The Sacrifice

Two healers helped Elaris to get on the extraction table where her body was trembling under the light medical gown. A third healer came closer with a tray full of medical tools on his face there was the look of concern.

"Lady Elaris," said the healer. "I need to tell you that last time before the procedure starts. Caedmon requires much more essence compared to previous donations you did. You are at a very high risk of losing this baby. It can also leave you extremely weak for weeks or even longer."

"I know," Elaris said.

"You could change your mind. There is no way anyone could blame you for making other decision—"

"I am not changing my mind." There was the shake in her voice, but there was no hesitation in it. "Caedmon must live. Please, start the procedure."

The healer looked at her for a moment more and nodded at her and other healers. "Prepare the line."

Elaris shut her eyes as one of the healers took her arm and secured her in the position. Another healer made sure that the connection is established leading to Caedmon's ward where he was lying in the adjoining room.

"This is going to hurt more than previous donations you made," the healer said. "Please, try to keep still."

"I will try."

The needle pierced her flesh; larger than the needles she was used to. There was a brief silence. Then, the pulling started—a deep and powerful pull that came straight from her chest and extended outward as if something was being unwound from inside her.

Elaris took a sharp breath and clutched the sides of the table.

"Breathe, Lady Elaris," the healer advised. "Breathe slowly."

"I—it is worse than before," Elaris managed to utter between gasps.

"Your body is weakened. You have less to offer, so your body tries harder to protect you." The healer applied a wet cloth to Elaris's brow. "You're doing well. Hold on."

The pain increased sharply. Elaris raised herself off the table and bit her lips hard not to cry out loud. There was movement coming from behind the wall dividing both rooms; voices that sounded like those of healers operating on Caedmon.

"How is Caedmon?" Elaris forced herself to ask between clenched teeth. "Is it helping him?"

One of the healers near the door poked his head through to check on their patient and returned after a while with a relieved expression. "His heartbeat is strengthening. His levels of the essence are rising."

"Thank Goddess," Elaris muttered, but the pain hit her once again, rendering her breathless.

"Hold on,," the healer next to Elaris said, squeezing her hands. "A bit longer."

Minutes seemed to last forever. Elaris felt herself becoming even colder and weaker. The sounds of voices in the adjacent room became more intense, almost triumphant.

"Caedom is stable! The essence is taking effect!"

Elaris released a ragged breath in relief, hot tears flowing down her temples into her hair.

But then, the healer observing her vital signs went completely still.

"What is it?" Elaris croaked, though somehow she knew it.

Her face was completely white. She shared a look with the other healers and then turned to face Elaris, her face unreadable.

" Elaris," she spoke softly, "I am very sorry. There is no longer any pregnancy. The stress was too high."

Elaris closed her eyes. A noise came out of her throat, tiny and strangled, but she bit her tongue to suppress whatever sob she could feel rising up.

"Will he be okay?" she managed to force out, instead. "Caedmon. Is he going to make it?"

"Yes," the healer whispered. "We've saved him."

Elaris nodded. "Then it wasn't all for nothing."

---

Soon enough, she was transferred to a recovery room. Her body was simply too fragile for any further physical activity; it could only lie still underneath thick blankets. All over her body, she felt like she was hurting in ways that she hadn't before from any previous donation, a numbing pain that seemed to go bone-deep.

But the real pain was inside of her.

She placed a hand over her abdomen, flat and unremarkable, save for the changes happening inside of her. She allowed herself a few quiet sobs in the privacy of her own room for the baby she had lost before she forced herself to move past the loss.

*He's alive,* she reminded herself. *That's what's important. He's alive, and we can try again. We can have another baby once he's healed. This isn't the end of everything. This is just... a terrible price.*

She waited through the next hours, sleeping intermittently from sheer exhaustion, until the healers came to inform her that Caedmon had awoken.

Elaris was insistent upon being allowed to see him right away, even though the healers told her she needed to rest longer. She couldn't wait; she needed to know that he was awake and breathing.

A healer wheeled her into a chair and took her down the hall towards his ward. Her heart was pounding the whole way there.

They arrived at his bedside to find Caedmon lying back against his pillows, still pale but definitely awake and his eyes following her as she walked through the door.

"Caedmon," Elaris's voice was thick with emotion. "You're awake."

"Elaris," he followed her with his gaze, then moved down to her trembling hands, the wheelchair she rolled in, the exhaustion that marked her features. "What happened to you? Why do you look like that?"

"I'm alright," she reassured him, although her voice was a bit shaky as well. "I'm just tired. What's important is that you're alive."

"Elaris," Caedmon's voice was harder now. "What happened?"

She took a deep breath to calm herself before speaking. "Can you remember anything after your condition became critical?"

"Only that the healers said that my state was getting worse," Caedmon answered. "Not much else."

"Your level dropped too fast," she told him. "We needed to give you a large donation, one that I never gave before. There wasn't any time to search for another donor. Caedmon, there's something I wanted to tell you on that morning, before you started getting even worse."

"Tell me what?"

Tears appeared in her eyes once again, but this time because of something entirely different. "I was pregnant," she told him. "After all those years, we finally succeeded. I was pregnant."

Caedmon's expression changed, some sort of mixture of shock and happiness starting to appear. "Elaris—"

"But you were dying," she rushed to add. "The only essence powerful enough to help you and strong enough to get into your body in a limited time was mine. And to be able to give you everything you needed…" Her voice caught in her throat. "It meant losing the child, Caedmon. I'm so sorry. But you're alive. You're here, and you're healthy, and the moon goddess will bless us again. We'll have another child. We know now that we're capable of conceiving—"

"You lost the baby?"

Caedmon's voice became quiet and even.

"Caedmon, I didn't have any other choice. If I hadn't—

"You didn't have a choice?" His tone got higher now, warmth entirely leaving his voice. "You made a choice, Elaris. Without me, on your own. You killed our child."

"I saved your life." Elaris felt tears gathering in her eyes, as well as in her voice. "You were dying. It was impossible to wait for you to wake up and discuss it with you. If I'd have been able to wait one more hour—"

"We tried to have that child for years!" Caedmon tightened his fists in the sheets on the bed. "For years, Elaris. Do you understand what you took from me? What you took from us?"

"I saved your life!" Her voice broke into sobs. "Caedmon, please, you have to understand—that child wasn't my choice. I loved that child as much as you. But I couldn't keep both. I had to choose, and I chose you because I love you, because I couldn't live without you—"

"That doesn't change anything." Caedmon's voice sounded cold now, colder than it had ever been before. "You had no right to take that decision on yourself. The child was mine as well."

"There wasn't any time to talk to you!" She sobbed now, helplessly. "You were unconscious! You were dying before my eyes and I had just minutes to decide—"

"I don't care." He turned his head away from her, refusing to see her. "I don't care about the reason. All I understand is that we were dreaming about that child for years, and now he's gone because of your decision."

"Caedmon, please—" she reached to touch his hand, but he immediately moved it away from her reach.

"I can't forgive you for this, Elaris." Caedmon's voice was low and quiet now. "You've saved my life, and I'm obliged to thank you for it. But each time I see you, all I will see is a child we lost because of your decision."

"What are you trying to say?" Elaris asked quietly, though somehow she understood what was coming.

"I'm saying that this is over, Elaris." Caedmon finally looked at her straight in the eyes, his expression absolutely void of everything she knew about him. "Us. Everything. I want you out of my house tomorrow."