Chapter 2

I sat on the floor for a long time.

When the dull pain in my stomach finally eased a little, I held on to the sofa, got up, and went back to packing away the baby's things.

The little white onesie was one Alessandro had picked out himself.

He'd said white worked for a boy or a girl. It would be perfect once the baby came.

Next to it was a pair of tiny socks with stars on them. My mother had them sent from Italy.

She had chosen the softest cashmere on purpose, afraid regular fabric might scratch the baby's delicate skin.

In the nursery, the wooden crib was already put together. A little moon-shaped night-light sat by the head of it.

The cabinet was full of toys.

I put them into a cardboard box, one at a time.

With every piece, it felt like a small part of me was being dug out.

Finally, I took out the keepsake envelope the hospital had given me from the nightstand drawer.

Inside was the very first ultrasound photo, and the report that recorded our baby's last heartbeat.

The tiny shape in the photo was so blurry you could barely make it out. But I had looked at it so many times.

I pressed it against my palm and couldn't make myself put it down.

It was the only picture I would ever have of my baby.

The next morning, I opened my phone and saw Serena's latest post.

In the photo, Alessandro was lying on his side on the living room sofa at the Vittore estate.

The top two buttons of his shirt were undone. He had clearly fallen asleep from exhaustion.

The caption was just one line.

[With you here, even a blackout doesn't feel so scary.]

I tapped like without thinking.

Less than half a minute later, Serena called.

She was already crying when she spoke.

"Please don't get the wrong idea. Alessandro and I, it's really not what you think."

She sounded like she wanted to keep explaining.

But I calmly finished it for her.

"He was your father's student. He's always seen you as a little sister who needs looking after."

"Nothing's going on between you two. I know."

Alessandro had said those exact words to me more times than I could count.

Every time something bothered me, he would blame me for doubting him.

And he wasn't wrong.

Serena was twenty-five. She had her own job and could take care of herself. But she still put every feeling she had on him.

And Alessandro kept leaving his wife and his unborn child behind for her, again and again.

As long as they never crossed that line between a man and a woman, in his eyes, it didn't count as betrayal.

But when I finally said it the way he wanted, word for word,

I heard a muffled scoff on the other end of the line.

It was Alessandro.

Serena didn't seem to notice. She asked carefully:

"So if you don't mind... could I ask Alessandro to come with me again today?"

"I have a follow-up at St. Mary's. The doctor wants to adjust my meds. I really don't want to go alone."

I gripped the phone. A bitter taste rose in my throat.

At St. Mary's, the psychiatry department and the OB-GYN department were in the same medical building.

From her therapist's office to the floor where I had my prenatal checkups was less than a three-minute walk.

But in all the times Alessandro took her to her appointments, he never once stopped by to see me.

I booked my appointments alone. I waited in line for blood work alone. I sat alone while the doctor walked me through the risks.

Every time I had to sign a medical form, the line for a support person stayed blank.

Every time I faced all of it on my own, I felt a sadness I couldn't put into words.

Maybe my baby felt that sadness too.

Maybe I made my baby think this family wasn't a happy place to come into. Maybe that was why my baby chose to leave me.

"Of course."

I heard myself answer in an almost flat voice.

"Keep him as long as you like. He and I already signed the divorce papers anyway."

A few seconds passed. Serena's breathing got noticeably faster.

"Is it... because of me?"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"I keep causing problems for you guys, don't I? I shouldn't keep asking Alessandro for help. It's all my fault..."

There was a clatter on the other end.

The next second, someone seemed to take the phone.

Alessandro's voice came on, noticeably colder.

"You know how unstable she is. Why would you say something like that to set her off?"

"You're the one who asked for a divorce. Don't put that on her. If you've got a problem, take it up with me."

I tightened my grip on the phone and answered quietly. "I'm not leaving because of her."

He paused.

"Then what do you want?"

"Is this because I haven't spent enough time with you? I already told you. Once Serena's settled, I'll come home and be with you."

I opened my mouth.

"Our baby is already..."

"Alessandro, am I a horrible person?"

Serena suddenly started crying, panic in every word.

"If I weren't sick, you wouldn't have to work so hard. Maybe I shouldn't even be alive."

Alessandro cut her off at once, his voice going soft.

"Hey. Don't say that. It's not your fault."

He coaxed her patiently. "She's just been under a lot of pressure lately. Don't take it to heart."

"Calm down for me. Okay?"

Then he sighed into the phone at me.

"We've got plenty of time. Once she's stable, I'll come home and make it up to you."

"Just stop getting upset about this stuff."

The call ended soon after.

I opened the airline's website and booked a one-way ticket to Malta for next week.

Alessandro always thought we had so much time ahead of us.

He was arrogant enough to believe that no matter when he finally turned around, I would still be standing in the same spot, like I had for the last seven years.

But what he didn't know was that the day I needed him most was already gone. Forever.

And this time, I really wasn't going to wait.