The Journey Home Series: Finding Forever

“Ro can you please come down we need to talk” I hear my mother yell from downstairs.

I looked around my room that I’ve only been living in for eight months, I am from a military family so we move around quite often. We’ve never stayed in a place long enough for my family and I to call it home. I wish I understood what it was like to grow up in a place and have friends that I’ve known longer than a few months, but instead I have many acquaintances that by the time I’m at the next city they don’t remember my name.

I walk out of my room and head downstairs looking over all the boxes and empty walls on my way to the kitchen. My mom is standing in the kitchen with her long blonde hair pulled up into a messy bun, she’s filling out some sort of paperwork and drinking coffee. When I walk around the corner she looks up at me and gives me a sad smile.

“Hey girly, how is packing going?” She says, while going back to doing her paperwork.

“Oh you know, just like every other time I’ve done it.”

“Rosey, I know this is hard and you were hoping this was the last time but you have to understand this is just how our life is right now

“Mom its not a big deal, I’m not the one that’s been moved around the most, you should feel bad for Bett, he’s dealt with it a lot more than I have.”

Bett is my older brother Barrett, he is one year and 11 months older than me and about ten years more patient, which is hard to believe because he’s sixteen. Barrett turned into Bett when I started talking, I couldn’t say his whole name, that’s about all I could get out that made sense to anyone and somehow it stuck. Of course he hates when anyone but our family calls him that, in public we have to call him Bear or Barrett he won’t respond to anything else.

“Your brother is perfectly fine, he understands why we do this, why can’t you.”

“Mom I do understand I never said anything about it you did, I just wish for once something could just stay permanent.”

“Sweetheart someday we will find our forever home and we won’t have to move anymore.”

“Yea, when I’m 18 and don’t have to live with you anymore.”

“Go get ready for school” my mother signs and puts her head in her hands leaning on the counter. I don’t mean to hurt her or to make her feel bad.

When I’m at the top of the stairs I look to my left where there is a tall mirror leaning against the wall, I look at it for a while picking out all the things I hate about myself besides my insides. I don’t know why I always feel so upset about us moving it’s not like I’m ever losing something.

While I’m sitting there still looking in the mirror my brother comes up behind me shaking his head at me. I turn around to look at him.

“What? Why are you doing that” I said making eye contact with my brother’s bright blue eyes.

“Why do you always have to fight with her or make her feel bad, don’t you think she does it enough to herself?” He says in a low voice, I’m guessing so my mother doesn’t hear, she hates when we fight or disagree.

“I don’t mean to, it all just comes out that way!” I say a little louder than I meant to.

“I hope you kids aren’t fighting up there, I’m really not in the mood for it!” Our mother yells from the kitchenl.

“Don’t worry mom we aren’t, just talking about packing” Bett says scolding me.

“Just get ready for school, and don’t be late, if I get a tardy notice for either one of you this morning I’m gonna start driving you to school!”

We hear her grab her keys and walk out the door. We both look at each other and then walk away to our rooms. I shut my door and turn around feeling my chest tighten and my eyes getting watery. I have no reason to cry but for some reason I really want to and I don’t know if I can stop it.

Tears start running down my face as I walk to my clothes that I set out last night for my last day at this school. All my other clothes are already packed away and ready to go in the truck that will be here later today. I start putting my clothes on, just a simple blue t-shirt and some boot cut jeans, then I put on one of my moms sweatshirts that got thrown in my room on laundry day, I wipe my tears and go to the bathroom.

•••

I’m sitting in Barrett’s truck looking out the window as we drive through this small town in the middle of South Carolina. It’s a weird place for my dad to get stationed but that’s where he is, we only get to see him on the weekends which sucks but we accept it and we love what we can get.

As we pull into a parking space all of my brother’s football teammates come surrounding his truck, waiting for him to get out. My brother has always been one of the oldest kids in his grade, his birthday being in August, so right now he is one of the only Sophomores with a drivers license. Where I am the youngest of my grade being born in July, I won’t get my license until the July after my sophomore year.

We open our doors to get out of the truck and all the guys are surrounding my brother asking him more questions than I can even process.

“Dude I can’t believe you are leaving us.”

“We are going to lose every game if you leave.”

“You can’t leave man.

“Where are you going again.”

“We are still going to talk right.”

My brother of course is able to answer every question that is thrown at him. Then of course, here comes the girls that Barrett keeps at a distant because he knew he couldn’t be in a relationship with them because it wouldn’t be long before we were moving again and he never wanted his first real relationship to end up long distance right after it starts.

Barrett and I may argue once in a while, honestly what siblings don’t fight, but we have always been each other’s closest friends. We talk about everything with one another, that is part of being the only permanent person in the other’s life. Barrett has told me many things he’s never been able to tell anyone because he never felt close enough to someone to tell them anything that personal. I know that there is one girl he met here at this school who he really likes but he’s pushed her away so many times she won’t even look at him anymore and I know that it hurts him more than he will let anyone know.

When I look up I see her sitting across the courtyard at a picnic table looking in our direction she looks sad but also annoyed, it hurts my heart for my brother but I know he will never talk to her again, especially with this being our last day at this school.

Since I’m still in middle school I walk across the street to my building while my brother walks toward the high school.

“Ro don’t forget to empty your locker at the end of the day” my brother yells to me and I look back at him and see the same sad look in his eyes that I am feeling.

“I won’t, see you later” I say and turn around and head into the building.

I chitchat with a couple people I made decent with during my time here and I go through my daily routine of classes. At the end of the day I throw everything into my bag or in the garbage and leave without saying goodbye to anyone. Ive learned real quick there is no point in making a scene about it especially when it’s just going to happen again in any amount of months.

Bett and I pull into the driveway and the moving truck is already there and full. Our mom is sitting on the porch waiting for us to show up, so we get out of the car and sit next to her while she finishes talking to the movers. When they leave and start heading to our next destination mom wraps her arms around both Bett and I, she gives us both a kiss on the head and sighs. After a couple minutes she stands up and starts walking to the black SUV.

“Rose you coming with me or Bett” she asks over her shoulder

“I’ll ride with you mama, can I switch over at our first stop?” I ask standing up jogging up behind her.

“Of course you can, I know these times are your decompressing time” she turns and looks over my head at my brother “please drive safe, stay close behind me if you can and remember people are crazy, we are going a long way so just watch out!”

“Yes mom, I got it, I will stay right behind you the whole time.” He says as he climbs into his truck and shuts the door.

Just like that we are on our way to Texas, to another town that will be added to the list of many that we will live in and leave.