The Silence of Secrets

After the gala was over, Ella had been an array of tasks accumulated that she simply could not catch up with the flow of work and countless sleepless nights. She had blamed it on job stress, but now weeks have turned into days her body is telling things her mind can’t; comprehend. It dawned on her one morning upon waking and, struggling with severe vomiting, the date staring at her from the calendar. She was late.

Ella lost the blur of each key, every breaking news story that she was hunting for; she sat in the doctor’s office listening, listening for the doctor to tell her the truth she knew all along. Posters of smiling infants and happy families clad the walls, yet they only brought out the loneliness that she had to encounter every day.

“For the last time, it’s miss Jameson?” Dr. Harper said kindly to break through Ella’s chronic copy-like state. Afterward, the nurse pronounces, “The test is positive” you are approximately three weeks pregnant.

These words she repeated and sang in her head, as if every note she heard included happiness and death. A baby. Alexander's baby. Her fingers touched her abdomen, a gesture as defensive as it is questioning.

That Ella decided to hide the issue from Alexander, it should be noted that it did not come easy to her. She realized all the possible consequences of what she was going to do, as well as the probabilities of having various reactions. But towards the end of the process, the idea of having a child which he never desired, and probably driving him away forever, made her keep quiet.

After some days, she went back to work and kept her ‘secret’ in check underneath flyover blouses and loose fitting dresses. Men and her other colleagues benefited from this disposition of hers by heaping praise on her for the glow that she had developed, unaware of the life that was sprouting in her womb.

While, on the other hand, Alexander did not feel at ease or comfortable at this level of aggression. Ella’s article had been an eye-opener, it was as if he got to know her in a way he never expected; her disappearance was felt as a blank space in a picture he was unable to paint. At times, he contacted her under the guise of professional contact, but the other party never responded, making him wonder whether he imagined their closeness.

Months slipped by, and still Ella’s belly remained full of the secret she kept. She was fervent in her work, throwing herself into it with a conviction to demonstrate that nothing had changed even when everything has changed.

One evening as she worked late, her hand cupping the curve of her abdomen, she felt a sharp blow on it reminding her that her life was no longer hers. Not from pain but because of the overwhelming love for the little being inside her eye watered.

As Ella’s due date approached, she planned for her maternity leave without alerting anyone at work. She had only revealed this information to a few people whom she trusted and would support her during this period without Alexander's knowledge.

She worked till the last minute with an unwavering commitment to her job while listening to the call of rest from within herself. And then one day she silently left, leaving behind an orderly office and an empty inbox that suggested someone who just went away for a short holiday.

Inside Ella’s home where only some close friends were present, preparations were being made for the arrival of Ella’s baby. The nursery was ready; pale colors and soft toys testified to the baby’s upcoming existence.

Ella had a tough time giving birth. But when she first held her baby girl, the pain vanished, turned into deep love that stunned her.

She called her baby Lily, which means clean beginnings and beauty.

Ella took on being a mom with more fire than she thought she had. She cared for Lily day and night, growing closer with every smile and tear. Even without Alexander around in this part of her story, Ella pushed to be her best for Lily, on her own if she had to.

Getting back to work, everyone saw something different in Ella. She seemed kinder but also more focused, her gaze showing the marks of long nights and pure love.

Alexander caught the subtle shift, too. He spotted her softer sides and the silent power she gave off. He aimed to close the space between them, striving to grasp the gap that had widened, yet Ella was like a stronghold, her defenses stacked tall to keep her secret safe.

Ella observed Lily's growth, each advancement a reminder tinged with the sweetness and sting of the secret she harbored. She saved each event, every beginning, in pictures and film clips, making a digital record for a time she wished would bring Alexander in.

For the moment, though, she kept her peace, her affection for Lily an unspoken pledge to shield her, truth included.

Ella felt her secret's weight more as Lily's first birthday neared. She planned a little party with just family and good friends to celebrate her daughter.

During the small party in her apartment, friends' laughter and kids' chatter filled the air. Yet, in quieter times, Ella's gaze on Lily mixed with love and sadness.

That night, as Ella tucked Lily in among presents and balloons that were losing air, she vowed. “One day, little one, he'll find out. And you will too.”

She swore to share everything with Alexander someday, but not now. Ella chose to keep the secret for a bit longer, wrapping a silent protective layer around the life she made for her and Lily.