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Chapter 8
I stand stiff as each second feels like an hour. David waits for me to argue back, but I don't know what to say. I have nothing to do but stand here and hope that all the world falls away to finally find peace in nothingness. Then I don't have to be anyone. I'd have no promises to keep, no feelings to ignore, or dreams to conquer.
"I know," I breathe.
He stares at me as if begging the tears building in my eyes to stay there. "You don't have to, Brigette."
"I do. I have to."
David shakes his head and moves closer, and on instinct, I quickly move back. "Why do you have to?"
"I-I just do. It's late. I have to go back to my, um, the room."
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"Look who's here," Helena announces when she hears David enter the house. I lift my head from the counter and drop the cloth from my forehead. She takes the cooled thing from me then peers into the hallway. "We are in here," she calls to him. I bite my lip and dread the second he appears in the archway. I don't know what he's thinking after last night, and if Helena weren't here cooking me dinner, I would be safe in my bedroom. I'm sure the last thing he wants is to come home after a long day just to hear aboutmyheadache. How could my head hurt? All I've done is wake up and listen to Jeremy talk. Helena comes back in with David just behind her. She points to me and says, "Brigette isn't feeling well, aren't you? It's her head."
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I used to ask my mother how much paint we can layer on the walls of a room before the room starts to shrink. I thought that if we kept changing our minds, if we kept putting on new colors, then eventually we would have no room to move or—or breathe. In the shower, before mystylistarrives, I think I'm going to be sick. I bend over and face the stone floor with my hands on my knees, taking deep breaths to calm the riot in my stomach. It's anxiety. The last thing I want is to be at a table with David, a Luna, and an Alpha that appears to rule a pack from the underworld. I wonder if this is what David did at my old pack. Did he have dinner with my Alpha and Luna? Did he run the border and have meetings and—I know he attended a dinner party. When did he start to feel me? When was I close enough to trigger something ins
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I wish something would take me away. I'll stick my feet out from under the blanket and hope that something grabs onto them. I hope this thing whisks me off, takes me under my bed, through a secret door and into a world where everything is... is—well, easier than this. But David wouldn't be there. Is it really easier then—without him? I stare out at the forest just beyond the back porch with my hands holding the railing tightly. My eyes survey the brush for two beasts moving so quickly that I may have already missed them by blinking too hard. They must be running the borders by now. "You must be the Luna," a feminine voice announces as the handle of the backdoor makes the slightest noise. I turn, leaving my post to instead pick at small sandwiches and cookies and sip coffee and tea. Of course, it is Alpha Nicodra's Luna arriving for ou
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During dinner, I can't help but day-dream between short, sweet conversations with those around me. Of course Aurora has placed herself beside me, giggling and blushing like the girl I met earlier no longer exists. "Oh, Brigette, you have to tell me more about your family. Do you have any siblings?" She asks, poking at her food and brushing the hair from her shoulders. I turn to her and shrug. "No. It's just me. How about yourself—any brothers or sisters?" As Aurora drones on about her older sisters, my eyes wander back to my right, to David as he sits at the head of the table. I cross my ankles under the table to stop myself from bumping his foot with mine. Being surrounded by such people makes me yearn for his attention. It is strange, but I can't help it; I want everyone to see how much he adores me, or rather, how much he appears t
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You want me and I know. Of course he knows—we're mates. That is how mates are supposed to be. So if I'm aware of this, then why am I flustered? What is so shameful about desiring one's ideal match? Maybe it's just me. I know very well that my sober, defensive self would rather die than face this conversation. "It's just how I feel," I say softly. "Well, you know there's no need to feel embarrassed. What happened to all of that fire? You're stubborn, Brigette, but undeniably determined." "I don't know. I know what I should and shouldn't do—according to thatfiery girl—but now I just feel lost. If I'm not that girl, then I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I really thought that's who I was. Maybe it is. Maybe
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I don't know what made me detest dependence. Maybe if I flipped through my life like a picture book, I could point out each moment that added a brick to the wall, but I can't. Or maybe I just don't care to know. I'm far too consumed with the fact that I can't help but be dependent on David. I think I would do anything for him. "Perfect," Helena says as I slide the dressed potatoes into the oven. "Now can you watch the sauce?" I stand over the stove and inhale the heavenly fumes of the kitchen. "I'm happy to help every night. It's not like I have anything else to do." "David's mother did all of the cooking; seeing you in here reminds me of her." "Oh, do you know where she is now?
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After Helena and I finish cooking dinner, I find privacy in my bedroom instead of waiting for David and eating with him. I plan to call Lindsey tomorrow to ask her about visiting, which should give me enough time to check in with David about it. I'm sure he could care less, seeing that he has much more going on these days. Jeremy found out that other Alphas in the region are calling for change, and for the change of what, we are unsure. It seems to be a very contained issue for the time being. I feel bad that David has to take on another problem, but I feel there is nothing I could do to better the situation. Like most things, it is out of my hands. I get myself ready for bed earlier than usual. As spring begins to fade into summer, the nights aren't so cold, and I abandon my heavy pajamas for lighter ones. Before showing more skin didn't faze me, but now there is more to consider. I ru
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My smile stretches impossibly wide when the car pulls up in front of the house. Jeremy is standing just behind me, watching as well, waiting for the back door to open. I squint and lean forward, trying to see through the tinted glass windows. My feet tap restlessly against the ground, and the driver gets out. He walks over and opens the door for her. When she steps out, I lose all sense of patience and run to her. Lindsey laughs as I engulf her in my arms. "I missed you!" I shout. "I can't believe it—you're actually here. I didn't think you could leave him." She chuckles and hugs me back. "How could I say no? I'mdyingto see what your new life is like." "It's different," I tell her as I pull back. "Ugh—we have so much to talk about."
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