Chapter 45: Sutton

 

It had been a strange day.  I had thrown myself into my work in the garden. I admit that I was hoping for a distraction after my failed attempt to leave, but it ended up giving me time to think. My mind kept going back to Lucas’ comment about my life — about the life I deserved. I couldn’t remember a time I considered what I deserved from life. Two weeks ago, I didn’t even know what I wanted, let alone what I deserved.

I started to analyze my behavior. First, from the night before, then over the past few weeks, then over the time with Mason until it escalated to my entire life. I found myself in tears a few times. I thought about my mother and the memories of her I still had. While I had been questioning so much of my life, including that part of it, I was reminded of one thing that I was always certain of. My mother loved me. For whatever reason she hid our past from me, she believed she had good reason and that it was what was best for me at the time.

But that didn’t mean it was right for me now. Lucas was right about me needing answers. Denying that was me putting my head in the sand. I was stronger than that. Lucas had shown me that over the past few weeks together. I liked how he saw me. And I was running out of ways to talk myself out of the obvious — Lucas cared about me.

And I cared about him. I wanted what he was offering. I wanted it with him. He had been taking over my thoughts all day. By mid-day, I was actually able to admit to myself that I was missing him. He hadn’t been around much today. So, when he was suddenly there… with his arms around me… his scent taking over… I wasn’t going to fight the reaction he inspired in me anymore.

It was a shame we were interrupted.

The experience was… well, mortifying, to say the least. But it hadn’t dampened my interest in exploring what was between us. I’d been keeping him at arm’s length since we met. Yes, we’d been getting closer by default. But I wanted him to be a part of whatever was coming next for me.

I felt the urge to look nice for dinner. I took my time getting cleaned up, opting to do my hair and even some makeup. I picked out a cute but comfortable and casual dress. Not wanting to be too obvious that I was trying to impress him.

I heard the doorbell ring as I finished up. I figured it was our dinner so I headed downstairs. Lucas was at the door saying goodbye to Ambassador Soloman. I thought about waiting for him to go, still feeling a bit awkward around him. But he caught sight of me before I could retreat. His face seemed to light up.

“Ms. Sutton, I’m glad I was able to say goodbye,” he said, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. “It truly is an honor to meet you. I look forward to seeing you again.”

“It was a pleasure making your acquaintance, Ambassador,” I replied.

He gave Lucas one last look, communicating something between the two of them before stepping out. I was watching him leave through the window when Lucas tugged at my waist. My surprised yelp was stifled by his lips taking mine. I giggled as my hands slid over his shoulders. He grunted his satisfaction as his fingers laced into my hair. The fluttering in my stomach told me we were headed in the direction we had been in the yard but we were interrupted yet again.

Lucas sighed heavily and I chuckled as my stomach growled loudly.

“We should talk anyway,” he said. “Come on.”

Keeping hold of my hand, he grabbed a bag of take-out from the credenza and led me out to the sunroom. The weather had warmed up quite a bit and spring was starting to take hold. So, it was a nice time to be out here. We sat down on the sofa and Lucas started to get the food out.

Lucas made small talk throughout the meal. It was comfortable but I still got the sense he was distracted by something. I immediately pushed back the doubts and worries that I had done something wrong. I was trying not to make any more assumptions about his feelings. Instead, I did what I should have been doing from the start.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked as he set his plate down once he was finished. “You seem a little preoccupied. Is there something I should worry about?”

He sighed heavily. Taking my empty plate from me, he set it on the coffee table before draping an arm over my shoulders. Pulling me against his side, he kissed the top of my head as he began to stroke my hair.

“I have to return to the packhouse soon,” he said. “Within the next few days.”

“Oh,” I replied.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. We had kind of been in our own world here. It was easy to forget he was the pack Alpha. He had responsibilities. I knew it was important for pack members to see their Alpha regularly. And I had been monopolizing a lot of his time. So he should go home. That was his actual home after all. He’d said before that he didn’t spend a lot of time here. He belonged at the packhouse.

“I won’t leave you here alone, Sutton,” he said. “I want you to come with me. But if it’s too soon, I will be back every evening. It’s not that far of a drive…”

“Okay,” I stated evenly.

Lucas froze. “Okay what?”

It took me a second to realize my answer wasn’t clear. I didn’t know where the sudden bravado was coming from, but I felt an energy coursing through my veins. Somehow, I knew I was about to cross over into a completely new life. But if I ignored that negative voice in the back of my mind… If I ignored the ridiculous questions that tried to bubble up… I also knew that I wanted to take that step.

I wanted Lucas to know that.

I sat up so I could look him in the eye.

“I’ll go with you.”