Nothing 09

197x

FOUR YEARS, IT had been four years since Valentina last saw Johnny. He said he will be coming back when school was over, but four school years had passed yet no Johnny came back. In the second year, Valen stopped writing and sending him letters. She just lost her hope in him and in his palabra de honor.

She wanted to blame him and be mad at him but she could not because she also questioned who she was in his life and how much she meant to him for him to meet his promise and come back. He was not obliged to do anything with her in the first place. He was an intelligent city boy while she was just a simple girl from the province. They lived very different lives, and they were like worlds apart. She could not blame him if she was that easy to forget. She was just hurt, but she had to keep it to herself and just keep going.

After their farm works and before the day ended, she decided to go visit the gazebo. She used to come there every day after her long tiring day at the farm. She did not know exactly why but her feet kept taking her there. She was not anymore hopeful of his comeback, but she just wanted to revisit the simple memories they shared together. Every time she looked at the gazebo, she can see an image of the two of them there, sitting while teaching and learning from each other with bright smiles painted in their faces. She could not deny that her time with him made her really happy.

Her lips parted and her steps halted, making her stand in an efficient state of shock when she saw the figure of a familiar man standing there. His back was facing her as he looked busy scanning his gaze around the gazebo. The way his dress shirt was neatly tucked in his belted trousers and those oxford shoes, they were all familiar to her. The only difference now was that his body got matured as he now became taller and possessed a much leaner muscular physique. Her heart suddenly raced as if some horses galloped violently inside her chest.

“What was he doing here?” she asked under her breath.

She quickly sat down to hide when he was about to turn around to face her direction. She held her chest as her breathing became uneven. She could not deny that she missed him, but she also wanted to do nothing with him now. The connection they once shared will not work out for a long time. That was what she had proven in the past four years while waiting for him to return. If ever that they reconcile, she could not afford to spend another four years being put on hold and just waiting for something or… nothing at all.

She breathed silently as she readied herself to carefully exit the scene and never ever see him again. She moved to start crawling until she can get away from there and from him unnoticed.

“Valen…”

She stopped and closed her eyes for a minute. She just got caught. Johnny was able to catch her in the act of escaping. Valen opened her eyes then stood up, but she did not look at him. It was only her back that was facing him. She could not and did not want to face him.

“How are you?” he asked softly, sounding as if he greatly missed someone. “It’s been a long time since you last sent me your letters.”

Valen balled her fists at the mention of letters. She wanted so bad to shout at him for making her feel hopeful one minute then leave her hanging all of a sudden. It was him who did not write her back for years! She kept waiting and waiting until she gave up all the remaining hopes she had for his return. It was him who left her first!

“Is that how you, city boys, do it?” she asked, sounding mad and mocking.

“Do what?” he asked back, confused.

She spun around to face him. “Give promises and then break them.”

Johnny’s lips parted in surprise, but then he quickly pursed them and looked at her sadly. It took him a while to answer a sincere, “I am sorry.”

She smiled at him painfully.

“You don’t have to apologize. I understand everything even before we agreed of doing it. You are my teacher from the city while I am just your student from the province. I know and understand where I should stand. I have accepted all of those differences, don’t worry.”

“It took so long for me to return but… but I still came back for you.”

“Oh, please! Stop it!” she angrily replied as her eyes started to become misty. “Doesn’t mean that I am just from the province and just this small with little knowledge about everything, you have all the right to fool me with your promises as you keep me waiting, hoping, and hurting!”

Johnny watched her with forlorn and guilty eyes. She wiped her crying face with both of her hands, and when she recovered, Johnny was about to step forward but she immediately stopped him.

“P-Please… let’s just… not see each other again. I don’t really want to see you again. Just return to your place in the city and never ever come back here,” she told him.

She quickly pursed her lips tightly even before her sob would come out. She nodded her head at him dismissively before she turned her back on him and began walking away while crying silently.

“My father died in a car crash while my mother suffered cancer.” His voice croaked as he choked on his tears. “T-They both left me within those four years.”

Shocked, Valentina stopped dead in her tracks and listened more.

“I was alone during my graduation. I was hoping that… that I can receive a letter from you, congratulating me for still being brave and standing there on stage.”

She did not really expect that one. It never occurred to her that he, too, might be fighting some secret battles he never wanted to share himself. She slowly looked back at him and found his eyes brimming with tears and her lips smiling sadly and painfully.

“Your letters kept me smiling and pushed me through everything. I was surprised but didn’t force you to give me more when my grandmother told me that you refused to accept my letters.”

“I-I’m sorry… I… I didn’t know. I’m really, really sorry.” Valen apologized sincerely while shaking her head.

“It’s alright. I understand. I didn’t expect as well that me not being honest with you about my situation will make you think that I have abandoned you already. I am so sorry, Val. Please forgive me for not telling you the truth.”

Valentina could not believe everything, especially him apologizing for the misfortunes he had no control over. She felt equally guilty as well because it did not occur to her that he might be having a hard time, too. To think that he was not in any way obligated to her and yet he was here standing and apologizing with all of his heart for the time they lost meant how much important she was to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” she said as she immediately closed the distance between them and hugged him tight.

“Can I… cry on your shoulder? I just… I just want to let it all out,” he asked as he hugged her back.

He felt her nodding her head so he took that as a cue to release all of his emotions into tears and sobs while still holding her in his arms.

“I’m sorry for everything, Val. I’m so sorry and thank you for giving me strength all those times.”

“You always have me, Johnny. I will always be here for you, I promise. You can count on me as well just like how I leaned on you when I needed help.”

In the end, Johnny did not really forget about Valentina and his palabra de honor even after four years of their lost communication. The connection he shared with her remained in his heart all this time. It took him long to return to her, but he was finally home.

|• Illinoisdewriter •|•