6

~Avila

Everyone sits stiffly around the table, staring down at their food.

They have all about half cleared their plate, while mine remains mostly untouched. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but it's some kind of soup with absolutely no seasoning.

My stomach turns just looking at it.

"It was your favourite meal," Crimson states, eyeing me warily.

I'm tired of everyone looking at me like I'm something to fear, like I'm going to explode at any moment. Maybe they don't want to lose me again, but I feel fine.

"It tastes plain," I say, picking up some of the reddish brown liquid on my spoon, letting it drip back down into the bowl.

"That's what you liked," Vade mutters from across the table. "Plain and simple."

He's been avoiding my gaze since dinner was served. Crimson set up a whole introduction that includes this dinner, knowing nothing about my previous meeting with him in the middle of the night.

It's a good thing she doesn't know. She's been flustered since Vade numbly introduced himself and left it at that. She keeps trying to assure me that he is just in shock, but I know better.

He hates me.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I like this." I push the bowl away from me, scrunching my nose up in disgust. I don't mean to be rude, but I can't stand eating that.

Crimson turns to one of her staff. "Go make her something else."

One of them quickly collects the bowl and leaves with it. Now there is nothing to distract me from this uncomfortable dinner.

They seem to have forgotten that to me, they are all strangers.

"A lot more has changed than we first anticipated," Roel states, raising his brows. "Even your tastes seem to have changed."

I shift uncomfortably under their scrutiny. They must be joking around with me, considering how terrible that meal was. There is no version of me that could have possibly enjoyed that.

"I wish you would all stop looking at me like that," I mumble, brushing my hair back from my face.

"We are just curious, Avila. We don't mean any harm by it," Roel assures me gently. I glance up at Vade but he is looking away now, shaking his head like the thought of something has irritated him.

I look to Crimson. "Who are my friends? If I had any."

"Yes, Venna and Pria. They will be delighted to see you, although perhaps we should wait until we announce your return to the world," Crimson says delicately.

A plate of steamed vegetables and some kind of meat is placed in front of me. I concentrate on that instead of the burning desire to rip into my mind to tug out what's missing.

"When are we going to do that?" I question, stabbing my fork into a carrot. I want some more freedom to explore who I once was without worrying about who might find out.

"When your father returns. He will have an idea." Crimson's expression tightens.

I narrow my eyes. How is it that I know Roel better than my own father at this point?

"Why isn't he here already? Vade came from another place and he got here within a day," I note.

Crimson smooths her hands through her perfectly styled hair. "Your father is a very busy man."

"It's not because of a lack of love for you," Roel adds, sensing my unease. "He is anxious to get here, I'm sure, but unfortunately he prefers to do all his diplomacy himself, and must complete his work before he can return."

"Did I even like my father?" I question.

Vade bites down on his lower lip, shifting uncomfortably. He knows something I don't, and I suspect he wouldn't tell me anything if I pushed him on it.

Crimson blinks like she can’t believe the question. "Of course, you adore him."

"I want you to feel comfortable building relationships at your own pace. The way you were before clearly isn't the same now. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel the same way about everyone as you once did,” Roel reminds me steadily, ignoring the sharp glare Crimson gives him from across the table.

I nod numbly, looking up. I wish Vade would look at me.

Of everyone here, he is the least convinced I’ve changed. I’m going to need to prove it to him that I wasn’t as horrible as he remembered.

He should be lucky that I’m choosing to believe him. What if I wasn’t bad, and he was the problem?

"Who is the man I am having flashbacks of kissing?" I blurt out, eager to get his attention.

Roel told me to keep that to myself, but I want answers. I was in love with that strange man, and I want to know who he is.

Sure enough, everyone looks at me with parted mouths and wide eyes.

"I see some things haven't changed..." Vade tips his head back, letting out a long breath.

"Well, Vade I hope,” Crimson stutters, flushing bright red.

She knows something too. She is far too nervous, her gaze darting in all kinds of directions for her to be completely clueless. Why are they lying to me?

Who is this man?

"No. He looks nothing like Vade,” I state.

Vade has cold, cruel eyes and a persistent stare that makes me feel naked under his scrutiny. He’s tall, imposing and his beauty is unparalleled.

But he has no warmth toward me. The other man was all over me, obsessed with me.

"She never truly desired me, Crimson," Vade mutters, shaking his head a little. "She obviously entertained other lovers."

"I was in love..." I breathe. Someone has to know something.

Vade looks down at his empty plate, jaw tightening. Is that hurt I see, carved deep into his expression?

"Maybe we shouldn't speak about this anymore. We need to concentrate on healing,” Roel says carefully, noting how uncomfortable Vade has become.

The Prince abruptly stands, his chair scraping along the hardwood floor.

"I think I'll go.”

"We haven’t even had dessert!” Crimson protests.

"I think I lost my appetite." He walks for the exit, leaving everyone at the table stunned.

I scramble up, chasing after him. I need him to know that I didn’t intend to hurt him. I’ve just been assuming he hates me, that he couldn’t care less if I loved someone else.

"Vade!" I call out down the hallway.

He stops, albeit reluctantly. "What is it, Avila?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that, I'm just so confused and I want answers,” I tell him as I approach.

He stiffens at my proximity. "It's fine."

"Do you know if I had a lover?" I ask softly, rubbing the back of my neck. It’s such a strange conversation to have with someone who I’m expected to marry.

"You never spoke to me about anything, and if your mother knew you had one, she wouldn't have been pleased," he states. "You kept a lot of secrets."

I narrow my eyes instinctively. There is no way Crimson doesn’t know something, but perhaps Vade isn’t aware. Maybe he really is as clueless as I am about my secret life.

"I want to know who he is,” I say, more to myself than Vade.

His eyes darken, his expression cold all of a sudden.

"Of course you do. That's who you are," he growls. "You don't care for obligations, for others feelings. You are impulsive and selfish, and I would prefer you don't try to involve me in any of your messes from now on."

Guilt and hurt immediately bloom in my chest. He’s right. I’m too busy trying to find the truth that I haven’t given enough consideration to his feelings.

Maybe I still am that terrible person…

"Vade..." I start, ready to launch into my apology.

He clearly doesn’t want to hear it. He turns his back on me and walks away, leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway, regretting every decision I made.

For the rest of the night I sit in bed, stewing in my own stupidity. Vade was harsh with me. Rightfully so, but it still hurts.

Thunder cracks overhead, rain splattering against my window violently. I was hoping for another garden walk to clear my head, although that’s not an option tonight.

Turning on my side, I stuff my head deeper into my pillow. I need to sleep this feeling off.

Just as my eyes drift close, the sound of my window sliding up has been twisting in the sheets in panic.

A dark figure dips their head under the window pane, stepping carefully onto the carpeted floor. Their dark cloak and hood drips with rain, dotting my bedroom floor.

A scream gets caught in my throat, coming out all strangled and breathy.

The stranger straightens, raising their gloved hands to pull back their hood.

My eyes widen. I recognise him immediately as the man from my dream.

"You're him..." I breathe.