SimoneThe air kicked on, automatically cooling the small apartment to a crisp 68 degrees. I detested the cold, but Nori couldn’t sleep if it was too hot. I’d turn the thermostat up; however, I didn’t have the energy to move. I’d already called in sick, and my boss warned me that I couldn’t take any more days off without penalty. I whispered that I understood and hung up. I was about to toss my phone when I realized I had missed a call from Anthony at 4:18 in the morning. I listened to his voicemail more times than I cared to admit, trying to decipher if I should hate him more or a smidge less.I still hate him. Giving me an update on Nori feels like he’s taunting me, even if that isn’t his intention. Was it really that hard to grant me joint custody? Nori wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me. Hell, I would’ve taken a weekly supervised playdate if that meant I could see my daughter.I rolled over and realized my mistake when my red and puffy eyes landed on a pink and white 3-in-1 bab
AnthonyIt was 4:00 in the morning, and Nori had finally exhausted herself from all the crying and fell asleep. I read to her, rocked her, gave her a bottle and her pacifier, played a cartoon on TV, and bathed her in lavender-scented soothing baby wash—nothing helped. For a moment, while she cried for her Mama, I considered letting her go. I nearly packed up my daughter and drove her to Simone’s place, but I felt that if I did, I’d be admitting defeat, and that I was never meant to be a parent if I couldn’t handle a night of crying.I want to be happy with my daughter, but what if I’m hurting her?I was on the edge of sleep when my eyes focused on the little white purse Nori had earlier carried. It hung from a knob of her white dresser drawers. I had to settle my curiosity. I opened the purse and found two folded letters: one for me and one for Nori.Anthony,I was prepared to curse you in this letter as no one has ever been cursed before. I wanted to call you every nasty name in the
Anthony“Nori, honey. Please settle down,” I whispered, damn near on the verge of crying myself. The child had been crying nonstop since we left the courtroom, and that was hours ago. She’d long ago ripped the white bows out of her head, leaving her ponytails wild and skewed. Her face was red, splotchy, and streaked with tears. I tried feeding her, and she swiped the bowl of spaghetti off the high chair table with a forceful backhand, sending sauce and noodles splattered against her pretty dress and the pristine white walls. She flopped over like a fish in the highchair and cried out the only word I assumed she knew…Mama.The more I told her to calm down, the worse it got.“You should give Simone a call. Maybe if Nori heard her voice, then she’ll settle down,” Jonathan suggested.“No, I got this.”“I think you were too aggressive. You could’ve done a gentle transition. You know, spend a few months getting to know Nori before taking her from Simone.” I ignored him and pulled a sauced no
SimoneMy baby is gone. I’ve lost her, but she isn’t dead. She still exists. I just…can never see or hold her again. It’s true. Every moment with your child is precious. Life is unpredictable—here today, gone tomorrow.Where do I go? Home? Back to the place with her nursery and a reminder of her first dentist appointment on the refrigerator? Somewhere else? A place where a memory of her doesn’t exist?I checked the time on my phone, but my lock screen was of her. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and questioned if I should remove it. The constant reminder of the love lost would be torture.“Ma’am, you have to leave. We’re locking the courthouse for the evening,” I heard from a gruff voice above me.“I’m sorry,” I whispered, standing to my feet.“I’ll escort you to your car.”“That won’t be necessary,” I refused. I left the courthouse and found my sedan in the parking lot looking as lonely as me. My breath caught in my throat when I eyed Nori’s car seat in the back.She will not
Simone“I’m sorry,” Anthony murmured as he sat beside me on a bench while we waited for the verdict.Sorry? I scoffed in my head while Nori sat on my lap, playing with a doll.“About which part? Trying to take my daughter? Refusing to split custody? Or was it bringing up food stamps or the fact I was a day or two late on my rent a few times—”“Six,” he reminded me, setting his cane across his lap.“You didn’t need to clarify,” I snapped.Heartless bastard.He cleared his throat, and his gaze locked on Nori. “I’m sorry…for all of it. Believe me, Ms. Livingston, it was not supposed to be this way. I didn’t want to do this.”I smiled ruefully. “Oh, let me guess…this hurts you more than it hurts me?”He pursed his lips before allowing his expression to even out. “Perhaps not more, but I’m hurting too.”“Not even getting hit by a truck hurts more than this.”His lips turned up softly. “You haven’t been hit by a truck yet.”“Yet?” I scoffed with a shrug. “You might as well, at this point.”
AnthonyI anxiously tapped my cane against the tile floor and stared at Judge Wallen. Her poker face was top-tier—she didn’t give the slightest hint of emotion as Simone expressed how she should retain parental rights of Nori.“Judge Wallen, I implore you to do the right thing. It’s regrettable what Mr. Powell went through, but I’ve been Nori’s everything since she was born. While he may be her biological father, he’s still a stranger.”“Do you have anything else to add before Mr. Powell speaks?”“I…I’ve loved Nori since I felt her first kick; however, I told myself not to get close to her because of my obligations and duty to Mr. Powell, but all bets were off when we left the hospital. It’s me and Nori against the world, and she’s mine. I’m not heartless, Judge Wallen. I propose joint custody if Mr. Powell is in agreement. It would only be fair.”“Thank you, Ms. Livingston. Please take your seat. Mr. Powell, will your lawyer speak on your behalf, or would you like to make a statement?