She Picked Her Love. I Ended Her Future

Sandra

I looked into the mirror, gently applying the concealer to my eye to hide the greenish-brown fade of an old bruise.  The key to the city to the biggest monster, I couldn't slow my thoughts, but I was getting better at controlling my mouth. It had been a week or more since I had upset him to the point that he laid his hands on me.  Mrs. Detective Ryan Burd, or so the department referred to me, Nameless. I looked into the mirror attentively to be sure I didn't have to have any awkward "I'm clumsy" conversations.  I stood up slowly. My hair fell to my shoulders. I wanted to have it cut but he wouldn't allow it. Told me if he wanted to date a man, he would have married one. I laughed inside at the thought of a gay Ryan and began brushing my tangles out.  I stared at my face in the mirror. Light eye shadow, little eyeliner, and some gloss. Hopefully, this would pacify his insecurities. My black hair looked dark over the pale shade of my skin. I had more bruises on my arm but knew I could cover them with a wrap that matched my dress. I put my hands down to make sure the dress was an appropriate length. I looked again in the mirror. My cold grey eyes were misty. I shook it off and headed out of the bathroom.  

"You look like a whore!" I jumped when I heard his voice in the hallway.  Could he even see me? Dick I thought. I didn't respond as I went to the closet to find a wrap. The blue sweater he had got me last time matched and covered my bruises nicely. I slid it on, grabbed some flats, and walked to the door. I hesitated to walk to the stairs. I didn't want to go celebrate this man. The monster I married. I loved him so much on our wedding day. I still couldn't understand what happened to him. I took a deep breath and stared down the hallway. So many happy pictures. The wedding was beautiful, my dress was white like a traditional wedding gown should be. We smiled for the pictures in front of friends. It was one of the happiest days I have had since I met him. The honeymoon was romantic. Ryan had wine, I wasnt allowed to becuase he said he wanted to get me pregnant. He told me he believed wine would stop that. I wanted to have a baby. To have a happy little family. It was a beautiful time for us even if I didnt get pregnant. It seemed perfect. Until the day he made detective. He changed so fast after that. I could remember helping him get his tie on. He seemed frustrated with me that day and I didn't understand why.  When the accusations came flying out I was so confused. I had never cheated on anyone. The threats were crazy and terrifying, I thought surely he was just being dramatic. It's all a blur after that. Feeling the stinging on my face, hitting the foor. The wind being knocked out of me. Feeling him pick me up, hold me to him and force his tongue in my mouth. Crying hard in the bathroom. The apologies and gifts the next morning. The promise to never treat me that way again. That was so long ago. It just got progressively worse over time. Although I still receive some gifts, the promises are long gone. 

 

"What took you so long? You didn't work hard getting ready" He looked me up and down. " I'm sorry Ry, I'm ready now."  He grabbed the keys and headed out the door.  Throwing on my flats and grabbing my purse I followed. "When they ask me why I am late, do you think I should tell them my wife is an idiot?" He laughed. He thought he was a comedian. "Tell them whatever you want" I snapped back, immediately regretting it. He reached over and grabbed my thigh. Hard. "Isn't someone feeling mouthy tonight" he looked over and smiled at me.  Not in the way you smile at someone you love. The way the serial killer smiles at his next victim during a horror film.  "Not mouthy. I'm sorry Ry" I smiled back nicely refusing to react.  I had considered getting that tattooed on my forehead. IM SORRY RY. All in capitals. He pulled up to the banquet building and finally let go of my leg. He stepped out of the vehicle and watched as the valet helped me out as well. I was sure my face was red, and my eyes were misty again. No one noticed.  nameless.

As he walked inside, I watched him, smiling and shaking hands. Charming. I thought I might vomit.  His captain walked up to me and took my hand. "Mrs. Burd it's so nice to see you," he said softly as he held my hand to his mouth. "Hello sir, how is Carol?" I truly didn't care how Carol was. " She's wonderful, my beautiful wife, just inside the dining room" he answered anyway. "Hey Ryan, I think I may go say hello to Carol," I said as more of a question. He nodded and continued to his worshippers. I just wanted to be away from him. I walked to the dining area and glanced around. Many faces I knew sitting at different white cloth-covered tables. Carol Spotted me and was waving me over...  "Oh Sandra, that dress is beautiful on you,” she said as she grabbed my arm to usher me to the table. She was nice enough. An older woman with bright red lips and drawn-on eyebrows. One of those ladies you remember from church who would offer you a mint. We talked for a few minutes before we were joined by the men.  A smile grew big on Carol's face as her husband approached her. " Hello handsome" He kissed her cheek and took his seat. Ryan also approached the table, kissing my cheek and sitting down. The conversation was gentle while we were waiting for the meal. Weather and sports and shop talk. An announcer started to test the mic, and everyone stilled. " Hello everyone, I'm so glad you could make it out. I'm so glad we can be here to celebrate an extraordinary man in our police department, a man who fights the evil and crime in the city and brings it to its knees." He paused. I tried to listen, but the words disgusted me. I dazed off and found the very dark eyes of a stranger watching me. A server of sorts. I looked at him for a minute. Something about him excited me. I could feel my breathing speed up the longer I looked his way. Why does he feel so familiar? How do I know him? 

When Ryan stood up, I almost jumped while everyone applauded. I snapped out of my daze and stood up clapping too. Faking the biggest proud smile, I could. When he walked up to the stage everyone sat down. The man reached him the plaque with the key and seated himself as well. "Hello friends, coworkers, and my beautiful wife Sandra" I smiled sweetly as I knew the attention was now on me. He continued " This city has been my home for most of my life. It is my honor to keep it safe and keep the danger off the streets and away from its people. I couldn't do it without my amazing brothers and captain. I am so honored to accept this key and plaque, but I must say I am just doing my job." the room erupted. whistling and clapping and table slapping.  I just couldn’t help but feel it was too loud. It made me jump and hurt my ears. When I caught Ryan looking, I enthusiastically clapped along. I wondered how he did that. Smiled so sweetly at me. He should win an Oscar for sure. He walked back to our table, smiling and shaking hands as he passed the people by, finally sitting beside me. They served a nice dinner, and we all began to eat. I appreciated the silence. "The dinner was wonderful" I smiled at one of the servers. "I'll be sure to tell the chef.” She was smiling back. "Would you like to dance Mrs. Burd?" the captain was tipsy and lively at this point. I glanced at Ryan, and he again nodded his approval. The captain practically carried me off to the dance floor. He had always been kind to me. A plump older man with the origin of the bald spot. I always noticed the softness in his eyes. Ryan told me he could be harsh when he needed to be. I suppose that’s why he was the captain. He began to spin and shake and move in ways no one should but I tried to follow along. I did have a fondness for him. 

The song ended and was quickly followed by a slow song. I felt a tug at my arm and turned to see Ryan smiling at me. "Hello wife, can I have this dance" Suddenly my breath caught but I smiled and said, "Of course".  As we danced, he looked deep into my eyes. "I love you, Sandy, so you know... I couldn't live without you... and I wouldn’t" taking this chance to tell me again that I can't leave. "I love you too Ryan."