Chapter 23. I Don’t Know What I’m Supposed To Do Next

Bliss

Sometimes silence is the loudest sound in the world.

That thought echoed in my mind as I slipped through the Kareem pack house, my footsteps soft against the polished marble floor.

It was nearly midnight, and the modern mansion, with its glass walls and motion-activated light, had fallen quiet.

Too quiet. I needed out. Out of the stares. Out of the question. Out of the training, the eyes on me, the confusion in Kharo’s eyes every time we met in the hall.

I needed a place to scream.

I tugged the oversized hoodie tighter around my frame and padded barefoot through the hallway.

The faint glow from the moon guided me as I slipped out a side door and into the night. The air was cooler than I expected, crisp and sharp, like it knew I needed to breathe something clean.

The Kareem estate stretched endlessly behind me — sleek, rich, too perfect.

But just beyond the back garden, past the glass fencing and immaculate landscaping, was a grove. Not a forest, exactly. Just a cluster of tall trees someone must have forgotten to cut down when the mansion was built. I headed there.

As soon as my feet hit the soil, I started to breathe easier. The earth smelt of moss and fallen leaves, a reminder that not everything here was made of metal and marble. I picked a path between two oaks until I found a clearing, overgrown with grass, damp from the earlier drizzle.

It wasn’t big. But it was hidden.

Safe.

I dropped on my knees, hands gripping the dirt as if grounding myself would keep the memories at bay; it didn’t.

Liam’s face flashed behind my eyelids. His smile when he lied was his grip on my wrist. The eyes in his voice the moment he betrayed me.

And lame. Her eyes, her fake sweetness. 

My chest clenched, the pressure building in my ribs like a dam about to shatter. I couldn’t hold it anymore.

So I screamed.

It tore out of me raw, loud and agonising—a sound I didn’t even recognise as mine. It felt like a ripping, a purging of all the fear, all the confusion, and all the betrayal.

The scream echoed through the trees, swallowed up by the night.

Then came another. 

And another.

Until my voice broke and I collapsed forward into the grass, my hands shaking.

“I should have stayed dead,” I whispered.

But I hadn’t, somehow, imposingly; I was here. Alive. Breathing. And yet everything inside me still felt broken.

Like I was walking through life in someone else’s skin.

They had buried me. I remembered the water, the numbness, and the darkness.

And I remembered the light — the blinding warmth that had pulled me back, like a string snapping tight between dimensions.

I didn’t understand it. I didn’t want to understand it. Because if I did, I’d have to face what I was.

A freak. A myth. A girl who couldn’t die.

“You’re not human,” I said to myself.

But then again, none of them were either.

Werewolves. Alpha politics. Mate bonds. I was knee-deep in a world I didn’t ask to be part of.

I sat back on my knees, wiping my face with the back of my sleeve; my hands were shaking, and there was dirt under my fingernails. But I didn’t care.

“I hate you,” I whispered towards the sky, not even sure who I was talking to. The moon goddess? fate? 

All of them.

I hate the 'I survived'. I hate that I’m still tethered to him.

I hate that I don’t know who I am anymore.

Footsteps behind me snapped my head around, and I tensed, heart thudding. But it wasn’t Liam; it was Kharo.

Of course. 

He stood at the edge of the clearing, his silhouette outlined by the moonlight, hands in his jacket pocket, silent.

“How long have you been there?” I rasped. 

“Long enough,” he said quietly, stepping forward.

I turned away, embarrassed by my tear-streaked face and trembling shoulders. “You didn’t have to follow me. “Ohh, I totally forgot I’m being watched.”

“I didn’t; I was looking for air, too,” he replied, “but you were louder.”

I almost laughed. “Guess I ruined your peaceful night walk.”

“Maybe I needed it ruined.”

I felt him settle beside me but didn’t touch me. Just sat there, close enough to feel his presence but not close enough to push. That meant more than I expected.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.

“No.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

There was a pause.

Then he said, “Liam’s back.”

“I know.”

“And he brought her.”

“I know that too.”

“Do you know about Laim?” He asked.

“I heard of him when Eren updated you about Liam being on the move.”

Kharo exhaled. “I don’t trust him; that lady is in danger.”

“You shouldn’t.” I said.

Silence again. But it wasn’t uncomfortable this time. Just shared.

“Liam is my brother; I know him. Maybe he found out about your powers.” He said. “He wouldn’t think twice before he kills anyone.” His voice was low. “Just as someone threw you into the river without mercy, same thing with Liam. And I’m trying to protect that.”

“I didn't die.”

“No you didn’t”

“I came back, but now I don’t know why or how or what that makes me.”

“You’re strong.” He said.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know, but it’s still true. 

I looked down at my hands still trembling. “I screamed. Just now. And I let it out; it still hurts.”

“It’s supposed to hurt,” he said gently. “You were murdered.”

The word hit like a knife. Murdered.

Yeah, that’s what it was.

“I’m not like them, men,” I whispered. “I’m not like you.”

He looked at me then, with those sharp eyes. “You think we’re all the same?”

“You belong here,” I said. “You belong in this world; I’m still figuring out how to not fall apart in it.”

“You’re doing better than you think.”

I scoffed. “Yeah. Great. Screaming in the woods at midnight is a totally healthy behaviour.”

“It is,” he said with a small smile. “For someone who’s been through what you’ve been through, it’s the sanest thing I’ve seen all day.”

I turned to him surprised. “You’re not judging me?”

“No.” He tilted his head. “You think I haven’t screamed in this grove before?”

I blinked. “You?”

“After my father died. After I had to take over. After I failed a few times. After I found out my only brother was a threat too many. Yeah. I screamed.”

For some reason that admission made my heart ache. Maybe we weren’t so different after all.

I looked up at the sky, the stars blurting with tears. I looked at him. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.”