Sunlight on Thawed Ground

My mother constantly berated me for being lazy and fragile, claiming I couldn't handle a single shred of hardship. Her resentment stemmed from a terrifying symptom I couldn't control. Without warning, my body would begin to convulse, and my mind would go entirely blank. I would collapse into pitch darkness. Yet, every time she took me to the hospital, the medical tests came back frustratingly normal. My teachers eventually noticed my frequent episodes of zoning out and fainting, and they desperately urged my mother to take me for a more thorough evaluation. But my mother, a respected doctor herself, brushed their concerns aside. To her, it was an open-and-shut case: I was a lazy child faking an illness to skip class. From then on, she strictly rationed my diet. Whenever I felt dizzy, grew drowsy, or began to convulse, her response was swift and cruel. I was subjected to sharp slaps across the face and hours of forced standing, while she towered over me, screaming that I was a disappointment who was intentionally trying to ruin her life. Everything came to a dead end on the day of our school-wide physical exams. My mother happened to be the doctor manning the blood-drawing station. When my turn arrived and I sat across from her, that familiar, agonizing tremor seized my limbs. The entire room began to spin, and my torso pitched forward, nearly crashing onto the examination table. Instead of checking my pulse, my mother violently yanked me upward by the arm and shoved me away. "Stop acting!" she hissed, her voice dripping with disgust. "Faking a faint over a routine blood draw? Can you be any more pathetic? Get out into the hallway and stand there. Stop humiliating me in front of my colleagues!" She shoved me out the door before turning back to her work. The moment my back hit the cold hallway wall, an icy chill enveloped my body. My consciousness began to splinter. For the first time in my life, I couldn't fight the weight. Half out of it, I thought to myself that this was good. If I passed out completely this time, she would finally believe that I wasn't lying.