really an answer, but it felt like a good thing to say.Lexi made this frustrated noise and said "Nice? That's what you're going with?" "What do you want me to say?" "I don't know. That you're into him?
Everyone was together now in this loose comfortable circle that felt familiar and easy in a way that made my chest completely loosen.Miles, Alex, Vera, and two others whose names I knew but didn't really use outside of group hangouts—everyone was here with drinks in their hands and exci







