The Empty Longing

My boyfriend, Ty Hyland, and I both had normal hearing, yet we communicated only in sign language. Our friends all praised Ty for being so kind. They thought he had encouraged me to change the way I communicated because he wanted to master sign language and help people with hearing loss. But they did not know that he did it for only one person. In the beginning, Ty suggested that we practice through complete immersion. We would avoid speaking or texting as much as possible. One day, I messaged him during a downpour and asked him to pick me up. He told me to video-call him and repeat the question in sign language. After I struggled through a few clumsy attempts, he hung up on me. In the end, I walked home in the pouring rain and developed a fever of 104 degrees Fahrenheit that very night. When I begged him aloud to take me to the hospital, he merely looked at my hands to imply that I should sign it. I was too sick even to lift my arms. He waited for only a few seconds before rolling over and going back to sleep. Eventually, I learned. When an old injury flared up, I broke out in a cold sweat and signed with trembling hands. “My stomach hurts. I need to go to the hospital.” Ty smiled and pinched my cheek. “Not bad. But I’m taking Luna to an exhibition, so you’ll have to bear with it for now.” Luna Winter was a deaf girl he had met while volunteering. A moan escaped me as the pain intensified. He remained unmoved. “I don’t understand. Use sign language.” Tears streamed down my face. He was not trying to teach me sign language. He just did not want to hear my voice. That was fine. I was leaving. After that, even if he wanted to hear my voice, he never would again.