Chapter Two

~Beatrix Pov

Maybe if I begged Mum enough, she'd let me leave this university.

That was the only thought in my head as I stood there, staring at four pairs of shoes. Kai's question was still hanging in the air.

"Why don't you come around?" Kai said

I didn't answer. What was I supposed to say?

"I have to go," I said instead.

Nobody moved for a second.

Then Bryan stepped aside.

I didn't have time to wonder why. It was the only gap I was getting, so I took it.

My legs moved faster than they ever had before. I refused to look back, but I heard a soft laugh behind me.

It had to be about me.

I decided not to think about it.

I went straight to the library. My cousin, the librarian, took one look at my face and slid his phone across the desk without a word. He was used to this by now.

I dialed Mum's number.

She picked up on the fifth ring, and I knew she'd seen whose number it was.

"Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"I need to talk to you about leaving."

Silence.

Then a sigh.

"Not this again."

"Mum, please. I'll transfer anywhere. I'll do a year at home. I just—"

"You got into that university with grades people would cry over. You're not throwing that away because someone said something."

Someone said something.

She didn't know what it was like to live in this body. To walk into a room and wonder who was looking at you, who was laughing at you, who was whispering about you.

"Mum, it's not about that," I said.

"Then tell me what it's about, Beatrix," she countered. "How many schools did we have to move you to, because it's always something with you?"

"Mum."

How was I supposed to explain that this time, I was a dare?

That four boys had decided I was something they could turn into a game?

"I don't care what it is," she said, her voice rising. "All you ever do is run away. This time, it's not happening."

"Mum..." It came out almost like a plea.

"Eat something," she said. "And go to your next lecture."

Then she hung up. I sat there with the phone against my chest, that old feeling creeping up again. The one where I lied to myself and said it didn't matter.

Maybe if I kept my head down, it would all go away. Boys like that never stayed interested in someone like me for long. If I didn't become a player in their dare, it would fade on its own.

"Phone," my cousin said, holding out his hand.

I passed it back. He didn't return to his desk. rather sat down across from me instead.

"Josh, I really don't want to be here," I said.

“Why, though? You worked so hard to get into this university.”

He gave me a knowing look.

He and Mum were the only two people there the day my admission came through. It was one of the happiest memories I had.

Getting into Haneul Elite School of Business had always been my dream. I had worked for it, sacrificed for it, and imagined what my life would be like once I finally got there.

But happy memories never seemed to last long for me.

It didn't take long for Haneul to remind me that I was still the same girl who never seemed to fit society's standards.

“I just… never fit in,” I said quietly. “You can see it, right? No one talks to me. And when they do, it's usually just to throw in a way to mock me.”

Josh didn't interrupt.

“I really wish I could just cut away half of myself and look more like the other girls.” I looked down at my body. “But I can't.”

I paused, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Josh was the only person I could always talk to. The only person who never made me feel like I needed to apologize for existing.

“I've tried everything,” I whispered. “But nothing works.”

“Hmmm…”

Josh leaned back, studying me for a moment.

“You know what I think?”

I looked at him.

“I think you've spent so much time trying to become someone people would like that you've forgotten you're supposed to like yourself first.”

I didn't know how to respond to that.

“As much as I might feel like Aunty is being harsh right now, there's a bit of truth to what she's saying.”

I looked at him.

Josh held my gaze for a moment before continuing.

“You can't keep hiding forever. Their opinions are only important if you let them be.”

He waved his hand as though he could physically brush the thought away.

“What do I always say? If someone says something you don't like, just say, ‘Fuck it,’ and move on.”

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh.

“It's not that easy.”

“I know.” His voice softened. “I'm not saying it is. I'm just saying you shouldn't let people who don't even know you decide how you feel about yourself.”

I looked down at my hands.

“Besides,” he added, leaning back with a grin, “you're going to Haneul Elite School of Business. You worked your ass off to get here. Don't let a bunch of insecure people convince you that you don't belong.”

I smiled faintly.

Maybe he was right.

Maybe I had spent so much time worrying about how everyone else saw me that I'd forgotten to ask myself how I actually saw myself

Neither of us spoke. I just stared at him, letting his words sink in.

Then Josh glanced at his phone and sighed.

"But for now, I really need you to go to your lecture."

I frowned. "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously." He pointed toward the door. "I can't have my supervisor come in and find you hiding in the library. Come on."

"I don't want to, though," I mumbled, but I was already on my feet, picking up my bag and dragging myself toward the door.

"See you later," he said.

I turned and gave him a small smile before I left.

The thing about Haneul was that everything ran on a schedule.

Bells for lectures, bells for meals, bells for everything in between. And when the last lecture ended, all I had to do was go back to my dorm.

As long as I stuck to my routine, there was no chance they'd get near me. I was sure of it. They'd get bored, and this would come to an end.

I'd been repeating that like a mantra.

But nothing went as planned. I left the library and sat through my lecture. Then lunch came, and I found a quiet spot at the far end of the hall as usual.

Kai walked over and sat down right next to me, on my right.

Oh God, no.

I barely had time to think it before Cruz dropped into the seat on my left.

"There you are," he said, unwrapping a piece of gum.

I wished I could just disappear. I could hear the whispers already. My fingers tightened around my spoon before I set it down and stared at my food. Rice, chicken, a scoop of vegetables I no longer felt like eating.

I always looked forward to meals. Were they really going to ruin this too?

"Why are you eating alone?" Cruz asked.

I tried, really tried, to put on a smile. "I like it that way."

He nodded like he understood something.

"How about you eat with us now?"

"No!"

It came out louder than I meant it to. Much louder. Cruz jerked back, startled, and the whole hall went silent. I knew they were all watching and pretending not to, and now I'd given them a reason to.

Then Cruz's gum bubble popped, and the noise came rushing back.

"The party," Kai said.

I turned to him. Same eyes as his brother, but that was where the resemblance ended. He looked like he'd just come off a field, sleeves pushed up, a little rough around the edges.

"The party's this weekend," he said, his voice low. "You should come. I would really love that."

My heart did something stupid.

I looked down at my spoon, because looking at him was a bad idea.

It's a dare, I reminded myself. He doesn't mean it.

But the word slipped out anyway.

"Okay."