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The weight of words
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2026-01-24 01:52:02
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She was never his to own The space between
Six weeks after Sofia was born, I finally opened the envelope.It sat on my nightstand every night. Some nights I picked it up, held it, traced the letters of my name. Some nights I put it in the drawer just to stop looking at it.But on this night, I slid my finger under the flap and pulled out the pages inside.Three pages. Handwritten. Alexander's careful letters.Dear Elena,If you're reading this, you've had the baby. Our baby. I don't know if you're alone or surrounded by family. I don't know anything except that you're the strongest person I've ever known, and somewhere in the world right now, our daughter is breathing her first breaths.I'm writing this from my room in the facility. It's 2 AM. I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face. The way you looked at me during the worst of it—scared, trapped, desperate to escape.I don't expect you to ever love me again. I don't expect forgiveness. But I need you to know something I should have told you a thousand times
She was never his to own The first breath
The fire burned down to embers. I stood in Rosa's backyard, one hand on my belly, watching the last traces of my letter turn to ash. The smoke rose into the Seattle night, carrying three years of pain somewhere I couldn't follow.Sofia kicked. Hard. Like she was reminding me she was still there."I know, baby," I whispered.Rosa appeared in the back door. "Come inside, mija. It's cold.""I'm fine.""You're stubborn." She wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. "That's where you get it from."I almost laughed. The letter had helped. I felt lighter. Not fixed. Just lighter."He's really gone," I said. "Ninety days. Maybe more."Rosa studied me. "And how do you feel about that?""I don't know. Relieved. Scared. Empty. All of it.""That's normal."We sat in the kitchen drinking tea. Comfortable silence. Then my phone buzzed. Unknown number.I let it go to voicemail. Then a message appeared.Elena, it's Julia. Alexander's assistant. There's something you need to know. Call me.My hands shoo
She was never his to own Letting go
P.S. I've instructed my estate lawyer to set up a trust fund for Sofia. You'll have complete control; I won't have access to it, won't be able to use it as leverage, and won't know what you use it for. It's not an apology. It's not a bribe. It's just the one thing I can do that might actually help her, even if she never knows it came from me.I read the letter three times, tears streaming down my face.He was leaving. Going to treatment. Removing himself from my life voluntarily.It was everything I'd asked for. Everything I'd wanted.So why did it feel like losing something I couldn't afford to lose?Sofia kicked hard, and I pressed both hands to my belly."Your daddy is very sick," I whispered. "But he's trying to get better. I don't know if he can. I don't know if it's enough. But he's trying."I folded the letter carefully and put it in the drawer of the changing table, next to the ultrasound photos and the baby name book I'd been using.Maybe someday, when Sofia was old enough to
She was never his to own Remorse and Ruin
"But this morning, when he left the hospital, he looked at me and said, 'I don't remember being the man who hurt her, but I can feel the weight of it. I can feel what I destroyed. And if I can't fix it, the least I can do is bear witness to it.' And I thought... maybe you should decide for yourself whether to read them or not."Catherine left without waiting for a response.I stared at the envelope for a long time. My name was written on it in handwriting that was familiar and foreign at the same time. Alexander's writing, but shakier and less confident than I remembered.Rosa appeared beside me. "Are you going to open it?""I don't know.""What does your gut tell you?"I pressed my hand to my belly, feeling Sofia move. "My gut tells me that reading it will hurt. But not reading it might hurt more."---I waited until late that night, when Rosa was asleep and the house was quiet. I sat in the nursery, surrounded by yellow walls and baby furniture, and opened the envelope.The letter w
She was never his to own The aftermath
"I understand why you left. I understand why you can't forgive me. But please know this: I will spend the rest of my life trying to be someone Sofia can be proud of. Even if she never knows me. Even if you never let me near her. I will never stop trying to be better than the man I was. - A"I stared at the message through my tears.Then I blocked the number and drove home.I didn't tell anyone what happened at the hospital. Not Rosa, who watched me with worried eyes as I went through the motions of eating dinner. Not Sarah, who called three times and got sent to voicemail. Not Jessica, who texted asking about my mental state for the now-cancelled custody hearing.I couldn't explain it. I couldn't put into words what it felt like to finally get the apology I'd wanted for three years, only to reject it because it came from a man who didn't fully understand what he was apologising for.That night, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, one hand on my belly where Sofia had finally settled d
She was never his to own Beyond redemption
Reading your words and knowing they were true. Knowing that somewhere in my broken brain, I remember doing all those things and thinking I was justified. Thinking I was protecting you. Protecting us. Protecting our marriage."He stopped pacing, turning to face me directly."I tracked your phone. I monitored your emails. I made you quit your job. I isolated you from your friends and family. I interrogated you for hours because you smiled at someone or took five minutes too long at the grocery store. I made you afraid to exist in your own life."Each statement was a hammer blow. I'd lived through all of it, but hearing him say it out loud, hearing him acknowledge it without defensiveness or excuses, was somehow worse than when he'd been doing it."And then you got pregnant," he continued, his voice breaking. "You got pregnant, and you were so afraid of me that you hid it. You planned your escape in secret because you knew I'd never let you go. You waited until I was out of town to pack
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