Chapter Four

Trevor's subtle grin was one she had never seen before. It was sickening, dangerous, cruel, but unintentional, spreading across his face.

As his lips curved into a previously unseen smile, Emma couldn't help but feel a twinge of confusion. For years, she had never seen him display such a callous yet unintended expression, not until this very moment in their shared bedroom. "I've tried, Emma," he stated solemnly, locking his gaze with hers. "You have no idea how long I've been forcing myself to speak those words to you every day, just to keep you happy."

"What?..." Emma's stomach dropped as a sudden shock coursed through her body. She could feel a sudden pang of pain as though a sharp knife melted in fire was pierced through her heart, it makes her eyes water, her throat suddenly run dry.

For twenty-five years of her life, Emma had never been hit in the stomach before. And yet, in this moment, she felt like she had been dealt a brutal blow.

She took a step back from him, fearing that their bodies would ignite like fire and gasoline if they were to make contact, and it sure would burn them both. Trevor, especially, to the deepest part of hell.

"So, you're admitting that you've been lying about loving me? About telling me that you loved me?" Emma demanded, her voice growing more frantic with each word, wanting to be clear of what Trevor was saying to her, to unintentionally give him a chance to correct what he had just said, to tell her it was a lie, he was teasing her, but the look on Trevor's face told her it was not a lie, her fear was happening right in her eyes, the devil was no longer in hell, he is here on earth, in her bedroom, looking at her.

"Emma, I've thought long and hard about my life and how others have shaped my perception of it," Trevor responded, his tone weary and resigned. "Even your criticisms during our arguments have contributed to my realization that I want to live a fulfilling life, free from any complications. Whether that makes me a terrible boyfriend or a decent human being, I don't know. But what I do know is that you're right." He paused, meeting her eyes with a pained expression. "And I'll do whatever it takes to make that a reality. I'll go above and beyond for anyone, except for you. I just can't."

The full weight of what was happening began to dawn on Emma, her panic rising like a tidal wave. It clawed its way up to her throat, digging its nails into her soft flesh and leaving behind a trail of agony. "So what do I need to do to make things right?" she pleaded, her breaths coming in short, uneven gasps. "Just tell me, and I'll fix it. I can't start over again. I can't face the thought of dating someone new. It makes me sick to my stomach, and all I want to do right now is cling to you."

"I don't want you to do anything, Emma," Trevor replied, dragging out her name like it was a stain on his tongue. "We want different things in life. We always have. And while you may be content with me settling for a simple, uneventful life, I can't. It's just not in me."

"Settling?" Emma repeated, her voice laced with disbelief. She could not believe what this man, who was the love of her life for five years, was saying. "You really think being with me is settling?"

"No! I..." Trevor abruptly halted, clasping his fingers together as if they held his entire frustration, his gaze locking onto Emma's eyes, now there was a hint of anger in it, like a tiny light, burning slowly. "...Don't distort my words like that."

"No, I'm not trying to, my goodness!" Emma's greatest fear was provoking his anger at this delicate moment, this wasn't the right time for counter-argument, or debating on who is right or wrong, this was a delicate moment to prove who is level-headed and who I capable of plastering the cracks on the wall, and looking at the way Trevor reacted to her question of clarification, it seemed she was already close to adding fuel to the fire. "I apologize, trevor. I didn't intend to twist your words. I'm just trying to understand what I can do."

He fell silent, and Emma sought comfort in the respite from his words. His silence indicated that he was contemplating... considering. And that was all she needed – a mere consideration of what the past five years of their lives together meant to him.

"Damn it!" Trevor exploded, slamming the suitcase onto the floor with a loud bang, Emma's heart leapt in alarm, and she let out a gasp as he turned away from her, his back rising and falling with each ragged breath.

"Emma, I'm attempting to handle this as tactfully as I can, but you're not making it easier." Trevor turned to face her again, and she couldn't help but tremble under his dark, emotionless stare. His lips thinned, and Emma's heart filled with sudden fear.

Trevor pressed his lip tightly together, the muscles in his jaw flexing as he spoke through clenched teeth, mercilessly begin to cut her heart in tiny shreds with his words, "Being with you is like a difficult chore Emma. Every morning, I can't wait to leave the house in a hurry as though my body's on fire. To stay for away from you as possible, not to have you in my sight even for a moment, , I do everything in my power to stay out late at night, not to have you sleep in my arms which throws me off the edge..."

Panic constricted Emma's throat, and tears that she had been holding back began to flow down her face. Trevor saw the tears, but he didn't stop speaking. He didn't stop stomping on her already shattered heart, ruthlessly breaking it into tiny million pieces.