LOGIN(Natasha)I asked Julian weeks ago how sick his wife was.He handed me a magic trick instead of an answer.Said she was magnificent, changed the subject, the way he does when the truth is load-bearing.So tonight I’m circumventing him for his own good.Taylor may think he’s still in love with me. I know that’s not true.He’s going to lose the woman he really loves soon, and I want to be prepared so I can clear my schedule in time to be there for him.I invite Taylor to my place for a drink, because I want to see what she does when the audience is only me.She arrives with a bottle of something expensive and tells me my townhouse is aggressively tasteful.Which from her is a compliment and an insult holding hands.We have one drink.She's funny.She does an impression of Julian ordering wine that’s so accurate I have to set my glass down so I don’t choke to death on the contents of my glass.But I'm not just watching the show.I'm watching the spaces around it.And the spaces are wrong
(Natasha)I say yes on a Tuesday.Which feels right, because the whole thing started on a Tuesday, and I'm nothing if not consistent."We're delighted," the recruiter says, in that voice that bills by the quarter-hour."Truly. The board will be thrilled.""I can only start in two months," I tell her. "I won’t leave Stein in the lurch. Mr. Stein will need time to find my replacement and there are projects I have to wrap up.""Understood."I don’t think I’m imagining the note of approval in her voice.Understandably so.It’s the ones who'd walk out at the drop of a hat that you need to worry about.I hang up.And then I sit in my office and do deep-breathing exercises for five minutes, because I've gone and done it.CEO.The big chair.A firm that has nothing to do with Mason, or Chase, or my shares in Warren Global.A company that I absolutely know is hiring me strictly because they want me to run their business.No emotions tangled up in it at all.Mine. Built by me, run by me. No man
(Chase)"Your nervous system thinks you're being chased by a lion," Chloe says."All day. Every day. That's the not-sleeping. Your body's been screaming at you and you've had it on mute."I'm on a floor cushion in an apartment that smells like incense and burnt oranges, holding a mug of something brown she's promised me isn't coffee and is, in fact, "the opposite of coffee, energetically."After tasting it I suspect it may just be muddy water.I’ve made a terrible mistake.I came here on my own two feet. Nobody made me. I have to keep reminding myself of this."Mute," I say."Mute. Oh my God, completely."She lowers herself onto the cushion across from me, still as lithe as a willow, even with the tiny bump."Most powerful men I meet are running on cortisol and spite. You can hear it. Your voice sits up here."She taps her throat."It should sit down here."She taps her belly, which is round now, which I am being very normal about.Some of this is insane. I'd like that on the record.
(Natasha)"When did she start doing that? The pinch. Thumb and finger."Gloria catches the soggy puff Lily hands her like she's been entrusted with something priceless."Is that early? That feels early."Gloria is on my living room floor.Gloria, who once renegotiated a deal in heels at two in the morning and never once sat down, is folded onto my rug in a skirt that costs more than the rug, letting my daughter feed her wet snacks."It's normal," I say. "She's a baby. They all do it.""She's clearly advanced.""She ate a sticker this morning. Off the floor. With genuine relish.""Adventurous palate," Gloria says, without hesitation, and offers Lily her thumb to gum.From the good armchair, Taylor cracks one eye open."Gloria. You're scaring the woman in her own home.""I'm admiring the baby," Gloria says defensively."You're inhaling the baby. You've sniffed her head twice since you got here. I'm keeping a tally.""Once.""Twice. I don't miss things."Taylor sinks deeper into the chai
(Natasha)"Chin down," the painter says.Mr Warren, please relax your shoulders. You're sitting like you're waiting for bad news."Chase drops them half an inch.They climb straight back up.We've been at this twenty minutes.Lily has escaped twice, and eaten a tube of cadmium something the man swears is non-toxic.She’s now decided the one thing she wants in this life is the floor.Having my painting done is not something I ever imagined myself doing.I said yes for reasons I haven't fully explained to myself, never mind to him.Eleanor seemed so vulnerable when she brought it up, and that’s half of why I agreed.The rest was Chase across the dinner table, already building the little speech that lets me off the hook.He was so used to me saying no to anything that hinted at permanence between him and me, that he was braced for a no.I’m tired of being the wife who won’t.So. Here we are. Oils. A Thursday. Holding still.I’m somewhat regretting my agreement in the moment.I was expect
(Chase)"Before you make the face," my mother says, "It's already paid for. So the face won't save you.""I'm not making a face.""You're loading one. I can see the spring."I’m at the birthday dinner my mother insisted on throwing me for a birthday I don’t want to celebrate.Lily's in the high chair my mother keeps here now, along with a crib, stroller, and a standing set of opinions about all three.Lily’s turning a breadstick into paste with great focus.Natasha's across from me wearing most of Lily's last course on one shoulder and beyond caring.The glamour of parenthood cannot be overstated."What did you do?" I ask."I commissioned a portrait of the three of you. An oil painting, done by a proper artist. The man's very good and very booked, and he's coming Thursday as a favor to me. So no one at this table is allowed to be difficult about it."She says no one and looks straight at me.Then, for half a second, she pointedly doesn't look at Natasha, which is its own kind of looki







