BEFORE
Luc
The day I met Joseph, I immediately knew that we were soulmates. I felt it in my bones, I knew it in every cell of me. I had never felt the same way about another guy. My other romances were sporadic and brief. A few kisses here and there, meaningless text messages and unimpressive dates. Joseph was different, I just knew it.
When he bought me a silver ring with my name, Lucinda, etched inside the band for our one month anniversary, I promise him that I'd never take it off and I kept my promise.
Maybe it was his rare emerald eyes hooded by thick lashes or maybe it was the way his dimples sank when he smiled or laughed. Whatever it was, I was smitten from the moment I set my eyes on him and have been besotted ever since.
That day, Precious arrived my house with her bikini in her handbag, it was a Sunday and that meant we hang out at the swimming pool in any hotel we wish to until sunset.
I had already picked out my red bikini then Lily barged into my room. Precious glared at her, she was not really fond of my baby sister, she said Lily was too naive and her mouth curled into a snarl like being naive was a contagious disease.
"Puppet." I looked at Lily as she entered my room. Precious thinks it is a ridiculous nickname but I think she is just jealous because she has no siblings.
"Where are you going?" She looked at the bikini in my hand.
"We are going swimming," I said.
"I want to come!" She squealed with delight.
"The car is already filled up," Precious said. I knew her car was not, it's just the both of us.
"You can come along, you will have to squeeze though," I said ignoring Precious.
Lily grinned, Precious hissed. I pull out a nice black one piece and hand it to her. She hugged me and left.
"Why do you want her to come?" Precious rolled her eyes. "The girl na small pikin."
Because unlike you, she won't leave me and go flirting with everything that has a penis between it's legs!
But I did not say that. I ignored her.
I sat in the front of the shiny new salon car her sugar daddy bought for her. I loved the way the car smelt of new leather seats and lavender air freshener. Lily sat at the back clutching our bag and staring outside the window, lost in her own world. I wanted to follow her into her mind and escape Precious' yapping.
"We christened it." Precious tapped on the steering wheel to the beat of the afrobeat singer on the radio. The dark sunglasses she was wearing reflected the road and her glass acrylic nails glistened, I wondered how she was comfortable wearing nails so long that she could poke me three inches away.
"Christened?" I fluffed my curly hair in the side mirror, checking if it looked too flat or too dull. I shook my hair from side to side when I caught Precious looking, she always told me how she envied my waist length hair.
"The day Chief gave it to me, we been do am for back." She threw her head back and laughed. I laughed too whilst wondering what was so funny about having sex with a man old enough to be my grandfather in the backseat of the car he gifted her.
Sometimes I believed what my Mum said about Precious when I told her that Precious had a sugar daddy.
"At eighteen? That girl is possessed! I thought her father is a pastor? I don't blame her sha, it is the juju her father collected to start the church that is backfiring in that way."
She also told me not to associate with Precious again but if I don't who would take me out every Sunday to swim? Who would gift me crop tops and g-strings? Though Precious has tried to hook me up with some of her sugar daddy's friends, I keep declining, I can not be caught dead having sex for money.
Precious chose Transcorp hotel at Highway in Calabar. We sashayed into the changing rooms and emerged with our bikinis. Lily walked behind me, shuffling her feet and using our bag to cover her breasts.
I pulled the bag away from her and gave it to Precious but not before giving Lily a glare.
"Commot your hand from your chest, abeg. Why are you so shy?" Precious scolded Lily. "If I had full breasts and Mami wata ass like you and your sister I would be walking around Calabar naked."
This mades Lily laugh and Precious smiled at her which is a rare occurrence.
"You are beautiful, na." Lily adds the last word in an attempt to speak pidgin despite our Dad's warnings against speaking pidgin. Dad would get so angry even if Mum spoke it.
"I know but I don't have the body." Precious leaned in and touched Lily's hair which was styled in Fulani braids.
I swam a few laps in the pool in the shallow side, racing against Lily and laughing so water entered our mouths and came out from our noses. Precious sat perched at the edge of the pool with our bags, staring at men and holding gazes with a few. I shook my head in pity, she had so many problems and had the wrong solutions.
It took a few more minutes and Lily's whining for me to get tired of swimming. Lily and I swam to the edge of the pool and sat down beside Precious.
"All eyes were on you guys," she whispers even though every other person around the pool is at least a metre away from us.
"Who?" I asked. Scanning the pool, I see at least twelve people.
"All the guys," Precious replies, "especially the one at the corner wearing the pink shirt. But he is a smallie." Precious did not think any guy is attractive if he is below thirty, and the guy in the pink shirt was obviously about our age.
Lily looked at the corner, "there are two of them. Twins, I mean."
"Let's go say hello!" I jumped up, fumbled in my bag, found the towel I brought and used it to dry my body.
"Abeg go alone. I do not go to men, men come to men." Precious removes her sunglasses from her bag and wears them.
"Suit yourself," I laughed. "Puppet, come be your sister's wing woman."
Lily took the hand I held out to her and stood up. She let me dry her arms, thighs and face that had identical freckles as mine on her nose, cheeks and at the corner of her left eye.
The day I meet my soulmate was also the day we meet the twins for the first time.
The guy wearing a pink shirt had marvelous hair that was shaved at the sides but stood in a mighty curly-coily mop of hair in the middle of his head. When he grinned showing pristine white teeth, his hazel eyes smiled too.
"Hello. Noticed you staring," I said as I held myself to a seat opposite him and his brooding twin in a blue crew neck t-shirt.
"Damn! I wasn't discreet enough," he said in feigned shock. His twin chuckles.
I laughed. Lily tried to stifle her laugh but it bursted out, it was a loud belly laugh. The brooding twin stared at her through narrowed eyes with his think brows raised but Lily would be too modest to notice that.
"I'm Jacob, this is James," the twin in pink t-shirt introduced us. The first thing that came to mind was how beautiful he was.
"Nice names," I said trying to stare at him for too long.
"Better than Uche and Somto?" James asked with a tease.
"Nope," I shake my head, playing along.
"You want me to offer you a seat, pretty?" Jacob asked Lily with a sly grin on his pink lips.
Lily took a seat beside me and looked everywhere but at us. I wanted to put my arms around her and hug her. She was so shy around guys especially good-looking ones and good-looking guys always liked her.
"I'm Lucinda but call me Luc. This is Lily, she was supposed to be a boy so our parents decided Karl would be a good name then out she came and my Dad got creative and came up with Lily!"
Jacob laughed. The brooding twin—James— smiled and Lily blushed.
"Nice hair," she whispered beside me at one of the boys. I thought she was complimenting Jacob's hair but she was looking at James's shaggy hair that was long enough to braid. If our parents saw these boys, they would be so disappointed in us for talking to touts who grew their hair rather than cut it low like a typical responsible Nigerian boy.
"Thanks, you too," James whispered in reply. Their attraction was so thick and tangible I could feel it.
Jacob asked if my hair was real, I nodded. He asked if I could sell it for him, I laughed in reply and told him that I would if only Lily would too because her hair was as long as mine but hidden in the Fulani braids so people thought she added attachments.
"Are you guys twins too?" Jacob asked looking from Lily to me.
"No." Lily, James and I chorused. I thought how cool it would be if we were twins and date these beautiful boys.
"You guys have the same everything," Jacob said.
"Not the gap tooth." I grinned so he could see the gap in between my front teeth. I knew he could also see my buckteeth below but I did not mind at all. I was confident like that.
I waved Precious over and the twins bought us bottles of vodka which we mixed with soda. Precious drinks hers without any soda. We talked about everything and nothing. Precious, Jacob and I did most of the talking. James and Lily listened, laughed and stole shy glances at themselves.
James held up a professional looking camera and looked pointedly at Lily. "Will you mind being my muse?"
Lily took a hurried sip of her vodka and soda mix and placed the frosted glass back on the table. "Muse?"
Precious chuckled and touched my feet with hers under the table and mouths, lover boy.
"He wants to take a pic of you, like an impromptu photoshoot," Jacob explains.
Lily visibly gulped, I could see her playing with her fingers under the table. If I were her, I would agree.
"James only takes pictures of us and our Mum, you should be honoured," Jacob laughed and nudged James in the ribs with his elbow.
James did not laugh, smile or gave any hint that he heard his twin. His eyes remained on Lily's face, not blinking.
"Do you mind if I help her out?" I reached over and touched James's arm.
James blinked, turned to look at me and shook his head imperceptibly.
He takes me dozens of photos at the edge of the pool, in the pool swimming, splashing water, lounged on the chairs and wearing Precious' sunglasses. I left Lily watching me, wishing she was in my place.
A family approached the pool; a petite woman in her forties wearing a swimsuit, her chubby look-alike daughter in a matching yellow swimsuit and a lanky son following them behind in a yellow swimming trunk.
At that moment when the son raised his eyes and meet mine, my stomach did a summersault.
Jacob finished off his vodka and soda and asked who would like to swim. Everyone said they wanted to.
In the pool, I could not take my eyes off the boy with the emerald eyes and flashing dimples everytime he laughed at what his mother and sister said.
Lily slowly loosened up and began to talk to the twins, Jacob carried her on his back and gave her a ride in the pool and Precious talked too loudly and laughed touching James's toned arms probably asking him to give her a photoshoot too.
I kept looking at him, and did not try to hide the fact that I was. He caught me on so many occasions when he was trying to catch the beach ball his sister threw or throw it at his Mum. Then when his Mum goes out of the pool and stands backing us, talking into her cellphone, he threw the beach ball over his sister's head right at me. I caught it, he grinned and swam over.
My heart thumped painfully in my chest and I caught myself watching his Mum, hoping she would not turn around.
He said his name was Joseph, he was from Uyo and I mentally winced because my parents warned me against people from Uyo, my parents could be unnecessarily tribalistic.
I told him my name and pointed at my sister.
He told me that he loved my hair. Could I cut some for his mother? He made me say my phone number over and over so he could memorise it.
His Mum returned to the pool with her brows furrowed, he left me without saying goodbye. And his family left the pool.
"You too like smallies." Precious said when I told her what happened.
"Leave me jor," I said happy that my Dad was not around to hear me.
When we were leaving, I gave James my phone number so he could send me the photos and I sent him Lily's phone number even though he did not ask for it.
AFTERLilyTap-tap-tap.I wake up to tapping sounds at the glass window facing the empty backyard of Dad's rented bungalow, I could hear the loud tapping in my sleep.Bleary eyed and with a curse at my lips, I pull the silk sandy beige curtains away and I see the form of tiny cute birds pecking at the glass window with their small black beaks.My irritation fades away and I can't help admiring their gorgeous cloth of feathers. The poor fools probably think their reflection is another bird. A pair of white birds with bright green and white feathers and a lone black and white bird with whiskers are next to it.They remind of when Luc was Lucie and we used to bury birds that died by flying head on into our window.I wake Krystal up, hug him good morning and whisper that little birds came to greet him. He presses his palms to the glass and
AFTERLilyMy mother's sister—Aunt Alami travelled from Jos in Plateau State to grieve with us. She called Mum and announced over the phone that she has arrived Calabar.Mum asked Dad to drive her to the bus station to pick Aunt Alami because she has not been behind the wheel in a week, everytime she tries to drive her hands would tremble. She won't be able to move the car out of the driveway.I dashed into the back seat of Dad's car with Krystal in my arms before Dad could start the engine because I wanted to be as far away from our grieving relatives— who had came to stay—as possible. Surprisingly, my parents did not object me going with them.It has been seven days since Luc died by drowning in the Atlantic ocean and three days after we buried her. My parents decided to bury her as quickly as they could because they did not want to have a formal burial for her. It would be too p
BEFORELucMum's yelling bounced off the walls and travelled down the corridor into the kitchen. Dad's voice was low and soothing, it reminded me of times when he would try to get Krystal to stop crying.I imagined Mum in the distinct blouse and wrapper she wore every third Sunday of the month. It was the only time she would wear a heavy mask of makeup and flaunt her lastest handbag. She enjoyed showing off at the meetings she attended.Personally, I found the meetings boring and pointless. Why gather every month to gist and eat? When Mum it was Mum's turn to host the meeting, Lily and I would be servers and cleaners, cleaning up after middle aged women. Mum's defense of their meetings is a speech narrating how the association feeds orphans. I argued that you could feed orphans without the fancy attire and monthly gathering.My eyelids felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. I wa
BEFORELucAs I applied rogue blush to the peaks of Lily's cheeks, I realised that I was jealous of my baby sister. Maybe it was the way her hair was pulled up in a messy bun so soft tendrils of ringlets touch her cheeks and stick to her lipgloss or the way her doe eyes were heavily lined (she copies my style at every chance she gets). Maybe it was because Joseph commented on how beautiful and delicate she was on our first date while we were waiting for our moin-moin."Why do you call her puppet?" He asked, poking the moist food with his fork. I watched the stainless steel prongs sink into the moin-moin. He took me to a trendy restaurant at Highway, the place was lit by chandeliers and the tables were set with embroidered napkins and various sizes of cutlery."It's just a pet name," I told him with a smirk. I imagined that Joseph would date my sister behind my back. Would Lily do that to me? The th
BEFORELilyJacob called me at 6.00am. I wasn't fully awake, floating between consciousness and unconsciousness. He sounded warm on the phone, like we had known each other for ages rather than met about two months ago. I knew I sounded groggy, if he noticed, he didn't say a word. "I want to see you today." The words drifted into my ear through the speakers of my phone. I had to consider each word and ascribe meaning to them. He didn't say good morning like normal people did first thing in the morning. It unsettled me. "Huh?" My breath made me wrinkle my nose. I was glad he couldn't smell it. "It's been two weeks," he said with somber laced in his words like it was two decades. "Will you have time today?" "My parents are home today. They don't let me go out," I
AFTERLilyLuc throws her head backand the amber liquid flowsdown her throat butthe glass bottleis still full."Drink!"she holds out the bottle to me.I shake my head while lookinginto her blackbottomlesseyes.She forces my mouth openwith her long, sharp talons.Her talons are ripping mymouth open.I feel no pain.Red drips from the mouthto my white dress.She pours the liquid down my throat.It burns down my throat,through my stomach.When I wake up, my tanktop is damp with sweat. My heart is beating so loud, it echoes into my ears. I stagger to the window and open it, the pale moonlight baths my room. Leaning by the window, I take in the mysterious night sounds and an image of Luc flashes behind my eyes.
BEFORELilyIt was surreal seeing her lying on the floor. Unmoving. I wanted to think she was just drunk and passed out but I knew that wasn't the case.I knew it from the way her body was sprawled. She was too still, her neck was at an awkward angle, a medicine bottle laid inches away from her outstretched hand.The words died in my throat. Luc? Luc? It's time for breakfast.Taking steps to her took forever. Partly because I was in shock, my legs couldn't move, I was shivering and shaking all over. My heart was beating frantically. My brain processed the image of her still body and the dark bottle.Then I screamed.Someone barreled through the hallway, their feet slapping against the floor. I held my tummy, trying to suppress the raise of acid creeping up my throat.Dad dashed in, almost running through me like I was a ghost.
BEFORE.LucMy gut clenched. One, two, three, four, five . . . And unclenched.I waited for it to clench again, watching it in the mirror. It mocked me and stayed still.Ever since I got discharged from the hospital, I have been having sharp pains in different parts of my body. Yesterday, I could hardly move without my kneecaps shrieking in agony. Today it's my gut. Tomorrow it would be my head and then my eyes after that. Sometimes, I would wake up dizzy and disoriented, seeing flashing lights and hearing screams. The screams were mine. I was dying in my dreams.It was my body, taking revenge on me. I was being punished for trying to kill it, for betraying it.Food didn't stay in my stomach and urine won't stay for a second longer. The white capsules I'm forced to take after meals stay in my throat and no amount of water I drink can flush it down. My ha