Chapter 6

The day was tough for me. I have gone through another battle again, and not so thankfully, I survived. But as I recall my encounter with my parents while looking at the high and mighty building of the Cruz Empire, the guilt is beginning to drown me once again.

The movement of my hand never stopped ever since I settled on the pavement near the drainage a few meters away from the building. The pain that was caused by the stunt I pulled earlier was making me sleepy and dizzy.

But the pain doesn't even match what my heart is feeling right now. The regret, pain, guilt, and grief all came in together submerging me into a deep ocean of darkness.

“For real?! We are going to have a baby?! I'm going to be a Daddy?!”

Another ruthless smash on my heart hit me when his excited voice filled my head. I could also feel my excitement during those times. But unlike him, mine was mixed with worry.

Because I've always considered that everything could end like this. At first, I was still speculating it was impossible and unlikely to happen. But now that what I feared happened, I feel so much remorse in my heart that I have done nothing to create an opposite result to what we are now.

My heartbeat quickened as I saw Harris exit the building next to the man familiar to me. The two exchanged conversations until Harris left first.

Unlike the other times that I've forced myself on him, this day was different. The memory of our lost child is stopping me from approaching him. I just went here to have a reminder of the scars that I've inflicted on him. I need to be here and punish myself for all the wrongdoings that I have made creating a disastrous life for both of us.

Tears welled up in my eyes as my heart ached once again. I never tried to wipe it because I was sure that with each attempt, another one would fall.

My shoulders dropped as I looked down at my wrist which was now covered in a red and viscous liquid. The pain I must have felt because of the small cuts I made there with the blade I always carry didn’t fully register in my brain. I just stared at it mindlessly while my hand continued what it was doing, repeatedly cutting the thin skin on my wrist.

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

My eyes went wild with the voice that resonated in the whole place. It was the man I had seen with Harris earlier. But I couldn't find the right words to say to him, I just kept looking at him.

"Are you crazy? Huh?!” he shouted angrily.

Without hesitation, he took off the coat he was wearing and immediately wrapped it around my wrist to stop the bleeding. Even though the wound I made was small, each cut was deep because of the blade I used.

"I'll bring you to the hospital," said the strange man I have only seen for the second time. His voice was now calm unlike how furious it was earlier.

Not having any strength to refuse his aid, I allowed myself to be assisted by him. He helped me to my feet but my knees immediately gave up from the exhaustion caused by what happened to me today.

He was quick to catch me before I could even kiss the ground. When he was finally able to hold me steady in his arms, he carefully walked quickly towards the car.

My eyelids started to get heavier but I still gained the courage to ask questions. If the question was for him I do not know anymore. My consciousness was drifting away. And my capability to think straight was no longer there.

"If I die, would that be enough of a payment for all of my sins?"