Chapter-31 Middle Ground (Part 1)

Gianna

I was breathless and lost. One moment I was arguing with Nico, and the next moment I was sitting on his lap, holding onto his shirt for dear life as he devoured my lips like a Thanksgiving meal. I could feel his anger, his annoyance and maybe even his possession with every stroke of his tongue and every brush of his lips. And even if I was mad as hell, somehow my body responded to it, meeting his angst with a version of my own.

“Why do you keep making me so mad? I have no idea,” Nico grunted, pulling away and holding my face in his hands.

“This is not how you resolve an argument, Nico,” I breathed.

“I never had needed to resolve any argument before,” he answered, brushing his thumb across my lips. “Now tell me…why didn’t you want me to know about this?” I gazed into his eyes and was captivated by their depth. Like a dark ocean. He was beautiful.

“You were the first person I called when I found out,” I said, not bothering to hide the hurt that I had felt mirrored back in my eyes. “But your phone was switched off, and of course, you didn’t come home.”

Nico blinked at me, looking surprised. And guilty. Good, at least he could feel that. He exhaled deeply and pinched his eyes.

“I was preoccupied,” he murmured, gazing up at me. “So much so that I forgot even to charge my phone. Things…things went to shit a bit and I just couldn’t think.” He sounded honest, and I knew he was. The strain in his voice was real.

“Wh…what happened to that guy? Did you find out anything?” I didn’t want to know, but I can see he could with someone to talk to.

“He’s dead but…I believe you assumed that already,” Nico said. “And he left us with false leads. That’s what we have been chasing for the last three days. And all for nothing.”

“I am sorry,” I said, not sure what else I could add. “That’s messed up. But everything will be alright.”

“It has to,” he grimaced, rubbing his face.

“You haven’t slept in three days, have you?” I demanded. Up close, he looked exhausted. Nico shook his head.

“You should get some sleep then,” I started to climb off his lap, but he grabbed my arm, holding me back.

“Why didn’t you want to tell me today, though? Why didn’t you tell me about the dinner?” he frowned.

“Because I wasn’t sure if you would be even interested in knowing or would come and I…I needed to keep my head straight before I told Leo. I didn’t want any emotional chaos. This is a huge milestone in my life. I have always wanted this and Leo…he is…”

“I understand,” Nico nodded slowly. “I haven’t set great examples anyway.”

“I am sorry…I should have invited you to the dinner,” I said. “But…now you know, and even if you’re apprehensive about Maximus, you have to trust me. I cannot let go of this opportunity, Nico.” His face hardened, but after taking a couple of deep breaths, he nodded.

“Fine. If you trust him,” he said, neither looking nor sounding convinced. “I won’t meddle with your goals and ambitions. I respect them, and I would always want you to succeed.”

“Thanks,” I managed a small smile. “I appreciate that.”

“Let’s go home,” he said, gently helping me down onto his lap.

I knew he was going to brood about this. And maybe he should. But was his unnecessary hatred born out of some sort of feeling towards me, or did he think I was just an idiot who needed to be taken care of?

“I need to freshen up and grab my clothes, and then I will let you be,” I said, lingering by the walk-in door as Nico started to undress. I quickly scooted inside before he could respond or I could get a glimpse of his sinful body, grabbing my night clothes instead.

“We didn’t talk about last night,” Nico muttered, leaning by the walk-in door. I turned around to face him, and he gave me a look, folding his arms across his chest. I tried not to gawk at how bloody sexy he was or the ripple in those beautiful muscles every time he moved.

“What do you mean?” I demanded, feigning nonchalance. Nico’s eyes darkened, and I gulped as he took a purposeful step towards me, his eyes never leaving mine.

“You know what I mean,” he said. “Don’t act innocent, Gianna.”

“What is there to talk about?” I said. “We had sex…it didn’t mean anything.” It gave me immense pleasure when Nico’s eyes widened in surprise very briefly before the cold mask came on again. He wasn’t expecting me to say that. And neither was I.

“And I would like to repeat that,” he murmured, almost looming above me.

“You did…if you remember this morning,” I said.

“And that’s what I want to know…do you want this too?” he asked, his expression deadly serious. “Do you mean it when you said you want just sex and nothing more?”

No. I want you to love me!

“This morning wouldn’t have happened had I not,” I said, pushing down the word vomit that threatened to pour out. But I needed to play it right because Teresa’s plan…it was working. Nico could only feel safe to come closer when he knew I was not expecting anything from him in return. Especially not love.

“But you said…” he trailed off, but I knew what he was implying.

“Is that on the table for us?” I asked, raising a brow.

“No,” he mumbled, lowering his gaze and looking guilty. “Gianna, I…”

“We need to make this marriage work one way or another, Nico,” I said, cutting him off. “Especially now with all the mess that’s going on. And since we clearly can’t make it work my way…let’s try yours. There needs to be something we can anchor this marriage to Nico, otherwise it would just…become, well, what it has been so far, and that is not something I can live with for the rest of my life.” Nico blinked, looking very surprised and a bit lost.

“This is our middle ground, and am okay with it,” I added. “I mean, last night and this morning…it was amazing. I’d rather have that than your silence. Or your running.” I gave him a look before heading for the bathroom.

“You know this…this isn’t about you, right?” he said, his voice gentle but heavy. I could sense the guilt in it. I turned around and frowned, not sure what he meant.

“What?”

“Don’t ever feel that my inability to…to love you has got something to do with you, Gianna,” he murmured, reaching out to caress my cheek. “It’s me…I am the one incapable of love. You’re amazing, absolutely incredible and worthy of so much more than someone like me. You always have been.”

My throat tightened, and every part of me wanted to scream at him that he was wrong. That he was as worthy of me as I was of him and that he needed to put me down of whatever fucking pedestal he was placing me on. But again, I can’t talk him into realizing his worth.

Eventually, and over time, if he lets me in, I can show him that I love him just as he is and that he is every bit worthy of it.

Because he was.