chapter 12: He won't Nullify

Mira

A contract? Really?

I kept hearing his voice in my head even as I tried to work. Usually work was enough to busy my mind and just drift off into a Renaissance period as I worked the art but not today.

I barely got enough sleep through the night.

I was meeting a lawyer at lunch time and I was nervous for some reason. If I went through with it, I'd break free from this spell of people pleasing that was about to ruin my life.

I thought about visiting my parents to make my intention known but decided against it, if I told them they would gas light me to endure.

It was all too painful.

Someone knocked on the glass door and I sighed thinking it was the landlord, my rent was due, he usually came this early to poke at my payment default. I had wealthy parents, or I thought they were but they'd rather die than support my art career. According to them, it's not honorable for an elite to be screeding art, like I'm not the one that revived all the arts they got the most money from or all the art I'd had to copy, I'm not proud of it.

I turned to get the door, surprised to find Harper. He held up coffee and what I knew could be bagels or donuts.

I let him in. “What are you doing here Harper?”

His breath was all foggy. “It's such a cold morning.” He breezed past me to set the coffees and bagels. I was right.

“ Yup, nearly froze to death last night.” I said with not a single shred of excitement and dug my fingers into my back pocket. I observed him, the dark circles had faded a bit and he seemed to be in a better mood. For a very good reason, I felt bad for him.

“Are you pitying me in your mind?” His head was bent to the side. He looked cute and boyish like you could just roughen up his curls.

I blinked away from him. “What? No, why would I?”

“Better. Come over here, let's have breakfast. I know you haven't had any.” Harper dusted a chair and dragged it along.

I sat beside him, it felt weird, what used to feel like routine. He brought me coffee or a frappe accompanied with donuts or bagels most mornings but today was different. I was torturing him, even if he didn't say so, it must hurt.

Would it be wise to talk about my marriage? Or even tell him I was getting it nullified.

I took a bagel and bit into it, he did the same. His movement was tentative, unsure. Harper wasn't like that around me but here he was being careful, scared of a misstep, what to do or how to act. It was understandable, it wouldn't be so weird to have breakfast with your brother's wife except we knew why it was weird.

His eyes flicked to my ring finger and I slipped it under the table. He looked away too quickly. My finger was bare.

“Have you had any new projects lately?” He asked to break off the awkward silence.

I pointed at the piece I was cleaning up, he followed my hand. “That came in from the minister of arts’ residence yesterday evening.”

“Hmmm. What's the art about?”

He was deflecting, avoiuding the elephant in the room and it made my skin crawl. It wasn't his fault.

“That one is more modern that any I've worked with, it's not old but a fire nearly wrecked it.” I said and he nodded his head as he chewed on a bagel.

“Look, Harper. I'm really sorry about this.”

He feigned a stunned ignorance. “Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong.”

I touched his hand and his warm green gaze met mine, his eyes were never sad but the past few days has been that way. “I can't imagine how hurt you feel Harper.”

He touched my cheek, his palm was warm from the coffee. “You can't. It's not your fault. What matters is that it isn't real to you.”

But it mattered. And I knew it shouldn't, my heart tethered, it didn't want this but still explored what it would feel like to lean into it a little bit more. I was speechless.

“It's not real to you, is it?” He asked

I shook my head. It was the only reasonable response I could come up with. It shouldn't be real to me.

We held our gaze long enough for us to edge closer, he was even closer and I knew he wanted to kiss me.

“I should get back to work. I'm meeting a lawyer for lunch.” I slipped away, I didn't want to hurt him more than he already was.

His throat bobbed up and down, his pain was so palpable. “A lawyer? What for.”

I took the white cloth for cleaning. “I'm nullifying the marriage.” His eyes lightened up, the familiar animation in them was back.

“What did he say about that?”

“What could he say? It's my decision.” That was a good enough answer for him. He smiled against his coffee.

After our breakfast conversation, Harper had to leave for a morning meeting. I was so thankful that despite all that happened he was still a companion. By the time we were done I wasn't drowning as quickly as I had been. I finally spoke to someone who wouldn't ask me a million questions.

Alba and I met up at a diner close to my workshop, it was a bit upscale to fit her person. I didn't know who he was and had to outsource the legal practitioner outside and away from home.

We discussed the issue over a meal, Alba enjoyed her meal while I nit-picked mine. I wasn't myself since that sickening conversation with Theo, I was perpetually nauseated.

Alba was enjoyable and easy to talk to, she spoke to me like a friend or sister would and made side jokes about some people in the restaurant and I began to feel better about everything.

“Both parties have to agree to nullify the marriage.” she advised with a wince before she left me with her card saying I should call her for further discussions after Theo, my husband had agreed.

And my world came crashing down. I chugged a glass of water, the queasy feeling was back.

Theo wouldn't agree to nullify.