Chapter 4

Monday, I started work. Three years out, rusty as hell, but my brain still worked. The skills were still there. I spent three days going through the department's project archives from the past year. Day four, I started on my own work.

My manager called me into her office.

"Evelyn, with that three-year gap on your resume, I'll be honest, I hesitated at first."

I didn't explain. I waited.

"But what you've turned in this week is high quality. Keep it up."

"Thank you."

Back at my desk, my phone lit up. A message from Eric. A photo. Mason hugging a giant stuffed bear, grinning. Caption: Mason keeps talking about his Aunt Evelyn!

I looked at it for a few seconds, then flipped the phone face down on the desk.

Last year, for Mason's birthday, I'd spent two weeks picking out a Lego set and a picture book, wrapped them myself, and dropped them off. A few days later, I went to their place and saw the Lego still sitting on the shoe cabinet in the entryway. Wrapping paper untouched. Brittany came out of the kitchen, followed my gaze, and said casually, "Oh, that one. Mason has too many toys. It's just sitting there for now."

Later I found the picture book in the trash. The cover had a tear across it.

I didn't say anything at the time. Now I realize Brittany knew exactly what she was doing. It was deliberate.

I replied to Eric: Mm.

He texted back instantly: Baby, did you deep clean the house? I want it spotless when we're back.

I stared at the words on the screen. He was probably lounging on the couch in the cabin, a warm drink in hand, snow-capped mountains outside the window. A flick of his thumb, and he expected me to do the work.

I replied: Done.

Him: Good girl. I got you something special.

Special.

I used to wonder what it was. Used to look forward to it. Now the word just felt like sand in my eyes.

After work, I didn't go home. I went to the mall. Bought myself a camel cashmere coat. Trying it on, my face in the mirror looked a little pale, but my eyes were bright. I'd walked past that window a hundred times, always glanced twice, never once gone in to try it. Always thought it wasn't necessary. Always thought the money should go somewhere else.

Today I didn't hesitate. Swiped my card, walked out with the bag, then stopped at the skincare counter next door and bought an expensive set.

That night, back at the apartment, I slept like a rock. No dreams.

The next day was Christmas Eve. The office closed at noon.

Rachel called in the afternoon.

"Really spending tonight alone?"

"Mm."

"Come to my place. My mom was asking about you yesterday."

"No. I want to be by myself."

A pause. "Okay. Take care of yourself. Call me if you need anything."

"Okay."

I went down to the supermarket and bought a basket of things. Steak, shrimp, asparagus, mushrooms, a bottle of red wine, and a small box of tiramisu. All my favorites.

I made four dishes, plated them, poured a glass of wine. The TV was on, a Christmas concert playing. The living room felt warm and lively.

But inside, I was calm.

The kind of calm that comes when you finally don't have to watch anyone's face anymore.

Around ten, my phone rang. FaceTime. Eric.

I hesitated, then answered.

The screen was crowded with faces. Warm yellow light in the dining room, lobster and champagne on the table, the whole family dressed up.

"Evelyn! Merry Christmas!" Brittany waved at the camera, loud. "Look at this lobster! It's huge!"

Candace leaned in, smiling. "Evelyn, don't just eat leftovers alone at home. Treat yourself a little."

Eric held the phone, his face closest. "Merry Christmas, baby. We'll be back tomorrow."

They all looked so happy. Probably waiting for me to look envious, or squeeze out a "glad you're having fun."

I looked at them for a moment. Then I smiled.

"Merry Christmas."

Then I flipped the camera and swept it across my dining table. Steak, shrimp, red wine, dessert. All laid out.

"I ate pretty well tonight," I said.

The screen went quiet. Candace's smile froze. Her lips were still curved, but her eyes weren't smiling anymore.

I didn't wait for a reply.

"Enjoy your dinner. Safe travels tomorrow."

I hung up.

Phone on silent, tossed on the coffee table.

The room went quiet again. I knew this was only temporary. In a dozen hours or so, the real show would begin.

I picked up my wine glass and took a sip.