Chapter 6 - Be still, My Heart

꧁ Marisella ꧂

The front door closes as quietly as I can manage behind me, my shoulders weighed down and weary.

When I turn into the living room, Nurse Elise raises her head, shifting her thick chart to the sofa.

“Good evening, Mari.” Her tone is unusually curt, and I understand why.

“I’m sorry for the delay, thank you for staying with her,” I whisper back.

Her face softens slightly. “How did the interview go?”

I’d told her I had an interview right after my waitressing shift at 8 p.m. She’d agreed to stay with my mom until 10 p.m.—I’d returned minutes shy of 12am.

I plaster on a smile. “Went great. Got the job, and even a deposit.”

“Wow! I told you you’d ace it. Congratulations.”

And ace it I did, until the client had seen my face. The deposit was appreciated though; I now have a three‑month window of Mom’s medical bills settled.

“Thank you,” I tell Nurse Elise.

“I just did a final visual examination. Pay attention, and call me if anything feels off, okay?” She fixes her bag strap over her shoulder.

“Sure thing.”

She glances back at me. “Don’t worry, she’s responding beautifully. I’ll see you next week.”

“Alright. Thanks again.”

My palms and forehead press against the door after she leaves. The low rumble of her car fades as she peels out of the driveway.

Taking deep breaths, I try to calm my racing heart, but my eyes stubbornly water once more.

He hadn’t even stopped to see her. Am I attaching too much importance to the time he’d spent with us?

For a year, I grew up with a mysterious and wildly handsome stepbrother who I never once saw as a brother.

From day one, I’d known I wanted him. But he’d communicated his feelings clearly. Uninterested. Chilly. Regarded me like an inconvenience even though he’d been the biggest one.

I sniffle silently. Don’t want to wake up Mom.

She’d transformed my darkroom, where I develop my photographs, into his room. I’d been livid, but had enjoyed pestering him to access the tiny enclave that stores my equipment.

Now he’s back, richer and even more heartstopping. But he still doesn’t want us. Doesn’t want me.

“Marisella?”

I jerk.

Mom.

Wiping my tears, I head to her room.

The space I loved to hound and spend time with her has transformed within the months she’d been diagnosed.

Sterile white drawers stand sentry beside her mahogany vanity, the air tinged with that sterile hospital smell.

I skirt the recliner before her bed to stand by her side.

“Hi Mom, how’re you feeling?” My hand brushes an auburn curl off her forehead. “You should be asleep.”

She chuckles, and it sounds like it takes effort. Her formerly chubby face looks sunken in the dim shadows from the nightlight.

“I used to brush your hair back and tell you that phrase. How the tables have turned.”

“They sure have.”

The words nearly drop from my tongue, but did I really want to tell her about seeing Alexei tonight when I’m not even sure he’ll ever come back?

He’ll probably increase our monthly allowance to twenty thousand and never show face again.

“What’s on your mind?” she rasps.

“Nothing, Mom. You should go to sleep. You know how cranky you get when you don’t get your beauty sleep.”

“It’s the bills, isn’t it?” Her voice comes out gravely. “I hate seeing you work so much for me. I wish…”

“No. Don’t do that. You know I’d do anything for you, as I should.” I summon a bright smile for her. “Besides, I got a huge deposit for a new gig just tonight. We’ll be fine.”

Her brows furrow, eyes glassy. “I’m so proud of you.”

“No, no, don’t cry.”

My own eyes sting. But I’ll be strong for both of us.

I can’t imagine losing my only pillar. After Alexei left, I saw what losing two men she’d loved did to her.

“You should sleep too. Get some rest,” she whispers.

She kisses my forehead, my cheeks, my eyes. I return the sentiments.

Then I head into my room.

During my quick shower, I mentally go over my schedule for the next 24 hours.

I’ll drop by Luminé, the bar, at 10 a.m. to plead a shift off, then head to the small wedding gig the bar cleaner had recommended me for.

I sigh.

The pay is a hundred and fifty dollars. Next to the fifty thousand I got tonight and the ten or more to be expected in the coming months, it’s… paltry.

But I’ve learned never to turn down a dollar, and I could never disappoint the ruddy‑cheeked bride.

In bed, I toss and turn.

My chest burns anew.

How dare he judge me before even making an effort to know why I’d made that decision?

Fuck him, and I hope he never shows his face again. It’s obvious he wants nothing to do with us.

Mother and I hadn’t held resentment toward him for Bogdan’s actions, but apparently Alexei had.

I hope he’ll never show his face again, because he’s given me a taste of something I’ll never forget.

I gasp at the feel of the damp heat between my thighs. When had my fingers strayed there?

My back arches to the memory of his shaft deep inside me. My teeth clamp around my wrist, and I cry my bliss to his name.

I turn on my side, body trembling with delicious aftershocks and… guilt.

The curtains billow at my window, sending cool air across my heated skin. I trace the constellations of the night sky, mapping his face among the stars like an obsessed astronomer.

My heaving chest slowly settles.

Eyes growing heavy, I drift to the feeling of being watched.