THE scene was like knives being stabbed in my chest multiple times. It killed me. Big time. I felt my tears slowly falling down my cheeks nonstop at what I am watching right now. They made all the way to the long couch without breaking the kiss. He laid the unfamiliar girl on the couch as his hands roamed all over the girl’s body while the girl’s hand was clinging unto his nape.
I wanted to get out where I was hiding and slap their faces but it feels like my feet were being glued on the floor. I couldn’t move. I was too shocked to even react at the moment.
“Anniversary, huh?” I heard the girl speak. I guess she saw the decorations I made on the wall.
“Don’t mind it. Let’s just continue,” my boyfriend said.
Why? Why did you do this, Felix? I thought… I couldn’t accept it. It broke my heart into a million pieces when I heard the girl call my boyfriends name in a soft moan. It hurts like hell.
“Where is your girlfriend?” the slut asked like she didn’t just moan my boyfriend’s name.
“Stop asking about her.” Damn it hurts.
I wanted to laugh at him. I am here you jerk! But I couldn’t even open my mouth to speak. It feels like my tongue was being cut so I couldn’t talk, so I couldn’t stop them from doing what they are doing.
“Why? You love her, right?”
“But I love you most,” he replied which made me cry more. My heart already broke into pieces but I felt like it broke more. He said it like he was just giving a piece of candy to a little girl.
“Fuck me!” the girl again let out a scream.
“I’m not yet done, babe,” I heard him say in a sweet voice. Shit! Why won’t you just kill me instead of seeing and hearing this?! My tears continue falling and wiping them is no use.
“Can you just tell her- ah!” the sudden girl screamed and won’t be able to continue what she was trying to say. I couldn’t see them now because I was so damn tired to even move. I couldn’t bear seeing them fucking inside our apartment. It was enough hearing them scream each other’s names while fucking.
I was so broken but still, a part of me was hoping that this was just a dream and I badly want to wake up because it really hurts like hell. I couldn’t take the pain anymore.
“Felix! You’re so good!” the girl moans again his name. And I was just there, hiding, and silently crying as I heard them scream each other’s names and let them silently shatter my heart into millions of pieces.
After of who knows how long when I heard Felix’s voice.
“Get your clothes and leave.”
“Wow. You seriously commanded me like we didn’t fuck,” the girl sarcastically said. I bet they’re done doing unnecessary things in my back. Tsk! Is this what they are doing when I’m not around? Is this it, Felix?
“Can’t you just lead me outside and help me get a taxi?”
“My girlfriend is coming. Now get your clothes and leave,” Felix said in an authoritative voice.
I wanted to go out and slap him but I was so broken. I was tired of crying but my tears continue to fall down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop it. I was so tired to move. I don’t want him to see me. I don’t want to let him know that I just heard them scream each other’s name. I was just… too tired.
I heard their footsteps and a door being closed. I bet the girl finally go home. After a couple of minutes, I heard again a door being open and closed. I guess Felix go to his room to change. I laughed in the back of my mind. Of course, he would take a bath and change so I wouldn’t notice that there is something wrong going on with him.
Sad to say, Felix. I’m wiser playing this game of yours.
I silently went out of where I am hiding and silently opened the door to get out of that damn apartment where my boyfriend just made out with the other girl. Really, Felix? In OUR apartment?
I turned off my phone. I’m sure Felix will call me or message me after he made himself happy. I greeted my teeth and called a taxi and tell the driver the address of my best friend. I don’t care if I’m in a mess right now. I just badly wanted to get out of that hell place. It was past 10 PM.
I was silently walking until I get to Bella’s condo. I could feel the people’s eyes looking at me because of my look. Yeah, I know I’m in a mess. But I don’t care. I was just tired from all the cries. Please, if this was just a dream, please wake me up right now. I reached Bella's floor and I was in front of her door. With all the strength that I still got, I knock.
After three knocks I heard the door being opened. I lift up my head and I could see how Bella’s eyes widened when she saw how I look like.
Her mouth parted with eyes wide. “What happened to you?!” I didn’t respond and just let her pull me to get inside.
She leads me inside and makes me sit on the couch in the living room.
“Care to tell me what actually happened and why your eyes were puffy from all the crying, Audrey?” I still didn’t open my mouth to speak.
And then, I remember it again. Their voice that’s screaming each other’s names echoed inside my head. The scenario I saw was how they tasted each other’s lips. And there it is, I feel again my eyes watered while the scenario replayed inside my head.
Bella who’s beside me hugs me tightly like she knows what happened.
“Hush. It’s okay. You will get through all of this,” she said and made looked at her, she wiped my tears. I am crying again. I thought that I have left no tears to cry but I guess I was wrong.
“I just love him but why does it seem that he was just playing?” I asked.
“That Felix really didn’t change after all,” she greeted her teeth. “We will make him pay!” she angrily said.
I faced her. “Can I stay here?”
“Of course! I told you that you are welcome here,” she stated and I smiled at her.
I’m glad that I have her. No matter how stupid I was in love, she’s still here, willing to protect me at all cost.
I stayed at Bella’s place. She let me use her unused pajamas. She also made me sleep in the room where it was supposed for me before until I moved in with Felix’s apartment. I bet Bella’s partly happy right now because I’m going to stay with her again. After all, she’s the one who wanted me to just stay with her place since it was big enough for us.
I find it hard for me to sleep because I couldn’t help myself but cry again. God, when will I stop crying? The scenario couldn’t stop playing inside my head. I could still remember what I saw, how Felix's lips tasted that girl’s lips, and how they screamed each other’s name in pleasure. Fuck it!
I grab my phone from the bedside table and turned it on. I choose nice background music and let it play until I fall into a deep sleep.
I wake up at 7 AM the morning. I walked inside the bathroom and was about to fix myself when I suddenly remembered that I came here with only just my phone, myself and my wallet. I brushed my teeth and comb my hair. I noticed that the toiletries were still complete when I’m still staying here before. I smiled.
I went to the kitchen, still in my pajamas, and saw my best friend occupied with what she was doing.
“Morning,” I greeted.
She turned around and saw me sitting in one of the chairs. She looked at me intently.
“What? I don’t have clothes remember? It’s all in Felix’s apartment,” I answered.
Then I realized how well I’m gonna get my things in there. I know that he’s there and I couldn’t afford to see him after what he did.
“Right. Did he contact you?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I turned off my phone and still didn’t bother to open it,” I explained.
I know he will call me and flood me with text messages that’s why I didn’t bother to turn my phone on. When I turned it on last night, I saw a lot of notifications but decided to ignore them. I can’t bear reading where it came from because I know I would just see Felix’s flooded my inbox.
Let's see until when and where he could bear. He wants to hide and seeks? Then I’ll give it to him.
:)
WE were done eating our breakfast and I just came out from the shower. Bella bought me clothes so I could wear something nice. She insisted and didn’t let me stay with my pajamas on. She was really hospitable when it comes to her visitors.“I will just stay inside here anyway, so why bother buying me clothes?”She rolled her eyes. “You need to take a bath, duh?” And in the end, she really won.When I came out of my room, I saw her sitting in the living room, facing her laptop. Every graduating student is indeed busy. I was busy too but I’m almost done with all of my requirements so I’m not in the rush hour anymore. Just a few more weeks and I’ll finally get that diploma.“Done?” she asked when she noticed my presence.I nodded and turned my phone on and I was right with Felix who really flooded my inbox but I didn’t bother to open it. How dare he.“Felix message
BELLA came back to the condo with my things. I don’t really have that so many clothes to the point that they won’t fit in one closet. It wasn’t that really hassle for her since she have her own car her parents gave her a gift on her last birthday.I help her carry the bags with my things. “What did you tell him by the way?” I curiously asked. Felix won’t believe such a thing especially seeing my best friend packing up my things. He’s not stupid.She shrugged. “He’s not there,” she replied.I raised a brow to her reply. “What do you mean he’s not there?” I grab the last bag and she’s the one who closes the door of the car.“I knock multiple times but no one opened the door, guess he’s not there,” she explained as I followed her walking back to her room.“Really? Then how did you get these?” I referred to the things that we’re
DO you know the saying expect the unexpected? I also thought that we could be happy until we reach our dreams together. Just a few more weeks and we’ll finally get the diploma that we both wanted. After that, he promised to travel around the world with me. He said a lot of promises to me and there I am, happy and hoping that he could fulfill his promises to me. I was the happiest when he said that he will marry me after we graduate. But all of the hopes vanish in the air just like a bubble. I expect him to fulfill all of the promises he said. I guess too much expectation will just really hurt you in the end. It will hurt you big time. “Listen to me, Astia, I am telling the truth. There was no sign of you in the apartment. Just those decors for our anniversary. I know you decorated them when you go home at lunchtime like the other special days,” he explained but I just shake my head slowly. The confusion in his eyes was very evident as I continue to s
THREE days had passed since that encounter with Felix happened. Three days had passed since Felix and I broke up. Since that encounter with him happened, I told myself that I will be back with my old self again but I didn’t know that it will be that hard for me. Come to think of it, we were together for years, building our dreams together and with one mistake he made, our relationship collapsed. With one mistake he made… we broke up. With one mistake… we shattered into pieces.For years that we were together, we were used to each other’s company. Sleep in the same apartment, celebrated special days together, build dreams together, and now that we broke up, how can I get back to my old self?In that three days, I was trying to find my old self. I asked myself what are the things I do before I met him so I could do those things again now that he is now out of my life. It was hard. It was just three days since we broke up but I could say that it
THEY say that your eyes explain what you feel when your mouth can’t and that’s why I am feeling right now. I don’t know what to say. I tried to hold on to my tears from falling down my face but as we stared at each other, it made me hard from stopping them from falling any minute now.I slowly shake my head as we continued staring at each other. I want to take off my eyes from him but it seems that my eyes don’t want to, it seems that my eyes were glued onto him. I wish he could see right now the pain in my eyes. That it hurts like hell.“I c-can’t… f-forgive y-you,” then my voice broke as I felt something rolling down my face. Damn these tears! I want them to stop falling but they just can’t. I take off my eyes from staring because I can’t hold them anymore.It hurts that every time I would look at him I could only remember what he had just done. Their voice moans each other’s names. The picture
FROM: Felix I will win you again, Astia. I will. I didn’t reply to his message and just put my phone back on the bedside table. I sighed heavily and brushed my hair using my fingers. He will win me back? Well then, good luck to him. He won’t get me back. I won’t let him. One mistake is enough and I don’t want to get myself being trap again. He was once a jerk in his life and he doesn’t deserve me. He doesn’t. There’s a saying, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So I won’t get back to him. Never. He will just waste his time running after me so if I were him, just let me go for good. If he truly loves me, he won’t do that thing in the first place. Now that we broke up, he will go after me? Is he insane? Did he realize that he love me after I let go of him? I sarcastically inside my mind. This isn’t a game, Felix. Only you know love her when
“LET me ask you this if you saw me kissing another guy, will you forgive me?” I painfully asked him as tears poured from my eyes. I really hate these tears. I could see from my peripheral vision some people who passed by look at us. Oh, I just catch my ex-boyfriend cheating on me that’s why I am crying. “Damn it, Felix! Yes! You made ONE mistake! But that mistake was I saw you kissing another girl and fucking her.” I was just stopping myself from shouting out loud since we aren’t in the right place. “I’m sorry,” then bowed his head. Here he is again with his sorry. “I’m tired of hearing your sorry, Felix…” I paused. “I don’t want to hear that again because even if you continue saying sorry for doing that mistake,” I shake my head slowly. “Your sorry won’t change the fact that you did that thing. Your sorry won’t turn back time and change everything that happened.” Yes, I love him but maybe that was the way for me to get back myself and
I'M not really a drinker but the heartbreak my ex-boyfriend gave me made me want to get wasted tonight. I just finished my second glass when I roam my eyes around the place only to see some people are now wasted. Just like us, they are here to kill time, chill, and relax, for them to forget their problems even if it is just in a short period of time. If lately I badly wanted to wear a hoodie, now even if I ended up wearing a t-shirt, I find myself being out of place but I think it’s okay since I could also see some people wearing the same outfit like mine.Right, I am here because I wanted to get out of my shell and forget about what happened why I am crying for how many goddamn days. Well, I think I am crying for at least one week? I don’t know. It isn’t necessary to count how many days I have been crying anyway.I had my third glass when I turned my head towards my best friend who seems busy drinking. She’s been drinking one glas