The Price of Saving Him

Elaris let herself slide into a chair across Doctor Harwin's desk, folding her hands in her lap. "What is it? Is there something wrong with Caedmon?"

"Yes." Harwin slowly lowered himself onto his chair, weighing every single word he had to say. "There has been a development in his condition that requires attention. In the last hour, his wolf essence levels have dropped below those considered normal."

"Dropped?" Elaris shook her head. "But the donations have worked, haven't they? You told me last month that his condition is stable."

"It was stable," Harwin said. "For Caedmon's condition, stability is always temporary. His body cannot produce wolf essence by itself, which means that any donation just gives him more time. Today, it's run out sooner than we've expected."

"Soon?"

Harwin looked into her eyes. "If we don't get him a large amount of wolf essence right away, his body will fail entirely. It may happen even today."

Elaris gasped for air. "To die? You're saying he could die?"

"I'm telling you that is a very likely outcome if we don't move fast."

Elaris put her hand to her chest, trying to calm down her heartbeat. "So, then do it. Just do whatever you need to do. Take whatever wolf essence you need from me."

"Elaris—"

"You know I have done that before. I know the price of it. Just tell me how much you need."

"This time it is not that simple," Harwin's voice was soft yet firm. "Given the current state of his health, he needs a donation significantly larger than any other you have given to him before. It is one large transfer rather than several small ones like before."

"Then give it to him."

"But there is more." Harwin placed his palms on the desk. "You are pregnant, Elaris."

"I know I'm pregnant," she nearly laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. "I have discovered it an hour ago."

"Then you see why it is such a problem." He locked eyes with her. "A donation that Caedmon's body needs would put too much pressure on yours. Your body is exhausted due to many years of donations and, now, is exhausted even more because of your pregnancy. Such donation can seriously harm the baby."

The silence filled the room.

"What are you saying?" Her voice was small.

"I am saying that it is quite possible that such donation will make you lose the pregnancy."

For some time Elaris sat motionless, letting the words sink in. "There has to be another way. Another donor. Someone from the pack—"

"We've considered that option," Harwin said. "It is quite rare for someone to have Caedmon's conditions and to react so unpredictably to the wolf essence donation from anyone whose bond is not as compatible as a mate's. You are the best choice we have. But it is possible that it won't work, and we would waste the only time we have left."

"How long would it take to test another donor?"

Elaris's hands started to shake in her lap. "Well, then either me, or nothing."

"It's not going to be an easy decision, I can tell you that much," Harwin told her softly. "I wish I could give you better news, especially today of all days."

"Isn't there some other form of treatment, some potion, or ritual, or something that will stabilize him without—"

"If there was, I would be preparing it now." Harwin shook his head gently. "I'm sorry, Elaris. Time is our enemy here, and every moment you waste making your decision is another moment that he continues to fade away."

Elaris rose to her feet so abruptly that the chair scraped against the floor. "I need to see him."

"Elaris—"

"I need to see him before I make my decision."

Harwin didn't attempt to dissuade her.

---

The ward looked very different from the way it had appeared only an hour earlier. Instead of monitoring Caedmon quietly and watching him breathe steadily, there were now three healers gathered around his bed, their voices urgent and low as they tried to do something to save him.

"What's going on?" Elaris asked, shoving one of the healers out of the way to get to Caedmon's side.

"He's breathing shallowly," the healer replied without looking at her. "We're trying our best to keep him stable, but—"

"But what?"

"But it isn't enough," he hesitated. "Not without the donation."

Elaris gazed down at Caedmon. His face, already pallid during the last months, was turning a strange, unnatural gray color that she'd never seen before. His lips were looking colorless. His breathing was so faint that she had to focus really hard to detect it.

As she reached out to take his hand the same way as she had done not even an hour ago when she was telling her happy news to his deaf ears. This time his hand was even colder.

"Caedmon," she whispered softly. "Caedmon, can you hear me?"

He did not answer. He could not.

For some reason, memories of every donation she'd ever made to him came rushing back to her—countless times that she had been sitting on that chair while healers were taking the blood and essence from her, the dizziness that she experienced for days afterwards, but which she never showed to anyone because she did not want them to worry about her while he was there in bed.

Each time she had repeated to herself that his life was much more important than hers and that she could give away everything in order to save him. She had never regretted any of that.

But she had never been able to lose anything like this before.

She placed her other hand over her stomach—she was still too early pregnant for the baby to be felt but she believed them and knew that there was something living inside her body right now. Her baby. And Caedmon's baby. It was the thing they both had desired for so long.

*He would be so happy*, she thought. *He would be crying if he wakes up now and hears about it. It is the thing he wanted the most.*

"Elaris," one of the healers touched her shoulder. "His vitals are dropping again."

Elaris sat up straight, eyes wide. "How much time does he have?"

"Doctor Harwin should explain the specifics of the situation, but—" The healer gave Elaris a concerned look as she glanced down at the screen by Caedmon's bed. "He doesn't have much. An hour, maybe. Less."

Elaris' gaze fell to the pale face of her husband lying on the bed. She thought about all those years she had watched him suffer because of this illness, about the promise she had made to herself that she would do anything to keep him alive.

She thought about the tiny life growing inside her, which could give her no voice in this decision.

She thought about waking up each morning to find the bed beside her empty, if she allowed him to die. She thought about an empty nursery if she decided to save the pregnancy.

There was nothing that came without a price.

"Elaris," the healer's voice cut through her thoughts. "We need to know your choice soon."

Elaris kissed Caedmon's cold hand one final time and pressed another kiss to his knuckles.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, barely audible.

She straightened and wiped the tears from her face before turning toward the healer. "Call the doctor for me," she ordered. "I have made my decision."

---

Doctor Harwin arrived almost instantly, the folder of papers already in hand as though he had known from the moment Elaris called him what decision she would make.

"Elaris," Doctor Harwin spoke cautiously. "Are you sure of this?"

"No," she admitted truthfully. "But he will die if I don't do this. And I won't allow it. Not when I have the means to save him."

Doctor Harwin studied Elaris intently for a moment, then nodded and placed the folder on the table by Caedmon's bed. He opened the folder, revealing many pages of formal paperwork, then offered her a pen.

"That's what this is going to authorize," he said. "This will also be acknowledging the risks associated with this procedure that I have discussed with you. I just need to make sure that you completely understand what you are signing up for."

"I understand," she said. Elaris took the pen from his hand. The quiver in her hands was so bad that she needed to use her whole palm on the surface of the table. "I know exactly what I'm signing up for."

"Elaris—"

"Please," she said through cracked voice. "Don't make me say it out loud again. Just let me sign it."

Harwin said nothing else and just kept the document steady while Elaris put a signature at the bottom of the page.

Her hand was shaking all the time she signed her name.