The Comfort

We shared nice moments that night. I listened to him silently, sipped my beer, smoking and watching the gleaming city lights below, while he talked and talked for hours, blurting everything he wanted to be said. Suddenly I felt that I knew him pretty well, I can understand his emptiness, his vulnerability, while also admiring his strong-willed heart, and realizing that everything he owns and achieves right now just doesn’t fall right upon his lap, but he struggled for every tiny bit of it.

“Sorry, Anita, I dragged you here and made you listen to all this. You must be really bored hearing me talking for hours.” He said, then puffing the smoke out of his mouth, glancing his beautiful blue eyes at me. 

“Hey, that’s okay, Clay. You can always tell me everything. It’s really a pleasure to hear all of it, to have you confide everything to me.” I answered after lighting my cigarette.

He took a sip from his bottle and continued, “I don’t know why, but since our first conversation, I feel comfortable when I’m around you. You don’t ask about anything related to my work life, as most of the other people always do, even at the first time they personally talked to me. And I feel that you can accept the real me. People usually only see me as a famous person, and they don't dare to get close to me. They said I am cold, arrogant, unfriendly. But I’m mostly just an awfully quiet person. I never meant to be unfriendly or cold, I just don’t know what to say to people at first. I’m not really good at socializing and often feels difficult to fit in, that’s all.”

“Well, I can understand how you feel. If I were in your position, I probably felt the same. It might be nice if everybody recognizes you everywhere you go at first, but after that, you will feel like you cannot get any freedom because everybody seems too eager to know every single thing about you, but only about your work and achievement, not yourself as a person."

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m feeling. But now I go and do my way, and hell with them.”

Tonight I saw another side of Clayton Sommers. He looks like a strong and cold person on the outside at first, but now I can see his other side. Sometimes, he must be hiding in his cold outer appearance, while he actually just felt a little bit uneasy inside.

“Clay, I’m sorry about what I said and what happened when I called you tonight. I really didn't know what to do when I saw your name on the list. Acting with you will be a pleasure for me, I’m sure of it, but I think it will also add quite a lot of pressure. Honestly, I feel giddy and nervous at the same time”.

I blurted out the truth when I think that I just gotta be truthful about the situation. I don’t like to hide something from someone who has just confided so many things to me, because it seems unfair.

“Pressure? Why? If you think about the rumor that you will get because you acted with me, I’m really sorry”, he apologized.

“No. Not about that, actually. I don’t care about any of that, let them talk. But… umm… it’s because… I... I think I kinda... have a little... crush on you. I felt... really… extremely nervous... when I figured out I will act with you.”

There I said it while I was looking at his perfect face and suddenly felt my face burn.

Shoot!

I must be looking awfully embarrassing, and I hide my face with my hands. I’m too shy to look at him right now.

“Hey... Anita… look at me.”

He put his bottle beside him and took my hand from my face. His face looked earnest as his dark blue eyes looking deep into my eyes.

I felt more and more embarrassed, my face felt hotter until I knew I couldn't show my face to him anymore. I turned my face away. Then he took his other hand to grab my face and turned it to see his.

“Anita, please. Look me in the eye when I tell you this”, he said.

”I like you too. I don’t really know what I’m feeling right now, is it a crush or what, and how it will turn out to be, but I know I like you. I like talking to you, and being with you just makes me feel like I can always be myself. Do you know why it took two days for me to call you? I wasn’t really that busy, and I was thinking of calling you a few times, but I don’t know what to say if I called you that time. The only reason I could think of was wishing you good luck with the result announcement, so the only appropriate time to be able to call you was this morning, for that reason.”

WHAT??? Oh My Gracious God, is this even real?

Clayton Sommers, the guy who I have always had a crush on since I first saw him smoking at the campus a few months ago, with his cool and perfect appearance, just said those words??