2

I must make myself available to life.

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Catori never thought much of the world. Though she now had reason enough in the past few days, the pressures of being a young lady were burdening her down. Never did Catori imagine it like this. All her life, she was told how to live and who to love.

But today that will change. In hopes of things getting better, Catori went to the only place she thought could help her, be her refuge in a time of confusion.

With a racing heart, Catori knocked on the old rusting iron door, wondering if the occupants inside were still expecting visitors.

The door swung open with a creaking sound and dragged on the ground.

“Needs grease,” Catori said to herself, as she stepped inside the threshold.

The old automatic door slammed behind Catori, as her eyes adjust to the dim light that washed the inside of the Church.

It seemed to be the biggest building in Desolation, and the only one that seemed modernised enough.

The large square-shaped clock hadn’t struck nine yet, but Catori knew that this time was the greatest.

When the sisters were at their happiest, fresh out of a month’s long fast and new prayers.

Catori twisted her hands as she waited. It felt like she was being mocked by the silence and the ticking of the clock. Beads of sweat had trailed their way down her neck, exposing her fear.

Even though this was a decision for Catori to make, she still dreaded what her mother had to say. She never discussed it with either of her parents, but yet here she was, about to make the biggest decision, or maybe a mistake, in her life.

Catori was about to ask if she could join the convent. Become a nun, and denounce men.

She looked away from the clock at the same moment a small door off to the left swung open.

Out walk five nuns, chatting away in hushed whispers.

Catori waited for them to say their goodbyes to each other before making her approach.

“Good morning Sister Rose, Sister Angelica.” Catori greeted.

In return, they nod their greetings.

Catori twisted her finger, feeling even more nervous than ever.

Then Catori rushed out what she wanted to say in one breath. “I want to join the convent, join the sisters in a life of solitude only to serve God and denounce all men.”

Sister Rose and Sister Angelica exchanged concerned looks.

Sister Rose took Catori’s hands and led her over to a chair to sit, with Sister Angelica following in tow.

“Young one, is this truly something that you want?” Sister Rose asked. Catori nodded.

“Are you sure you are ready to take the vow of chastity or celibacy? Do you even know what it means?” Sister Rose asked again.

Again, Catori nodded. “That means I can’t marry or engage in romantic behaviour or sexual acts of any kind.”

“You poor child.″ Rose patted Catori’s right cheek. 

Something passed in her eyes, but it was too quick for Catori to read. 

“This vow frees you from the demands of an exclusive human relationship so that you can give all your love to God and through God to all people. Are you sure this is what you want?”

Catori was silent at that. After all, it is a decision she made a few minutes ago. Having only browsed through an article briefly.

“There is also a vow of poverty, which means you must live a simple life. Giving up personal possessions and any sense of ownership.” Sister Rose finished.

“I don’t think this is something you want to do. I mean, think about it some more. And please read this.” Sister Angelica finally spoke up as she handed Catori a small black book.

"I won't change my mind," Catori retorted.

“Go home and think about it.” Angelica implored.

Catori did just that. Well, she tried to.

Without getting far, she hears the unmistakable voice of her father calling to her. Catori contemplated whether to stop or continue, pretending to not hear him.

“Catori,” her father called out again.

Catori felt panicked, thinking that he must have seen her coming out of the monastery, or maybe her book, which she tried to hide in her sleeve.

Despite the fridged weather, Catori’s palms perspired with nervousness, as she dreads what her father might say.

Lucian looked up at the imposing building, then at Catori.

She could see the wheels turning in his head, his lips formed a thin line as to not say anything.

There was an awkward pause. 

The two just exchanged looks. 

Neither of them was verbose to each other. 

It was so ever since Catori could talk.

Either way, there was nothing to say, regardless. Catori was now an adult and she could and will decide on her own.

Even though Catori knew that this was unavoidable, her parents would have found out about her exploits either way.

But what can they do?

Especially her mother, other than making an argument, then tell Catori to not come running back, and that a husband was what she needs.

Eventually, they made it home to their three-story beige colour stone house in the north of Desolation.

Catori peeked up at her father, only to see him leering down at her.

"Please do nothing stupid or anything that will upset your mother." He told her.

That took Catori by surprise. 

She opened her mouth to retaliate like she always does. But her father narrowed his eyes, "there are still things in this world you don't understand, and some things that are yet to unfold, so until then hold off on being a nun."

Catori stared blankly at her father, wondering what he meant by things left to unfold.

She watched after him as he pushed the front door open; he looked back at her then gave her a sharp nod.

Leaving Catori to wonder what he was going off about.

She entered the house shortly after. Rosemary and peppermint evaded her senses the minute she did.

Her siblings sat around the small wooden table in the living room, playing chess.

Her little brother Nuka is the first to look up. He had a bright smile on his round face.

"I'm winning, big sister." His smile widened.

While Kai looked about to cry.

Catori sat with them, sure that Nuka wasn't playing fair. He never did.

"Let me see," she nuzzled Nuka to study the chessboard. To her surprise, he wasn't cheating, just one more move, and he won.

Catori studied her siblings, thinking that they were very smart for their age, only being six years.

The two, boy and girl, being fraternal twins, the only similarities they shared were a round face, and honey brown eyes.

Kai was a foot taller than her brother, with blonde hair, a straight nose, soft pouty lips, and a skinny body.

While Nuka was a bit on the chubby side with dark hair, thin lips, a broad nose and his ever mischievous smile.

You can say that both Catori's siblings are carbon copies of their parents, Kai looking like their father and Nuka looking like their mother.

While Catori shared striking features and looked exactly like her father.)

Catori played a few rounds with them, promising if either won, she would buy them sweets.