5

JEROME POV

How could this tomato madwoman be this utterly, infuriatingly childish?

Fine. I’ll admit it internally, and only internally—she can cook. The spaghetti was fantastic. But that didn't negate the fact that she was being brutally, maliciously annoying.

"Look," I growled, setting my empty plate down and pointing a finger at her. "New rule. No mentioning my private life, and in exchange, I won't state the obvious and call you an idiot."

Alexa raised a single eyebrow, chewing a mouthful of pasta with zero decorum, and offered me a look so smug it made my blood pressure spike.

"Whatever, Washington," she said, swallowing. "I need the bed. I am not sleeping on the couch."

I frowned, crossing my arms tightly. "The bedroom is mine. There is no way in hell an idiot like you is sleeping in my bed."

"Oh, really?" She wiped her mouth with a napkin, her eyes flashing with dangerous mischief. "I’m calling Grandpa. I’ll tell him his unhinged grandson is forcing his poor, delicate bride to sleep outside the cottage, dying, freezing, and waiting for wild Irish mountain beasts to devour her."

"You are absurdly dramatic."

"Am I?" she scoffed, standing up. "It’s basic, common courtesy to let the woman have the bed."

Before I could even register her movement, she sprinted toward the hallway like an Olympic runner.

"Hey! Get back here!"

I bolted after her so fast that my pinky toe smashed directly into the corner of the heavy wooden coffee table, ouch, damn it!, but I ignored the sharp shock of pain and lunged into the bedroom just as she took a flying leap toward the mattress.

I jumped at the exact same second.

My face collided directly with the sole of her foot.

"Ow! God—!" I groaned, clutching my nose as pain exploded across my face.

"That's what you get, dragon!" she wheezed, scrambling to pull the duvet over herself.

That was the spark that ignited total war.

I grabbed a feather pillow and slammed it down on her head. She shrieked, grabbed another, and struck me right across the chest.

Within seconds, the room descended into pure, chaotic madness. Feathers flew into the air, blankets were violently yanked back and forth, and we wrestled across the mattress like two wild animals, laughing, cursing, and refusing to surrender an inch of territory.

Eventually, I managed to trap both of her wrists, twisting her around and pinning her down against the mattress to end the madness once and for all.

Our chests were heaving, our breath coming in ragged, shallow gasps. Our faces were flushed bright red from the exertion, the room falling dead silent except for the crackle of the distant fireplace.

I was leaning directly over her, so close that my lips were mere millimeters from hers.

I froze.

She froze.

It was like someone had suddenly dumped a bucket of ice water over both of our heads. My mind went completely blank. Her wide, brown eyes locked onto mine, completely devoid of their usual snark, filled instead with pure, stunned shock.

In the suffocating silence, a sudden, unwanted realization hit me: she smelled ridiculously good. Annoying as hell, wrapped in a stupid red outfit, but smelling like fresh strawberries and warm sunshine.

For a terrifying, split second, my gaze flicked down to her mouth.

But before my brain could even process the sudden, suffocating shift in the air, the idiot Alexa decided the best way to break my grip was to violently smash her forehead directly against mine.

CRACK.

Pain exploded across my skull like a lightning strike.

"AGH! JESUS CHRIST!" I bellowed, letting go of her wrists and tumbling backward onto the mattress, clutching my head as blinding white spots danced across my vision.

"Awww, damn it!" Alexa shrieked beside me, rolling onto her side and cupping her face. "Ow, ow, ow!"

"Are you seriously this mental?!" I scowled, sitting up while rubbing the massive, throbbing knot instantly forming above my eyebrows. "What is wrong with you?!"

She stayed silent for a second, groaning softly as she tried to sit up. But the moment she got upright, her eyes fluttered, her body swayed, and she slumped back against the pillows, looking utterly dizzy and dazed.

I frowned, my irritation flaring back up. "Oh, don't act like you're the victim here! You're the one who rammed me with that stupid, hard bowling ball of a forehead!" I growled, crawling over to glare at her.

Then I saw it.

Directly in the center of her forehead was a bright, angry red welt that was already swelling up like a miniature plum. Damn it. She looked like a battered unicorn.

"Stay there," I muttered, rolling my eyes and tossing the blanket aside.

I stood up from the bed, stomping my bare feet across the cold hardwood floor toward the kitchen to hunt down a first-aid kit or an ice pack.

I located a medical box in the pantry, grabbed a bag of frozen peas from the freezer, and marched back down the hallway, ready to play begrudged nurse to my reckless fake wife.

CLICK.

I froze two steps from the doorway. The heavy oak bedroom door snapped shut right in front of my face, followed by the distinct, unmistakable sound of a brass lock sliding into place.

A second later, a loud, wicked, entirely un-dizzy burst of evil laughter echoed from inside the room.

"Enjoy the sofa, dragon!" Alexa’s voice sang out, completely cured of her dizziness. "Thanks for clearing out of my room!"

My jaw dropped. The petty, conniving little devil had faked being lightheaded just to lure me out of the room.

Pure, fiery rage surged through my veins. I slammed my fist heavily against the wooden panel. "ALEXA! Open this damn door right now!"

"I can't hear you over the sound of this massive, comfortable king-sized bed!" she called back, her laughter echoing through the wood. "Goodnight, husband! Don't let the Irish mountain ghosts bite!"

"You insufferable, unhinged, deceitful woman!" I swore, rattling the door handle violently. "I swear to God, I am going to tear this door off its hinges!"

"Save your energy for the sofa cushions, Washington!"

I stood in the dark hallway, holding a bag of frozen peas in one hand and a first-aid kit in the other, my forehead throbbing, my pride completely obliterated, and my dark eyes burning holes through the locked door.

"I will get back at you for this," I growled under my breath, turning around and stomping toward the living room with a furious promise in my chest. "Mark my words, Alexa. I am not sleeping on this couch tomorrow."