THE WEEKS AFTER Over the next few weeks, this changed, a little. I wasn’t crying every night anymore, which felt weird. Almost like betrayal. Like my body was adjusting without asking me first. But some mornings, I’d wake up feeling down. One afternoon, I picked up a pencil, not really thinking much about it. I drew the corner of the window, then my teacup. Then I stopped. It didn’t feel deep or emotional, just something my hand remembered how to do. But still, it was something. It felt strange to draw again after so long. Like I wasn’t sure I was allowed to enjoy anything. I knew I was wearing out a lot of persons in my sorry state, but no matter how I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to shake it off, to let go. So thankful to the people I have around me. My aunt Linda was simply the best, she knew I needed time. She didn’t push for more. And Sophia, Sophia didn’t back off. She showed up more. Knocked like she owned the place, waved off my silence like it was background noise
IVY- A NEW HOME My first night at Aunt Linda’s place was weird. It wasn’t bad. Just felt a little off. Too quiet. And a bit cold, not like temperature cold but just - not warm. The house wasn’t bad, t’was just hard to settle in. It didn’t feel like home. Not even close. I mean, I was thankful to her, really, I was. But still. I put my things on the floor and began to unpack which really didn’t take long to do either. I didn’t bring much to be honest. Just what I thought I would need for a few days’ worth of stuff. A few clothes, a phone charger, the stuffed bear I’ve had since I was six. The rest of what I had was left back at the house. Our house. I couldn’t pack up everything and leave like that. It was still home, even if it wasn’t anymore. That house was all I knew. My parents. The smell. The memories. Every wall had a piece of our memories embedded in it. I couldn’t pack that in a bag. Aunt Linda really did try, though. She made up the guest bed with fresh sheets, al
IVY - NOT ONE OF THEM Tears ran down my face. Aunt Melinda stood up angrily. “Watch your mouth, young lady. We’re here trying to help you, and this is how you repay us?” “I get that you’re hurting. But losing your parents doesn’t give you an excuse to disrespect your elders.” There were murmurs of agreement. Another made a comment about it being their brother’s property and how I was now a child in their care. Tears ran down my cheeks, down the wrinkled shirt I threw on that morning soaking it up. I probably looked pitiful at that moment, but I didn’t care, I wasn’t backing down. “Seriously, If this were to be a picture of what a true family relations looks like, then I don’t ever want to be any part of it,” I yelled. They all ignored me and continued with their conversation. My chest hurt like crazy, like someone had punched me right through it. I couldn’t breathe right, couldn’t even think straight. I was confused as hell. “Were this people really human?” They lac
IVY (WHAT HAPPENS TO IVY).The room fell silent for a moment, aunt Linda’s words seemed to mellow the mood, but that didn’t last long at all. Not long before that someone started the conversation again, i couldn’t even remember who exactly, all I knew was that i was tired of the whole thing. A lump formed in my throat, my head was hurting, the room was spinning. I pressed my hand to my chest, trying to keep myself from losing my cool, but none of that seemed to matter to the people in the room, all they cared about was themselves. Somewhere along the line, someone suggested placing me in some government welfare agency across the state, since I had long passed the age for foster care. A few murmurs of agreement came from my dad’s side of the family, but my mom’s side looked around uncomfortably, though it seemed like they were for me, they weren’t offering any help to her situation. It was only aunt Linda who cursed them out calling them all sorts of foul names which had shocke
IVY (SUPPOSED FAMILY) The life I once knew had shattered, and now everything felt out of my control. But there was no escaping this way of life, even as I mourned my parents’ death. Less than a week after laying my parents to rest, I sat in the living room, surrounded by relatives who congregated in the living room. It felt like I was seated in some official business meeting. They spoke amongst themselves, but they didn’t speak to me. I just sat in the corner, feeling very small and lost. I knew they were talking about me. About what would happen to me now. But no one asked me how I felt. I just sat there listening. I didn’t know most of them. Some were from my mom’s family. Some were from my dad’s. Dad’s family didn’t visit much before, so I didn’t know them at all. I looked at their faces, hoping to remember who was who, but that proved to be a waste of time. I could only recognized few people from her mom's side of the family. My dad's side of the family, i could barely r
The day of the burial came too soon. I wasn’t ready. I don’t even think I moved when I woke up that morning. The rain had already started - just a light drizzle - but it felt like the whole world was warning me, ‘today’s going to hurt’. Everyone was in black. Umbrellas everywhere. But halfway through, the rain didn’t care about that anymore. It poured, soaking everyone. No one moved. No one spoke. Just the sound of water hitting coats and skin, and the occasional sniffle. I held Aunty Linda’s hand. Tight. Her hand was warm. Mine was cold, all over. But I didn’t let go. If I did, I felt like I’d fall apart. I couldn’t stop staring at the caskets. Two. Side by side. That was them. My parents. Right there. White lilies covered the tops. They loved those. I remember them in vases all around the house. I shut my eyes hard. I had told myself - don’t cry. Not today. Be strong. You don’t want them to see you fall apart. You want them to be proud. But inside, I was shaking. I wa