After scrubbing the kitchen to work out the breakdown of this morning, I grabbed my coffee mug in both hands and sunk into one of the kitchen chairs. It was not quite Starbucks, but for the first time in a year, I didn't have the energy to make the run two blocks across to the nearest coffee shop.The floorboards creaked from upstairs, and a few seconds later Dad shuffled into the kitchen. He was already dressed – I guess I blocked everything out when I was cleaning.“Morning, Sandra.” He kissed the top of my head and stopped, looking around. “Kitchen looks clean.”I shrugged a shoulder. “I needed something to do.”He glanced at me as he poured a coffee. He took four tablets from the bottles lined behind the kettle and threw them back, washing them down with the coffee. Dad made his way to the table and sat opposite me, his gray-blue eyes studying me.“So,” I said to break the silence. “Do you usually sleep this late?”He grunted. “Like I said, damn tablets give me insomnia. So lately
It was Thursday night, and some prick – I didn't know who – had decided to have a party at the frat house. I'd put my money on Austin. He had been trying to get me out of my 'fuckin' ridiculous mood' since Sandra left.But it didn't work like that.She had been in Brooklyn for five days now. Every day she was there, shewas not here. I knew, Captain Fucking Obvious with that statement, but I wanted her here.I wanted her here in front of me so I could cup her cheeks and wipe away the tears. I wanted to hold her and promise her the world, apologize for everything. I wanted to know she felt the same. I wanted to know it wasn't just a game for her, either.The worst part was I'd play it all over again if it meant another few weeks where we were happy.“Look, I'm not interested.” I gently pushed yet another girl away from me. She pouted and sticked her chest out, batting her eyelashes. I sighed and shook my head, turning my attention to where Maggie was throwing back shots with Kayle. The
Pushing my thoughts of Jack to the back of my mind, I pulled my suitcase down the stairs. It had been a strange few days at home, rife with emotion and thinking. And the worst was yet to come, because I still hadn't admitted to Dad why I came home so quickly. I knew he was about to find out.“Well, you have a safe trip back home, Sandra,” Dad said and hugged me tightly.“I'm home right now, Dad. I'm just going back to school,” I replied and extricated myself from his arms.“Oh, no, honey. Wherever your heart is, that's where your home is. I think you left your heart in California. University of California, Berkeley, to be exact.”I narrowed my eyes and looked at him. “What?”“It doesn't take a genius to work out you fell in love and ran, Sandra. Your Mom did the same thing when we were younger. But you know what, Sandra? You have to fight for love, because it doesn't come easily, not the real thing, anyway. I don't know who this guy is, or what's happened, but running won't make it be
My eyes traveled around the frat house a million times on Saturday night, yet I didn't see her at all. She was there, but she wasn't there. But she was here – in California.My Sandra was back in California.And it was taking every ounce of self-restraint I had not to run over to her dorm block like my ass was on fuckin' fire. Because, like Maggie said, I'd probably end up pinning her to a wall – and that was never good.My leg shook as I sat in English class, and my eyes were traveling the room again. I couldn't help it. She didn't show before she left. I wanted her to now. I needed to see her.The door opened, and Austin walked through. He crossed the room and sat next to me. “She's coming.”I nodded once and fixed my eyes on the door. If she was coming, then she'll be here-Now.She was here. Maggie's arm was linked through hers, but Sandra was smiling. It was a weak smile, and I hated myself for that. My hands tightened their grip on the edge of the desk, and I clenched my teeth t
Two days after speaking to Jack after English, and I still hadn't recovered. Where the crap has my 'bounce-back' mechanism gone? The freakin' springs were probably broken, actually. It had been used so many times, it was probably fed up of bouncing my ass when I fall on it.This time it was on me. This time, it was on me to pull myself together and get up from the low I seemed to have sunk to emotionally.I also needed to magically grow a pair of balls and actually go to the frat house for the books I left there because staring at it sadly from my bedroom window wasn't bringing them to me. Seeing Jack – in a classroom I can deal with, but in the frat house? His house? His room?Could I ever deal with that?If I went, would I come back even more broken than I am now?No, no, I'm not broken. I'm strong, just like he said. And I can go over there. I can do it.I slipped my pumps onto my feet and ran my fingers through my hair anxiously, shutting the door behind me. My feet seemed to echo
I grabbed a beer from the cooler in the kitchen and headed into the front room, taking a seat in the corner with Austin and Josh. Neither said anything. What can they say? We were all expecting Sandra to turn up tonight with the girls. Maggie and Leila will drag her along because Leila's fed up with the – and I quote – 'goddamn miserable look on her face all the damn time.'I guess we were both gonna be forced here tonight because I'd rather be anywhere but here.I took a mouthful of beer and swallowed it heavily, just waiting. I didn't know what I was waiting for.Maybe I was waiting for her pretty green eyes to meet mine. Maybe I was waiting to hear her laugh and see her smile again. Maybe I was waiting for a moment I can approach her – in a totally non-caveman way – and just.... See her. Without the shouting about how shit my life is without her. I can do without that, and she probably can too.The house filled up as the guys and I sat in silence. I didn't touch the beer again. I h
Inside, my body was in overdrive. My heart was pounding, my blood was rushing through my body, and adrenaline was filling every spot possible. I was so angry – yet I was so broken and I wanted him.Outside, I was frozen to the spot.“No,” I said, looking away from him.“Yes.” His voice was begging me to believe him, to believe he still wants me.That he loves me.“We both played the game,” he said softly. “Both of us, Sandra. We both had the same goal, and we both achieved it. Don't you get it yet? I fell in love with you, Angel. I'm still in fucking love with you. What did you think would happen? Did you think I'd just let you walk right on out of my life like you were nothing?”I nodded.“Shit, Sandra!” He let go of me and turned, rubbing his face. A tear dripped from my eye. “Did you really fucking think that? That I'd let you go from everything to nothing? 'Cause that's what you are. That's what you have been. Everything. You're fucking everything.”He stepped towards me and cuppe
In the two days since I dragged Sandra back to my room in a move that would put Fred Flintstone to shame, she had barely left my side. New York was too far – too fuckin’ far – and I’ll be damned if I was giving her the chance to escape again.Paranoid? Probably, but when you have it, you have it. And I had it.The door clicked open, and Sandra came flying in. She launched herself on the bed and sat in front of me, grinning at me like a madwoman. Her eyes were shining, her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was mussed. It made me think about us just having sex, and I grabbed her waist and lied back, settling her on top of me.“Guess what?” she said, excitement and happiness threaded in her tone.“What?”“I just spoke to Jane – oh, that’s Abby’s nurse – and she said that Abby asked to join in with a group activity yesterday!”I slid my arms around her waist, and she kissed me firmly.“That’s good, right?” I double checked. Hell, I had no idea.Sandra nodded, her hair bouncing with the mo