Keeping her

EAGAN

"Everyone's talking about what you did at the event, boss." Liam informs as I step into the house, tipsy as hell. 

The auction ended a few hours ago and I headed to one of my nightclubs for a few drinks. 

Liam notices my tipsy state and backs away. My heavy eyes fall on the couch and I go to it, slumping with a dragged sigh.

"What are they saying? That I lost my fucking mind?" My voice oozes with dry sarcasm. 

"Yes, Boss. They think you're insane for bidding that much for her. Now, they're trying to figure out what's in it for you."

"Nosy bastards!" For someone like me who sticks my nose into everyone's shit, it's rich to call someone else 'nosy'.

But I'll give anything to make them forget what I did tonight and that they ever laid their eyes on Astrid. 

I want the memories of her, cleaned off from the minds of every bastard present in the event. 

She was almost naked. That shit still pisses me off. I always fantasize about what she looks like behind those oversized, tacky clothes she wears at the orphanage. 

Many times I get lost in undressing her with my eyes. One time I was tempted to sneak up to the room she shares with her sisters. God knows how hard it was for me to put a fucking leash on my obsession and walk away.

Now all that fantasizing, and I get to see a bit more of her tonight. But then I share the sight with over a thousand, horny bastards. That's shitty as fuck. It leaves a hungry growl in the middle of my chest. A clenching hollow that can only be pacified when I slit the throat of every man who was present at the event.

"Did you make a head count of everyone present at that shitty auction?"

I wait for a reply. None came. I turn my head in his direction. Liam is giving me a weird, confused stare.

"You didn't hear me?"

"I did, boss. It's just…" he gulps, adjusting his tie. "You're not planning on killing everyone that was there, are you?

"I am. I wanna slit their goddamn throats and make a pillow out of them. Did you get a fucking number?!"

"Boss, you can't…"

"Did you get a number or not, Liam?!" I bark, standing and stomping a foot.

"Yes, fuck yes. But you can't kill everyone. That's gonna be too messy. You just killed the last member of The Bale's family. The news of his death will be out soon. You don't wanna add more killings to that. You could get the wrong attention and everything we've worked so hard for will come crashing down…"

"I'm smothered with rage, Liam. I'm fucking on the edge of bursting into pieces. I can't be logical right now. I fucking can't."

"You gotta try, boss. Please. Let it go. For now. Let's not get messy."

Fuck this!

I run my hand through my hair, trying to control my rage. He's right. But that doesn't change anything. I'm still gonna do what I want.

"I don't care how long it takes, but they're all gonna die, every one of them that saw her tonight…"

"Uh, Including me?" Liam asks with an arched brow.

I throw him a glare. "Keep talking and you're surely gonna be on that list."

"I'm sorry, boss."

For someone as tipsy as I am, I shouldn't be craving for more drinks. But I can't help it. I move to my small bar and pour myself and another glass of brandy.

"What are you gonna do with her?" Liam asks, picking his words like he's trying not to offend me.

"I don't know." I take a chug of my drink. "I just know that I can't let her go."

"Why not?" 

"Because she knows the real me now, shit-face! She fucking knows that I'm Eagan King. What's gonna happen if she goes back to the orphanage and tells everyone there about it?"

"You don't want them finding out about your true identity?"

"Isn't it fucking obvious? Why the hell did I hide my identity in the first place?"

"Yeah, why did you? I've been curious about that."

"Because I didn't wanna scare them off, stupid!" I yell, tightening my grip around the glass. "Everyone knows the dread my name brings to people. I didn't want them to feel that. There's no pleasure in igniting dread in the hearts of a bunch of innocent sisters. That's a pussy-ass move. I'm above that."

I pour myself another drink, taking a walk back to the couch. Liam is next to me, still giving me that quizzical stare.

I sip my drink in silence, wandering in my damning thoughts. My insides are churning from my lies. Well, they're not exactly lies. But fuck it, they're far from the real truth too.

Sure, I don't want her ratting me out to the folks at the orphanage but that's not why I'm insisting on keeping her. It isn't about the fact that I bought her either. It's way beyond that.

For the longest time, I've had an insane obsession for her but I never tried to approach her. I kept my fucking distance, hoping fate brings her my way someday. And now that I have her in my claws, I can't seem to muster the courage to send her away.

I've teetered on that thought tonight and I ended up feeling like shit. There's no way I'm letting her go. 

I'd rather shoot myself in the leg than let her go because they're both gonna hurt the same. But I'm pretty sure letting her go would hurt more. 

Astrid Sage has me around her little pinky and that's a fucked up place to be. But I got no objection. As long as she stays fucking close to me. Here. 

"I'll be going to my room, Liam. Make sure everyone is in position. I don't want any ugly surprises tonight."

He bows and I walk right past him, heading for the stairs.

"Uh, boss!" I turn with a frustrated groan. "Are you gonna talk to her? Give her some kind of explanation?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you owe it to her?" He retorts. "She just got the shock of her life when she found out who you really are. And you bought her right after. I'm sure she's having a hard time digesting all that shock. Maybe a little talk will help." 

Liam Ridge remains the only guy who can flat-out call me out on my shit and I don't take offense. He has a raw boldness and fucking principles, and I wonder sometimes how he puts up with my devilish ways. 

I head to my bedroom, buried in agonizing thoughts. I've never cowered from anything and anyone, no matter how huge and frightening they might look.

I trained myself to face every challenge that comes at me, with a more ferocious energy. But right now, I'm cowering from talking with her.

I don't want her to give me that stare again. The one she gave me back at the auction when I was untying her.

It wasn't the usual fascinated stare she gave me at the orphanage. Her stares were filled with dread, horror, and anger. Rage. Indignant rage. And she was judging me. Her damn, blue eyes were calling me a monster. I could hear them speak. Just like every other stare I get when I walk by. 

I hate it. I hate that she looked at me that way. Everyone else can look at me like that, but not her. Not my little, sexy doll. 

Her eyes grated at my beastly heart, almost forcing it to bleed. For the first time, I hated the horrid shadow that lurks around me. I hated the monster tag. I almost hated myself at that moment.

If I could rewind the time, I would make it so that she would not be in that auction. Then she wouldn't find out who I really am and she'd still look at me in that fascinated way.

Her soft sobs waft from the room next to mine. I stop right at the door, but I can't go in. 

I request that she be put in a room next to mine because I need to keep her close. But I never thought I would be subjected to the torturing sounds of her cries.

I never imagined I would ever make her cry. Not like this at least. She could cry from pleasure and maybe, when I thrust into her. But not this. 

It's fucking upsetting listening to her sobs and with no second thought, I push the door open, storming inside the room.