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Chapter Eighteen
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That Night Chapter Nineteen
The previous weekend was a shit show. He slept on the couch that night while I cried myself to sleep. All I wanted was him. All I needed was him. To be present, to be mentally with me, to support me, but he’d checked out. The once-doting boyfriend was gone and in his stead was the VP.In the morning he ordered breakfast and I was moved when he handed me a hot chocolate. It was a nice gesture, and I tried to find an even ground. Still, it was hard to let go of how emotional I’d become about it all.I made him turn his phone off, and for a few hours it was just the two of us again.However, as the days rolled on, that bitch had her claws in him again. He arrived the night before near ten, having not left until five local time. I wasn’t feeling well, so we opted for a stay-in day, and I curled up on the couch while we binged a show on Annex.I could accept the occasional bleed of work into our weekends, but the bleed was nearly all the damn time. Half of the time he was still
That Night Chapter Twenty
June 5thTwo weeks. That was how long it had been since I’d seen Richard. Two horribly long and gut-wrenching weeks.Two weeks of thinking about where I stood. I had my answer, but I didn’t want to admit it. We were in two different places, literally, and he was never going to let work go.I stared at the clock on the wall of the doctor’s office watching as the seconds ticked by. They turned into minutes, and still no Richard.He promised.He promised me that he would be here. This, of all appointments, this was the one for him to make an effort to attend, to show me that he was in this with me. With each second that ticked by, the more I realized that he wasn’t coming.I’d barely heard from him in days, and it had been two weeks since I’d seen him, as work had kept him busy the prior weekend.After a few minutes, my phone buzzed. My stomach sank, and I knew my fears were true without even looking. Tears filled my eyes, and I blinked them away just in time to hea
That Night Chapter Twenty-One
I took a deep breath. “Fuck, what a week.” Every day I’d been in endless meetings.Despite being the VP, I had been burning the midnight oil with Michael every night. It was easier to sleep on my couch than to go home. Thankfully I kept a change of clothes and a bag of toiletries in my office.The week had been hell, somehow worse than the prior fiscal year ends. I rubbed at my forehead as I finished up an email, my mind focused on the task.The phone rang four times, almost switching to voicemail when I got to it. Seeing Natasha’s name reminded me what day it was.Shit!I’d texted her nearly an hour ago and I still wasn’t out.“I’m on my way,” I said as I began logging off my computer.“Don’t bother.”I paused, trying to figure out if I’d heard her correctly. “What?”“Do you remember what today was?”“A doctor’s appointment. And I’m so sorry. I promise I won’t miss the next one,” I said, cursing myself out.“You promised you wouldn’t miss this one. This was the one
That Night Chapter Twenty-Two
It had been two days since I hung up on Richard, and I had yet to leave my bed. I was so upset I blocked his number. Dr. Danvers said to watch my stress, and it was stressing me out more. He was the father of my child, but I needed space.I regretted doing it almost immediately, but I needed to be strong. If he wanted to fix things, he would come to me.When I heard voices coming down the hall, I started, but relaxed back into my blanket fort when I recognized my mother.“You know,” I whined from under the covers. “I didn’t give you that key so you could just walk in whenever.”“All right, young lady, get up,” Mom said from the doorway to my bedroom.“No,” I whined from under the covers. I didn’t want to do anything but wallow in my misery…and pizza. And ice cream, pickles, fried rice, and bacon cheeseburgers.My stomach rumbled at all the food thoughts, the baby demanding everything.Just like when I was a teenager, my mom pulled the covers from me. I cracked an eye and
That Night Chapter Twenty-Three
Work kept me busy over the weekend and all of Monday, but even having all my focus on work could not stop the weight from settling on my chest or the pit that grew in my stomach every day. They weren’t feelings I was familiar with, but I knew they had to do with Natasha.Calling and texting had been futile exercises—she wasn’t answering.We were both angry, and the distance didn’t help.Though I wasn’t sure if it was her I was angry with. It was me. After she hung up on me, I realized why she was so upset. I’d missed a pivotal moment I could never get back in the life of my child. A moment when I should have been holding her hand and kissing her in excitement, and instead I was sitting at a conference table, firmly planting another wall between us.Why I kept doing it, I had no idea. My self-destructive moves were hurting more than just me. The walls were meant to protect me, but they were doing the opposite.I wanted to let her in. I wanted to drown in the feelings that w
That Night Chapter Twenty-Four
When I was released the next morning, it was Richard who was there to drive me home.I hated it. I hated the way it made my chest clench to see him there, so attentive to my needs. It was a side of him I’d seen glimpses of in the past, but it had been many weeks since this side of him had been allowed out.The buzzing of his phone in his pocket went unnoticed, and the ringing through the car’s speakers went unanswered.“You aren’t going to get that? It could be important.” The air continued to be filled with static, and it was suffocating.He reached across the center console and covered my hand with his, giving it a squeeze. “Not as important as you.”“Had some epiphany, huh?” I cringed against the light, my eyes overly sensitive thanks to the migraine slamming my head into a table had caused.“I want to talk about this.”“Why?” Give me a reason.“Because this isn’t over, despite what you seem to think. One fight does not end a relationship.”“It is over, and if you t
That Night Chapter Twenty-Five
I wasn’t entirely sure how I got home. The whole drive back to Chicago I felt numb. My brain didn’t get on board until the next day when I sat at my desk with my view of Lake Michigan. The sun streamed in, and the beach was studded with bodies enjoying the warm weather. They were seemingly carefree, having a day off with no worries.There was nothing but turmoil inside me.I’d lost her.Each minute away from Natasha burned in ways I’d never experienced before. Weighted down with responsibilities, I’d been choosing the wrong ones to focus on.It hadn’t been twenty-four hours since I left her, but I’d never had a black cloud of this magnitude take up residence in my chest. Not even after my divorce, after finding out Desiree had been cheating on me, did I feel the depth of despair that weighed me down now.I was determined to make good on my promise, but my normal problem-solving mind had left for vacation and was unavailable to help me figure out what to do.There was a kn
That Night Chapter Twenty-Six
After my fall and subsequent hospital stay, I was directed to take the rest of the week off. It was torture the first day after Richard left. There was nothing to do but wallow in my grief. No matter what declarations he made or the love I had for him, I had to let him go.That knowledge, that it was for the well-being of me and our baby, didn’t make it any easier. The acknowledgment that he was the biggest stressor in my life and that stress was causing physical problems with my pregnancy was the hardest truth I’d ever had to face.What ifs floated through my mind. Would his avoidance have been the same if I’d lived in Chicago? Would he have gone to appointments, or would work have sucked him in all the same?Jenna came over that night and held me as I sobbed. Just her being there meant the world to me.She also unblocked his number from my phone.On Wednesday I felt steady enough to get up, to get my mind something to think about other than Richard. I continued on with t
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