TOUCH ME AGAIN

When we got home my feet were aching from the heels. Taking them off was such a relief. I hadn’t to but the pain won. He looked at me and smiled slightly as we head upstairs. But because I was tipsy, I didn’t manage very well. My heels dangled from my fingers and in a blink of an eye, he lifted me like I weighed nothing. I tried to resist but he was so strong and I was weak and light.

As we climbed the stairs, we exchanged a glance. I wasn’t afraid to look him in the eyes. For some reason, I felt comfortable and safe.

He took me to my room and gently placed me on the bed when he turned to leave I reached out and grabbed his hand.

“Don’t leave me. I’m afraid of the dark.”

“I’ll turn the lights on.” He said softly.

“Why don’t you sit here for a while?”

“It’s midnight.”

“Then stay with me, I miss having  company in my room.”

“Chloe, you’ll be okay, thank you for tonight.”

“Please don’t leave me.” I whispered my voice cracking.

He paused. “What has gotten into you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You look…. troubled.”

“This is who I am.” I said tears welling in my eyes.”,I am not strong, sometimes I just need someone. Why did you give me this contract?”

“Because I chose you.”

“But why me? You’re better than this, any woman would kill to hold your hand, you are not some random man. You can have a real fiancée in one night.”

“I think you are tipsy, you need to rest.”

“Please don’t leave me here Jake.”

“There’s nothing here, you’re safe.”

I clung to him. He was warm, and though I couldn’t see him clearly in the dark, the lights from outside filtered through the window. I breathed him in, his scent, his presence. His hair felt soft against my cheek. He didn’t move. His hands reached my back hesitating. Trying to pull me away. But then he looked at me. I felt his breath, warm, alive, close.

“I can’t do this Chloe. Pull yourself together.”

“Can you stay with me for a while?”I asked again, my voice snail.

“For God’s sake why do you want me to stay? We had a deal Chloe , nothing more. You read the rules you memorized them. What changed?”

“What does this even mean? Money has turned everyone into something else. They think they can buy a cat, a dog…even a human.”

“I didn’t buy you, we had an agreement.”

“At which cost? Not being allowed to talk to you unless we are out? Not being myself? Not speaking to my family?”

“This is not a prison, you can get out whenever you want.” He snapped.

The silence swallowed the room. The haze of alcohol in me lifted just enough for me to feel the shame burn. But sadness rushed in to replace it and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I need the money.” I sobbed.” I would do anything to get her out of the hospital.”

I wiped my eyes.” I lost my father. And I wish it had been just death that took him, but it wasn’t. He was murdered by powerful people. He worked for them his whole life, always missing birthdays, graduations …everything. He said he was doing it for us. So we could live well. And now he’s gone. We have neither him, nor the life he built for us.”

I paused to catch my breath.” My whole world flipped upside down. And now it’s on me to take care of my mom and sister. I try to be strong, but I’m not. Becoming someone l’m not to survive… it scares me. It reminds me of him.”

He sighed and opened his arms slightly.“ come here.”

I hesitated then fell into him, crying quietly as he patted my back.

“Why?” I asked between shaky breaths.

“Because maybe Universe saw that you really needed someone tonight.”

“Im sorry for the drama.”

“ it’s alright Chloe, now try to get some rest.”

 

He let go of my hands. And walked towards the door.

“ can I turn on the lights?” He asked gently.

“No, I’m good now,” I said, embarrassed.

“Good night.”

“Night.”

 

He left the room. Embarrassment burned through me. I wanted to disappear in the mattress. I’d expose the softest part of myself, something no one is supposed to see. Not him.

Why did I let myself become so vulnerable around Jake? He probably thinks l’m already falling for him. That I’m just another woman throwing herself at him.

God, Chloe. What the hell is wrong with you? How are you going to wake up tomorrow and face him in the same house? You practically begged him to stay in your room. He will be watching you now, thinking you want something from him. And maybe he’s tired of women chasing him. You just became one more name on the list. So embarrassing.

Maybe I should pack and leave in the morning. But no I need the money. I am here for a reason. Don’t forget the suffering, Chloe. Nothing was ever personal. You were just tipsy.

I pulled the blanket over myself, but i couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned, but my thoughts wouldn’t stop racing. Shit, I was still in my dress. I got up, took it off, and cleaned my tear streaked face. Then, I crawled back to bed and sank in the ocean of humiliation I’d created.