The Bitter Taste of Marriage

Tears streamed down my face, falling one by one on the plate in front of me.

I stared at the string of accusing messages from my husband, Jasper Young. My chewing stopped, and I couldn't force myself to take another bite.

My phone finally went quiet, and no more hurtful messages popped up.

But the next second, Jasper called. My hands trembled as I answered.

His voice softened on the other end. "Kirsten, I knew you'd listen. And you still care about Ruby."

He continued, "Pregnancy has been hard on her. She throws up everything she eats, and she has lost so much weight these past three months. You know that.

"Don't livestream for now. Let's wait until her symptoms get better, okay?"

His tone was gentle, almost like he was compromising. But I felt my heart sink little by little.

For the past ten years, it felt like I was always the one to give in to Jasper.

To help him start his business, I gave up the medical career I loved. I turned my life upside down to make money by livestreaming myself eating.

Because of those livestreams, my weight went from 100 pounds to nearly 200 pounds. I gained so much weight that it was impossible for me to get pregnant.

I even accepted Jasper's decision to have my best friend, Ruby Wright, carry his baby so he could have a child.

I gave in countless times, but somehow, I was always the one who was wrong. In the end, I always had to give in.

A dull ache spread through my chest, and my tears kept falling. I pressed my lips together tightly, unable to say a word.

Jasper's voice softened even more. "Kirsten, why are you crying? I was just a little harsh earlier. I wasn't trying to yell at you.

"I only wanted you to stop streaming for a few days. Just listen to me for the sake of our child, okay?"

I knew he was watching my livestream, so I nodded numbly.

The comments in my livestream were still pouring in.

[Come on, keep eating. Don't waste food!]

[Why is the streamer crying? She's got to be pretending.]

[I knew she couldn't keep eating. I can't wait for her act to be exposed!]

The endless accusations and mockery overwhelmed me. I couldn't stand watching anymore, so I reached up and ended the livestream.

But the call with Jasper was still connected. It sounded like he had casually put his phone down on a cabinet.

His affectionate voice came through the phone. "Ruby, are you okay? I already made her stop streaming. You should feel better now."

Ruby's weak, hoarse voice came through. She sounded as if she had just finished throwing up.

"Jasper, I feel much better now. Thank you," she said.

Through the phone, I could hear them embrace.

My husband was gently comforting my best friend. I slowly clenched my fists, and a sharp pain spread from my palms to my chest.

Ruby's voice was muffled. "But Jasper, is what we're doing really right? Kirsten and I grew up together.

"I can't be the other woman in her marriage. I can't betray her. Being able to have your child is already enough for me."

After she finished speaking, I heard her soft sobs come through the phone.

I felt my chest tighten instantly.

Ruby and I had grown up together. She was the one who slowly pulled me out of the darkness after I lost my parents.

She told me she would always stand with me, no matter what. She gave me the courage and hope to keep living.

But now, the salvation she once gave me became the very thing that hurt me the most.

Jasper's voice was much gentler than before. "Ruby, don't overthink it."

I could almost picture him carefully wiping away her tears and holding her tightly in his arms.

The next moment, Ruby's choked voice came through the phone.

"But Jasper, we were already sleeping together before you asked Kirsten if I could have your child. Isn't that still cheating?

"Jasper, I really can't live with this."

My mind went completely blank.

So they had been together behind my back all along, and I was kept in the dark the whole time.

Back when Jasper suggested that Ruby have his child, I swore she would never be the kind of person who would carry her best friend's husband's baby.

When Ruby agreed, I felt even more guilty. I thought she was doing it for me.

After that, I treated her even better because of that guilt.

The worst part was, she was never doing this for me. She merely used helping me have a child as a cover to shamelessly take my husband from me.

The last bit of warmth in my heart died out, and I felt myself sink into despair.

There was a brief silence on the other end of the phone. Then I heard the sound of their intimate kisses and them moving together.

I froze, realizing what they were doing.

In that moment, the pain hit me like a knife to the heart, leaving me unable to catch my breath.

Their actions made one thing clear. To Jasper, cheating wasn't a big deal.

My pain, sacrifices, and the past ten years meant nothing to him.

The sounds of their intimacy continued through the phone, and I knew where this was headed.

I looked down at the food mixed with my tears on the plate, then ended the call.

This marriage had become a source of nothing but suffering.

If I no longer mattered to Jasper, and if my place in his heart had already been taken, then it made no difference whether I stayed or left.