Chapter Thirty-Three- The Things I Want

Kael’s POV

There were many things I had learned about being an Alpha.

I had learned how to command a room without raising my voice, how to negotiate with other Alphas without revealing my weaknesses, and how to recognize a threat before it reached the gates of Ironcrest.

I had learned to make difficult decisions, even when they cost me sleep but nothing had prepared me for the challenge of sharing a bedroom with my wife.

Especially when my wife seemed determined to make me work for every little piece of affection she offered.

I stood beside the bed, watching Aria remove the pins from her hair.

She had been unusually quiet since dinner, though not in an unpleasant way. Damon’s visit had clearly exhausted her, and I had resisted the urge to ask whether she was still thinking about him.

She would tell me if she wanted to. At least, that was what I kept reminding myself.

I loosened the buttons at my wrists and glanced at her reflection in the mirror.

“Do you remember the first time I had to discipline you?”

She stopped removing her pins.

Then she slowly turned to look at me.

“What?”

“The first time I had to discipline you.” I repeated.

Her eyes narrowed. “Why would you bring that up?”

“Because I was thinking about how much trouble you caused me when we were younger.”

“I did not cause you trouble.” She smiled.

I laughed. “Aria, you once climbed over the eastern wall because you wanted to prove you could reach the forest before anyone noticed you were missing.”

“That was one time.” She stole a glance at me.

“One time?” I repeated. “You disappeared into the forest, got yourself stuck in a muddy water, and then had the audacity to blame the guards for not finding you quickly enough.”

She gasped. “I was nine!”

“And apparently determined to give every adult in Ironcrest a heart attack.”

She snatched a pillow from the bed and threw it at me.

I caught it easily.

“Violence, Your Highness? Is that how the Luna of Ironcrest behaves?”

“Give me that pillow.” She demanded.

I held it behind my back. “Not until you admit that I was right to discipline you.”

“You were insufferable even back then.” She frowned.

“And yet, you never learned.” I shook my head slowly.

She marched toward me, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Kael.”

“Yes, Luna?” I smirked.

“Give me the pillow.” She stretched out her hand with a straight face.

“Ask nicely.” I said

She stared at me.

I stared back, then she smiled sweetly.

“Please give me the pillow before I remind everyone in this pack that their mighty Alpha used to cry when his father made him eat vegetables.”

My smile vanished. “That is a serious accusation.”

“Is it?” She raised a brow.

“You have no evidence.” I said with relief.

“I have an excellent memory.” She smirked.

I shook my head. “You are a menace.”

“And you married me.” The words slipped out of her mouth so casually that I almost forgot how to breathe.

She seemed to realize what she had said a moment later.

Her smile faltered slightly but mine did not.

“Yes,” I replied, tossing the pillow back onto the bed. “I did.”

For a brief moment, something tender passed between us.

Then she looked away, pretending to be interested in the remaining pins in her hair.

I turned toward the wardrobe to hide my smile.

Sometimes, Aria said things without realizing what they meant to me.

Sometimes, she reminded me that she had chosen to stay and sometimes, like now, she made me feel as though the years I had spent wanting her might finally lead somewhere worth going.

I had to remind myself not to rush it.

She was my wife, but she was still learning how to trust me and I was still learning how to love her without allowing my desire to become another demand she had to meet.

“So,” she said after a moment, “how many times did you actually discipline me?”

I glanced over my shoulder. “Do you want the official number or the number I remember?”

She laughed. “The official number.”

“Seventeen.” I said.

Her mouth fell open. “Seventeen?”

“Eighteen, if we count the time you released all the chickens from the kitchen enclosure because you thought they deserved more freedom.”

“They were miserable in there!” She pouted.

“They were chickens, Aria. Their greatest ambition was to eat and lay eggs.” I reminded her .

She burst into laughter that I couldn’t help joining her.

The memory was ridiculous, but I could still picture the chaos. The guards trying to catch the chickens, the servants attempting to keep the guests from laughing, and Aria standing in the corner with the most innocent expression I had ever seen.

She had insisted she knew nothing about it.

I had found a feather tucked into the sleeve of her dress later that evening.

“You were a terrible influence,” I told her.

She shook her head, still laughing.“You were just jealous because I was more interesting than you.”

“Jealous?” I raised a brow.

“You heard me.”

I walked toward the bed. “Aria, I was the most disciplined young wolf in this pack.”

She snorted. “You once broke your father’s favorite training sword because you were trying to show off in front of the warriors.”

I stopped as She grinned triumphantly.

I pointed at her. “You are enjoying this far too much.”

“I’m enjoying it the exact amount you deserve.” She tugged at her dress.

I shook my head and sat on the edge of the bed.

She climbed onto the mattress beside me, pulling her legs beneath her.

The sight made something inside me soften.

There was a time when I had dreamed of having moments like this with her.

Not ceremonies or political alliances. Not a Luna sitting stiffly beside her Alpha at a formal dinner.

Just Aria laughing beside me, talking about nonsense, and looking at me as though I were not a man she needed to fear disappointing.

I had spent years believing those moments belonged to a life I would never have.

Now, she was sitting beside me, smiling as she recalled the trouble we had caused as children.

I wanted to remember every second.

***********

We continued talking long after we should have been asleep.

Aria reminded me of the time I had fallen into the training pond while trying to impress the older warriors.

I reminded her that she had laughed so hard she had nearly fallen in after me.

She insisted she had been trying to help.

She threw another pillow at me. This time, I let it hit my chest.

She laughed again, and I found myself smiling more than I had in days.

Eventually, the conversation drifted away from our childhood and toward the pack.

She asked whether the youngest warriors were still struggling with their defensive formations. I told her they were improving, although one of them had apparently decided that charging headfirst into an opponent was a reasonable strategy.

Aria laughed. “Sounds familiar.”

I turned toward her. “Are you suggesting that I used to charge headfirst into my opponents?”

“You used to charge headfirst into everything.” She shrugged. “You once challenged a boy twice your size because he called you slow.”

“He was insulting my training.” I looked away, embarrassed.

She covered her mouth, laughing.

I looked at her for a long moment.“What?”

Her laughter faded slightly. “What are you looking at?”

“You.” I whispered.

She rolled her eyes. “Very observant.”

“I’ve been told it’s one of my strengths.” I said proudly.

“By whom?” She asked with worry in her eyes.

“Myself.”

She laughed again.

I had missed the sound of her laughter more than I had ever allowed myself to admit.

For years, I had carried memories of Aria like something precious and painful. I remembered her racing through the corridors, arguing with the trainers, and sneaking into the kitchen whenever the cooks prepared something she liked.

I remembered how easily she had once filled every corner of my life before she had left and the packhouse had become unbearably quiet in all the places where I used to hear her laughter.

I had told myself that I would never allow her absence to affect me again.

Yet here she was, lying beside me, and I found myself wondering how I had survived so long without her.

She noticed my silence. “Where did you go?”

I blinked. “What?”

“You were smiling, and then you started looking as though someone had died.”

I let out a quiet laugh. “Nothing.”

“Kael.” She gave me a knowing smile.

I turned toward her. She was watching me with the same curiosity she had possessed as a child.

I could have told her the truth.

I could have said that I was remembering how much I had missed her, how many nights I had spent convincing myself that I no longer cared whether she returned.

But I didn’t want to turn a happy evening into a conversation about the past.

So I reached for the blanket and pulled it over my legs.

“I was thinking about how much trouble you used to cause.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Liar.”

I smiled. “Perhaps.”

She studied me for another moment, then seemed to decide she would let it go.

Instead, she shifted closer and rested her head against the pillow.

The movement was small but I noticed it.

I noticed everything about her these days.

The way she sometimes reached for my hand before remembering that she had once promised herself not to depend on me.

The way she watched me when she thought I wasn’t looking.

The way she had begun to laugh more freely in my presence and the way she still hesitated whenever affection threatened to become something deeper.

I didn’t blame her.

Trust was not a switch she could turn on simply because I had finally started behaving like the man she deserved.

I had hurt her. I had taken a choice from her that should never have been mine to take.

If I wanted her to believe she was safe with me, I had to prove it in the moments when doing so cost me something.

Even when that something was what I wanted most.

***********

The packhouse gradually became quiet.

The servants finished their duties and retired to their quarters. The distant footsteps in the corridor grew less frequent until even the guards seemed to move with a softer rhythm.

Somewhere outside, a wolf howled.

Aria turned her head toward the window.

“I love that sound.”

I looked at her. “The howling?”

She nodded. “It reminds me that I’m home.”

The words settled into me.

I remembered the first time I had heard her say she wanted to leave Ironcrest. I remembered the anger, the helplessness, and the terrible certainty that I was losing her before I had ever been brave enough to tell her how I felt.

Now, she was lying beside me, speaking about home as though she finally understood what it meant to belong somewhere.

I reached for her hand and She allowed me to take it.

“I’m glad you’re home,” I said.

She looked at me. For a moment, neither of us spoke.

Then she smiled softly. “So am I.”

I wanted to kiss her. The thought arrived with such force that I had to look away.

She was close enough that I could feel the warmth of her body beside mine. Her hair had fallen across the pillow, and the faint scent of her wolf filled the space between us.

My wolf stirred. It had been restless all evening, but I had managed to keep it quiet beneath the easy comfort of our conversation.

Now, with Aria lying beside me, smiling as though she trusted me enough to let her guard down, my restraint became considerably more difficult.

I wanted to touch her face. I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her until the distance between us disappeared.

I wanted to hold my wife without having to remind myself that wanting her did not mean she was ready to be wanted in every way.

My body had its own opinion about the matter.

I shifted slightly beneath the blanket, hoping she wouldn’t notice, but she noticed.

Aria had always been far too observant when it suited her.

Her eyes moved over my face, then dropped briefly before returning to mine.

A faint flush rose along her cheeks.

“Kael.”

I cleared my throat. “Yes?”

She pressed her lips together, fighting a smile. “You’re very quiet all of a sudden.”

“I’m thinking.” I whispered.

“About what?”

“Several important matters.” I looked at her.

She laughed. The sound was soft, but the amusement in her eyes made my wolf pace impatiently inside me.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“You know exactly what.”

Her smile grew. “Perhaps I do.”

I shook my head. “You enjoy tormenting me.”

She nodded solemnly. “Very little.”

I let out a breath that was almost a laugh.

The truth was, I could have spent the rest of the night teasing her. I could have continued making jokes until she fell asleep beside me, and I would have considered it a good evening.

But my desire had grown too strong to ignore completely.

I turned toward her. “Aria.”

Something in my voice made her smile fade.

“Yes?”

I hesitated. There were many things I wanted to ask her, but I didn’t want to make her feel cornered.

So I chose the simplest truth.

“I want to kiss you.”

Her eyes widened slightly. For a moment, she said nothing.

Then she glanced down at our joined hands.

“You can kiss me,” she said quietly.

Hope rose in my chest.

I lifted my free hand and gently brushed a strand of hair away from her face. She watched me, her expression uncertain but not fearful.

I leaned closer and my lips met hers in a soft kiss. For a brief moment, everything inside me settled.

Then she kissed me back, and the fragile peace I had been holding onto became something much more difficult to maintain.

I wanted more. I wanted to deepen the kiss, draw her closer, and forget every reason I had to be patient.

My hand rested against her cheek.

She remained close for another moment before gently pulling away.

I stopped immediately

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

I frowned. “Why are you apologizing?”

She looked uncomfortable. “Because I know you want more than that.”

I let my hand fall to the blanket.

“Aria, you don’t have to apologize for stopping.”

“I know. It’s just…” She took a breath.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you.”

I looked at her carefully. “Then tell me what you do want.”

Her gaze softened. “I want this. I want to be close to you. I want to spend time with you without feeling as though every moment has to lead somewhere.”

I nodded slowly. “All right.”

She swallowed. “But I’m not ready for pups, Kael.”

There it was. The boundary she had made clear before our wedding.

I had known it was coming. I had known that if I allowed myself to hope for more, there was a chance she would stop me.

Knowing it didn’t make the disappointment any easier.

My wolf lowered its head, restless and frustrated.

I wanted children with Aria. I wanted a family, a future, and the chance to give her the happiness I had once imagined from a distance.

But wanting those things didn’t mean I could demand them from her.

Not now, and not ever.

I drew a slow breath. “I understand.”

She searched my face. “Do you?You’re disappointed.”

I almost smiled at the way she said it, as though she had caught me doing something wrong.

“Of course I’m disappointed.”

Her expression fell. I reached for her hand before she could misunderstand.

“Not because you’ve done anything wrong. I’m disappointed because I want things you aren’t ready for yet. Those are my feelings to manage, Aria. They aren’t your responsibility to fix.”

She stared at me.

I continued before I could lose my nerve.

“I want you. I want a family with you one day. But I don’t want you agreeing to something because you’re afraid I’ll be upset if you say no.”

Her eyes softened. “And if I’m not ready for a long time?”

“Then I wait.” The answer came more easily than I expected.

Perhaps because, in one way or another, I had been waiting for her most of my life.

She lowered her gaze. “I don’t want you to feel as though I’m keeping you from the life you want.”

“You’re not.” I cut in immediately.

“But you want pups.” She swallowed. “And I can’t promise when I’ll be ready.”

She was quiet for a moment.

Then she squeezed my hand. “Thank you.”

I brushed my thumb over her knuckles.

“You don’t have to thank me for respecting your choice.”

“I know.” She paused. “But I still want to.”

Something warm settled in my chest.

I leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“Then you’re welcome.”

She smiled faintly. For a moment, I thought she might move closer again.

Instead, she adjusted the blanket around herself and settled against her pillow.

I watched her for a few seconds before turning onto my side of the bed.

The disappointment remained.

My body was still restless, and my wolf was decidedly unhappy with the situation. I could feel its frustration beneath my skin, a persistent reminder of everything I wanted and couldn’t have tonight.

But Aria was lying beside me.

She had laughed with me, shared stories from our childhood, and allowed me to kiss her without fear that I would demand more.

That mattered more than my frustration and more than the future I wanted to rush toward.

I closed my eyes.

“Kael?” Her voice came softly from beside me.

I opened them again. “Yes?”

“Are you angry with me?”

The question hurt more than I expected.

I turned onto my back so I could look at her.

“No, Aria.”

“You seem…” She began

“Defeated?” I offered.

She let out a small, guilty laugh. “A little.”

I smiled despite myself. “That’s because you have a remarkable talent for winning arguments without even trying.”

She laughed again, and the sound eased something inside me.

Then I reached across the small space between us and took her hand.

“I’m not angry with you,” I said. “I promise.”

She studied me for a moment before nodding.

“Goodnight, Kael.”

“Goodnight, Aria.” I turned back onto my side.

The room grew quiet around us.

I listened to her breathing gradually slow, and eventually, I heard the soft rustle of the blanket as she settled more comfortably into the mattress.

I wanted to turn toward her. I wanted to pull her close and fall asleep with her in my arms.

But I remained where I was not because I didn’t want her, and because I was finally beginning to understand that loving Aria meant learning to live with the space between what I wanted and what she was ready to give.

I had spent years waiting for her to return.

I could wait a little longer for everything else. As sleep began to claim me, I felt her fingers brush mine beneath the blanket.

I opened my eyes. She was already half asleep, her hand resting near mine as though she had reached for me without thinking.

I didn’t move. I simply let my fingers curl gently around hers.

It wasn’t the future I had imagined and It wasn’t the family I hoped we would have one day.

But it was a beginning and for tonight, that was enough.