Chapter one: Shattered in an Instant

"Wake up, Mother!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. My voice cracked as I held the cold hands of my mother and shook her softly. "I'm here! I've brought the money with me! Mother, wake up!"

There was silence in the room.

The beeping machines had stopped. The doctors and nurses stood stock still, their faces filled with pity. No one moved, no one sprang forward to help.

I clutched the lapel of the doctor's apron frantically. "What do you just stand there for? I have the money now—look! Here's the $10,000 you insisted upon to save my mother's life! Do something!"

His face was unreadable. His eyes flashed with something I did not want to see—the end.

"Miss Carter…" his voice was gentle, but I didn't want gentleness. All I ever desired was my mother.

"No!" I shook my head frantically, clinging to my mother's hand as if my own could compel her back. "Doctor, do something! See—she's speaking to me! She's breathing, she's clinging! You must try—"

"Sorry," he said to me, and those two words sliced through me like a blade. "She's gone."

Gone?

No-no-no. That wasn't possible. I was only a few minutes late. I rushed. I begged. I did everything I could.

"No! She's not gone! You can't do that! Do your job and get her back!"

Nobody moved.

The ground tipped away from me. All the things I had—all the things I coveted—every battle, every reason I'd ever had to survive—slipped through my fingers in the split second.

A harsh, ugly sob tore out of my throat as I clasped my dead mother's body against mine. She'd been my diamond, my only ray of light in this hard and oppressive world—and she was dead.

Tears blurred my vision as I buried my forehead against hers, my body convulsing with shuddering spasms. "Mother, please… don't leave me. I need you. I have no idea how to do this without you."

Before I was even able to still reel in my sorrow, a hand brushed across my shoulder. I startled.

"Miss Carter, we need—"

"Don't touch me!" I yelled, my words echoing off the cold hospital room. My chest labored hard, the weight of my sorrow crashing down on me like an iron cage.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't think.

I couldn't exist in a world that she was not in.

When I didn't think that it could possibly hurt anymore, there was yet another tragedy.

The weight of yet another shattering reality slammed me like a hurricane.

I was pregnant.

Pregnant by a man whose name I did not even know, a man who vanished without anyone knowing.

A sob erupted from me as I doubled over, holding my stomach as if I could shield the life inside me from the viciousness of it all. How was I going to get through this? How was I going to bear a child in a world that had just stripped the only one who ever loved me unconditionally of nothing but love?

I can't do this," I whispered aloud to myself, my hands pressed against my face. No—I couldn't do it alone. But I was alone. Gutted. Betrayed.

The weight of considering what I needed to do crushed me. It pressed upon me under the crushing load. And then I had her hand in mine. Even though I knew it was all just a memory, I could sense her strength, her heat, her total belief in me for one final time. And I said to myself, Sophie, you are braver than you think. Get a grip. You may be in shreds, you may be lost, but you are still here, and that is all that matters.

For my mum's sake, for the baby's sake growing inside me, I had to be brave. I had to keep going, although I did not know what to do.

I left my mother on the floor, dead, and went back to our apartment, each step a perpetual hell. The streets around me began to blur. The horns and voices faded into a distant murmur. The brown envelope clutched in my hand felt as if it weighed too much to carry.

"Of what use is this money now?" I muttered. "I struggled for this money. I prostituted myself for it. And now it's all useless."

I could not stand the emptiness in my home. My body became mechanical. I opened the door, and it was all as we had left it—the old couch, the kitchen cabinet, and the photo of my mother on the wall.

I had returned home with my mother, but now I returned alone.

She was actually gone.

Every memory of hers felt new—too new. The walls were closing in. Her laughter, her scent, her presence—all disappeared too soon. I slapped my hand across my stomach. My heart was pounding, and another fact struck me—my child.

A child I hadn't anticipated. A child I wasn't ready for. A child who would grow up without a grandmother… and a father I barely knew.

Tears flowed down my face as I spoke, "I don't know how to do this."

Lost in thought, there was a sudden loud knock on the door. I did not move. Who could it be? The knock was once more repeated, but this time with more force.

I quickly dried my tears and attempted to get up. My legs were shaking as I walked towards the door.

It was Kattie—my best friend.

The instant she looked at me, her face fell. "Oh my God…," she cried, embracing me with her arms before I had a chance to speak.

I totally broke down at that moment. I cried over her shoulder, shaking from head to toe. "Kattie, I was too late with the money. She's dead. My mother is dead—the only one I had in this world is dead. My life is shattered."

She hugged me close. "I'm so sorry, Sophia. Please… don't cry." But she couldn't help crying, either.

We stood there, both of us crying. Her arms were the only ones that kept me from completely falling apart.

Finally, she stepped back and gently brushed my tears away. "You're not alone in this. You have me. Whatever is going to happen, I'll be here for you."

I nodded weakly. But deep inside myself, the fear of surviving this alone still lingered. Yes, I had Kattie—but the road ahead was daunting.

Still, I knew I had to be strong. I had to survive. I had to fight.

If not for anything else, then for my child's sake.